Nightmares In The Dark
by GeekOfManyForms
Summary: Elara lived in solitude knowing nothing of her gifts or the world around her. Until one day everything changed and she was thrust into the war raging around her. Her dreams take her to a mysterious masked man and her new abilities lead her further and further into a world she never wanted to be a part of. Can she survive this new world or will the darkness consume her?
1. Chapter One (01-01 11:07:03)

**_Hello readers. This is my first Star Wars fic so please be gentle. I enjoy constructive criticism though so fill free to comment. The chapters might stay small for a while as I acquaint myself with the story and characters. I hope you enjoy.*_**

I awoke with a start from yet another nightmare. The darkness smothering me, yet that was never the worst part of the nightmares. The worst part was the extreme cold I could feel it squeezing my heart as a dark figure was coming towards me. I could never make out who or what it was, just that it brought cold death with it. I sat up and looked around me trying to fight off hysterics, my heart was still aching from the horrible cold. I could almost taste it, it was a sharp metallic taste that lingered on my tongue. I felt the sun coming through the window of my small bedroom and let it wash away the cold. I couldn't live without the sun, the light it was all I've ever known. Warm, sunny days separated by long, severe rainstorm was really the only type of weather we had. I've never traveled outside of my home planet Corellia. I never had the units to spare, I barely had enough to survive here let alone anywhere else. I was an orphan or at least that is what I called myself. My parents disappeared when I was ten, they went hunting and never returned. I waited for days before I realized they had left me. I only figured it out when I saw they had taken all their clothes and valuables. I hated them after that, I never went after them I knew how to take care of myself. That was their final gift to me I guess. They taught me how to hunt and forage and defend myself. My father had left all of his weapons even the one he used his whole life. It was my favorite it lit up bright yellow and I had always loved watching him use it. I never understood at the time why my parents always insisted I knew how to take care of myself. Now I realize they were always planning on leaving me. At least they were kind enough to teach me to survive without them.

I swung my legs over my bed and shook off the dream just like every day. It was beginning to become a routine. Go to sleep, have the nightmare, wake up, go through my day and then do it all again. This was my life now and I wasn't about to allow myself to crumble because of it. This was all I've ever known or will ever know, so why dream of anything else. I grabbed my toiletries and went outside to the makeshift shower a little waterfall beside my cottage. I didn't have to worry about anyone seeing me because I lived so far in the forest, I never received visitors. My parents were very private people. They built this cottage long before I was born. They made sure to build it so far in the forest that no one would ever come across it. They found the perfect spot for a cottage. They built it directly beside a creek with a beautiful small waterfall perfect for showering and gathering water. Then my mother created a wonderful garden to supply us with fruits and vegetables. My father always told me we have everything we needed right here.

The forest provides us food and safety it was his motto. I guess it didn't end up giving him everything he needed though because he still left me. I took off my clothes and stepped into the water. I allowed it to wash everything clean even my mind which was still a mess due to my nightmares. Once I was done I wrapped myself in my towel and went inside. I was out of meat so today would consist of hunting. I dressed in my green hunting pants and shirt and pulled on my combat boots. I placed my red hair in braids and grabbed my hunting knives and bow. I looked myself over in the mirror by my bed and sighed. My blue eyes were stressed and tired. I watched as my full lips lifted into a scowl. I couldn't shake this awful feeling that today wasn't just another day. It had been nagging at me since I woke up it was like I could hear a small voice trying to reach me from somewhere inside me. My mother used to tell me that that tiny voice was there to protect me and that I should always listen to it. I always thought she was kinda full of it. Of course Id never really heard the voice until after she was gone.

 _Elara this is just the beginning be brave my child._

I gasped taken aback by how clear the voice had become. It was only a whisper until today. Maybe I was right today was different. That thought terrified me, no today was just another day. Nothing would be different this wasn't a fairytale and I was no heroine. From the corner of the room, my father's saber started to move on its own. I dropped everything I was holding and stared open mouthed at it. Id never seen it do that before. I was really starting to freak out.

What the hell was with this day!

I started to walk towards it but froze in place when the voice spoke to me again.

 _Elara, it's calling out to you. Answer its call._

I had no clue what it meant but as I stood there like a brainless oaf my hand began to raise up of its own accord. As it did something inside me clicked. I lifted my hand the rest of the way and opened my fingers. I could feel a strange unknown power rise within me it called to the saber and as it did the saber flew towards me. I screeched and fell to the floor. I watched the saber fly past me and out the door.

"What the hell was that," I said to myself.

I stood up and ran outside. I looked around and tried to find the saber but couldn't.

"Ok creepy voice I could use your help again," I thought to myself.

 _Elara, the saber answers to your call. This time stow away your fear and believe in yourself._

I sighed at the voice and rolled my eyes. It was easier for this disembodied voice to be fearless. It didn't have a weapon suddenly fly at its head. I closed my eyes and repeated what I did in the cottage. I kept my eyes closed out of fear and waited. My eyes jerked open as I felt something slam itself into my hand. I was shocked to find my father's saber. How the hell did I do that?

 _This is your first step in becoming what you were meant to be._

 _You must go to the village and there you will find your destiny. Good luck Elara and May the force be with you._

I sat on the ground and looked at the saber. I was in shock and beyond confused. What the hell was the force and why was this voice deciding only now to make itself clear? All the thoughts were swimming through my head and I didn't know what to do anymore. I put my head between my legs and took several calming breaths. What was I going to do now?


	2. Chapter Two

I decided to take the chance and go to the village. Even if the voice was wrong at least I'd know. I had packed a bag and grabbed my weapons and now I was on my way through the forest. It would take me about a day and a half to get to the village. I hated being out here after dark but I didn't have a choice. I hated traveling only to end up in a small hellhole full of drug users, pushers, and other small-time criminals. I never went to the village for this reason. I only went if it was absolutely necessary and I really hope this was. When the sun started going down I made camp and started a fire. I cooked a small creature I had found and skinned earlier that day and prepared myself for a sleepless night. There is no way I'd be able to sleep knowing I could be attacked at any time. It's not like I was missing anything but my nightmares anyways. I went through my bag to find the book I had brought with me. It was my absolute favorite. My father had read it to me when I was younger and despite the way, I felt about him now it was still my favorite. He said he had found it on an archaic planet called earth. I ran my finger across the title Grimm's Fairy tale's. I fought back the tears that pricked the corners of my eyes and grabbed the saber from my belt. I slid my finger across the activator and watched the beautiful yellow light spring forward. I smiled as I swayed it back and forth. I stood up and very carefully hung the saber from a branch of the tree above my head. I stood back and smiled at my work. My own personal light source. I sat down and propped myself up against the tree and began to read. About halfway through the book the world around me started to change and disappear.

 ** _I was now surrounded by darkness and cold. I started to gasp as I realized I had fallen asleep. I knew what was coming out of the darkness in front of me and I was terrified. I started to run feeling around for anything that could help me but I was all alone in this void. I began screaming I couldn't fight it anymore. The cold was starting to reach my heart as it always did before it came out of the darkness._**

 ** _"Please someone, anyone help me!" I screamed._**

 ** _I clawed at my chest feeling the cold squeezing at my heart._**

 ** _"Stop please, I'm nobody why are you doing this?" I yelled into the void._**

 ** _I crawled backward as I saw the figure drawing near me. I slapped myself trying to wake up. It was time to wake up the dream never lasted this long. The black figure was getting closer and wasn't stopping and the dream wasn't ending. With a sudden surge of adrenaline, I stood up and braced myself._**

 ** _"What do you want from me?" I said with venom in my shaky voice._**

 ** _The figure just stood before me saying nothing. I could hear it breathe, a quite mechanical sound. I stepped forward and reached out my hand trying to see what it really was. Suddenly my hand met with something solid and a shiver ran through me. I pulled it towards me and took a small step back in horror. A man towered before me dressed in black robes. I looked up at his face but was met with a sleek black metal mask._**

 ** _"Who are you?" His robotic voice shocked me and I took another step back in fear._**

 ** _His voice was full of authority and anger. An aura of darkness emanated from him which made me sick to my stomach. He wasn't just emanating darkness he was darkness._**

 ** _"I asked you a question, you puny girl!" He hollered stepping closer to me._**

 ** _"Who are you and why are you plaguing my every dream." His deep robotic voice continued._**

 ** _I shook my head in confusion "This is my dream, my nightmare and you're always here. Why are you torturing me!" I yelled at him._**

 ** _The man leaned down and met my gaze or at least I think he was. It was hard to tell with that stupid mask._**

 ** _"Who are you?" He asked me again._**

 ** _I decided that it couldn't hurt to answer him. After all, this was all in my head._**

 ** _" My name is Elara. Who are you?" I asked._**

 ** _The man tilted his head to the side "Kylo Ren." He answered._**

 ** _His name gave me goosebumps and I ran my hand across my arm._**

 ** _"Why are we here Kylo?"_**

 ** _Kylo took in his surroundings and looked at me. "The force is connecting us, it's the only explanation," he said._**

 ** _"The force, what even is the that? I don't understand, I'm nobody." I gasped grabbing my hair in frustration._**

 ** _"Obviously your somebody. The force wouldn't connect my mind with a nobody. Do you know who I am?"_**

 ** _I smirked at his condescending tone. He thought an awful lot of himself._**

 ** _"No Mr. Ren I have no clue who you are. I don't exactly get out much." I told him._**

 ** _I could tell he was getting angry and that thought scared me. He began pacing back and forth._**

 ** _"Listen I'm sorry this is happening but remember I don't have any control over this." I reminded, him hoping to calm him a bit._**

 ** _"Of course you have no control! You don't even know what the force is." he snapped at me._**

 ** _I felt my own anger rising and dug my fingernails into my palms. "Hey! This has been a crap day and I don't need shit from a masked asshole." I screamed at him. "I only just learned I had this new weird ability today and I'm also hearing voices. Now I find out this force thing is what's causing my nightmares. So shove off!" I finished and tried to calm my breathing._**

 ** _I stared at Kylo trying to gauge his reaction._**

 ** _"You're force sensitive? I need to know what planet you're on Elara." he simply said._**

 ** _"Why?" I asked fear rising in me yet again._**

 ** _He reached out towards me and I took a few steps back. "I can help you. I can train and teach you," he said._**

 ** _Teach me? What was he wanting to teach me? All of this was so confusing and I couldn't believe any of it was true._**

 ** _"I can't tell you that Kylo. I just want to wake up." I whispered._**

 ** _He tried to reach out to me again, but this time I stood my ground. As his gloved hand met mine I felt a tingle run down my neck. It was starting to become painful. "Kylo?" I gasped._**

 ** _"No! Tell me where you are?" he yelled._**

 ** _But I couldn't answer him. I was falling. From somewhere above me I could see him reaching for me. I watched as darkness swirled around me_**.

Suddenly my eyes snapped open and I reached for my neck as pain shot through it. I was awake. I pulled my fingers back and found blood splayed across them. Something had cut me. I stood up and turned around trying to find the source of my injury. I bent over and found a piece of the bark was covered in blood. It was sharp. I guess I must have slid across it in my sleep. Silently I thanked my lucky stars. I know if I hadn't woken up I would have told Kylo where I was. There was something about him. For some insane reason, I wanted to trust him. Though deep down something was telling me not to, that he was dangerous. To think he wasn't was completely ridiculous, he was a terrifying monster in a mask nothing more. I went to my bag and found something to patch up my cut. Afterward, I cleaned up my camp. I had already lost to much time. I needed to forget Kylo Ren. I would forget him. After all, he probably wasn't even real.


	3. Chapter Three

I continued on towards the village. At the rate I was going I should make it there by midday. I watched my footing as the forest was beginning to become treacherous the closer I came to my destination. I snacked on meat left over from the night before and tried to keep my mind on what was in front of me instead of my dream. I couldn't help but wonder what was under the mask. The more I thought about him the stronger the pull I felt towards him became. It was like I could feel him now when I closed my eyes I could see him. He was always pacing, always alone. It made me feel for him, the masked monster. When I thought of reaching out to him the power inside of me kept pulling me away from him and towards the village. I took that as a sign that I shouldn't try and help Kylo Ren. The forest began thinning out after about six hours of walking. The closer I got to the end of the forest the stronger my fear became. Once I reached the edge I looked out over the rolling hills and saw it, the small but busy village of Coranath. I leaned up against the tree beside me to catch my breath. I could feel it the pull, it wanted me to go to the village to follow it. It wasn't as strong as the one I felt when I thought of Kylo but it was still quite strong. I closed my eyes and was met again with a vision of Kylo.

 _He was yelling at someone, the anger radiating from him was palpable. I watched in wonder as he threw the man across the room without even touching him. I wanted to be afraid of what he did but I couldn't. I was amazed by his raw power. I wanted to speak to him to ask why he was so angry but the voice inside me was telling me to leave. To go back to where I belonged. I was starting to hate that voice. Who did it think it was? My mother? I hadn't had to answer to anyone since I was ten so it was really getting on nerves. I was going to do what I wanted. So I reached out to him and brushed his shoulder. I didn't find anything solid my fingers went through him but I could feel his energy. I watched as his shoulders relaxed and he spun around looking for me. I held my breath as his eyes passed over me._

 _"Elara?" he whispered in his robotic voice._

 _"Kylo, I'm here I don't know how but I am," I said._

 _He reached out and was met with nothing. His hand went right through me but I could tell he didn't feel me there. I don't even think he could feel my energy like I could his._

 _"I cant see you. Can you see me and my surroundings?" he asked me._

 _I looked at him again and could see everything. He was in a small black room with several machines. I could still see the man he had thrown across the room unconscious on the floor. At least I hoped he was unconscious._

 _"Yes, I see everything. You shouldn't have hurt that poor man. You were acting childish." I firmly said._

 _A small robotic chuckle came from his mask. "You really know nothing of my world, do you? You live in oblivious innocence." His voice was full of exasperation and it made me feel stupid._

 _He was completely right. I knew nothing outside of my secluded life. I made sure to stay out of the real world. I didn't think there was anything out there for me. I'm a small inconsequential part of the universe and I've always known that._

 _"Your right. I'm sorry I shouldn't have judged you, but it still is childish to take your anger out on others." I said._

 _He chuckled again and I placed my hand on his mask. I could feel the sharp cold metal and I pulled my hand back quickly._

 _"Stop trying to touch me!" he said as he backed up against the wall._

 _"I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. I'll leave." I said as I tried to push myself back into my reality._

 _"No don't leave, I need to know where you are Elara," he said._

 _I sighed as I realized he would always come back to that. There was obviously a reason he wanted my location and I knew I couldn't give it to him._

 _"Sorry Ren but the Force doesn't want me to give you that information." I was being completely honest._

 _I could feel the Force telling me to keep my mouth shut. At least I'm guessing that's what it was. Id decided to call this feeling inside me the Force because Kylo obviously thought that's what it was._

 _"You know nothing of the Force you stupid girl. You will tell me your location or I will scour the galaxy for you. Either way, I will find you." he said angrily._

 _I couldn't help but laugh at his sudden anger. He was like a child who didn't get his way._

 _"You're not used to the word no are you?" I giggled._

 _He slammed his hand into the wall as hard as he could. I jumped at the violence his anger was breeding but instead of fear, I felt anger._

 _"Now that's enough Kylo Ren! You're being ridiculous Go ahead and scour the universe for me but I will not tell an emotionally unstable man my location." I sternly said._

 _His breathing had become labored due to his outburst._

 _"Now I'm leaving and I don't think ill be back. This has shown me exactly who you are and I don't think I like you. Your an ass." I spat at him._

 _I tried again to push myself from the room without success so instead, I remained silent hoping he'd think I left. I watched him look around the room in frustration as he pulled a saber from his belt. He ignited it and a bright red light filled the room. His saber glowed menacingly it was nothing like my fathers he furiously swung the saber destroying everything in the room. His anger wavered only after everything in the room was a smoking pile of rubble. Yet still, I couldn't leave. I could no longer watch the sadness being masked by anger in front of me. I walked over to the man hunched over in pain and bent down beside him. I whispered something in his ear and moved away as he spun around to search for me._

The scene in front of me changed and I was back to my own reality. I slid down and sighed Id never seen such pain and it had stuck with me. It was like stepping on something sticky I couldn't get rid of it. I stood back up and shook it off. He was light years away from me now. There was nothing more I could do for him. But as I walked towards the city I heard a small whisper in my ear.

"Thank You El" was all it said.

I smiled as I pushed on towards the village in front of me. El? I think I like that.


	4. Chapter Four

I was breathing heavy by the time I reached the entrance to Coranath. The trail from the forest to the village was steep and I'd forgotten how hot the sun was without the shield of the forest. This was the first time Id left my seclusion in over a year. I lifted the hood of my cloak so I wouldn't draw attention to myself. The streets were busy with people bartering and selling their various supplies. The smell of baking bread caught my attention and I bought myself a loaf and paid to fill my canteen with water. The taste was almost unbearable after being so used to fresh creek water. I walked through the streets until I found a small alcove that I could sit on virtually unnoticed and eat in peace. I sat there and ate watching the world around me. It always amazed me that each person you see has their own life story. It's like reading a book with each glance you take. I watched a couple hold each other while their children played around them. I wondered how they had met and fell in love and if they loved their children as they loved each other.

I felt traitorous tears run down my face as I watched them smile and play with their children. My heart ached for what Id lost. I couldn't think about that though, I was here for a reason and so far the force has led me nowhere. I dusted the crumbs off my pants as I stood and dug deep within myself to find the feeling that's been plaguing me for days now. I felt a small tug as I began to walk again. It was pulling me deeper into the village towards the air base. I'd never been back this way before. It was only there for deliveries and visitors. I was never delivering or departing so I had no reason to be back here. My mouth shot open as I neared the aircraft. There were so many and they were all so huge. I'd never been this close to any before Id always wanted to board one but knew I never would. The force was pulling me past several men in white uniforms. Their faces covered in masks they had some type of gun in their hands I pulled my hood further down trying to remain invisible. I followed the feeling until it stopped. I turned around in a half circle trying to figure out what I missed. I was about to give up all hope when I heard a mans voice behind me. His voice caused a ripple to run through me and I knew it was him I was supposed to find.

"Hey sweetheart you wanna move," he said.

I spun around and was surprised by what I saw. He was an older man with grey hair and a stern yet handsome face. He had on a leather jacket white shirt and was staring at me like I was a complete moron. I stuttered but no words actually came out. I stepped to the side and allowed him to pass. I watched as he walked into a giant oval shaped ship. It looked old and beat up but still completely incredible. I made my way over to the entrance and looked up into the ship hoping the man hadn't gone too far. The ship was causing the Force to go crazy it was giving me a head rush. I knew this was where I was supposed to be. That thought was invigorating.

"Um, hello?" I called into the ship.

A load growl of sorts irrupted behind me and I screamed. A giant brown animal was standing behind me. Id never saw anything like it. He was making large motions with his paws and continuously growling.

"Hi, I'm sorry if I'm intruding. Please don't eat me." I whimpered.

"I don't think he's hungry but Id still be cautious. He is pretty untamed that one." said a voice behind me.

I sighed in relief as I saw the older man standing on the ramp leading to his ship. His arm was raised and placed on the top of the ship above him. He had a handsome smirk on his face that made me realize he was joking.

"Sorry, I feel foolish but I've never seen anything like him before," I said staring at the creature.

"His name is Chewbacca, he's a Wookie. I can't believe you didn't know that." he laughed.

"I don't exactly get out much." I smiled at him.

Chewbacca walked past me growled a few words at the man and went inside.

"So what can I do for you sweetheart?" the man asked me.

I don't know what it was about him but I felt extremely comfortable around him. It was almost like Id met him somewhere before.

"Well, my name is Elara, or El if you like," I said wondering how to approach why I'm here.

"Ok El I'm Han. Han Solo," he said reaching out to shake my hand.

I smiled at hearing him call me El. I was really starting to like that nickname.

"Wanna tell me why your here?" He asked, bringing me to the inevitable awkward explanation.

"Oh, well that's a bit harder to explain. I was sent here." I sputtered.

Confusion and mistrust covered his face as he looked at me.

"Who sent you here?" he asked grabbing my arm and pulling me into the ship.

He closed the ramp behind us and I began to regret coming here.

"Who. sent. you. here?" he said enunciating every word.

"The Force!" I hollered as he squeezed my arm none too gently.

He let me go and bent over to look me in the eye. I was starting to realize how short I was. The parallels between him and Kylo were also starting to confuse me. I realized now that's exactly who he reminded me of.

"The Force sent you to me? You've got to be kidding. Well, that's two now in a manner of days." he said laughing at me.

I had no clue what he was talking about but as I looked around I felt a ripple in the Force coming from further in the ship. Han noticed my gaze was glued towards that direction and sighed.

"Yeah, she's up there," he said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Funny how you lot always know," he said nudging me forward.

"I'm sure she's why you're here."

We walked through a corridor and into the ship's cockpit where a woman my age and Chewbacca sat. I could feel a strong power coming from the woman. She obviously had the Force and it was an incredible feeling knowing I wasn't alone. She spun around and met my gaze as she stood up to face me.

"You have the Force!" she exclaimed.

I was shocked as she hugged me and gave me the brightest smile I've ever seen.

"As do you," I said pulling away from her.

I wasn't much for physical displays of affection. "My name is Rey," she said.

I couldn't believe it but I felt a swell of recognition at her name. The Force wanted me to know that I knew her.

"Elara, but you can call me El," I said.

Rey smiled at me "I know you Elara." she stated.

The longer I looked at Rey the more I remembered her. She was in my dreams as a child. "A girl in white surrounded by sand,"I questioned.

Rey's smile faltered as she looked into my eyes. "A girl in green surrounded by trees," she answered.

Long forgotten dreams swirled across my memory. Rey was my first and only friend as a child. We would play together in my dreams. She would join me in the forest and I would join her in the sand. We also spoke to one another during the day if one of us showed any deep displays of emotion. Rey always spoke to me after my parents left. She was the only reason I never felt alone. As I grew up I allowed my anger to push all of my gifts aside and I forgot everything, even Rey. I gasped as I remembered everything. Hot tears fell from my eyes and I hugged Rey again this time completely ok with showing her affection.

" I can't believe we forgot each other," Rey said wiping away my tears.

"I'm so sorry Rey. I forgot everything after my parents abandoned me." I said drying my face with my cloak.

"It's ok Elara. Did the Force send you here?" she asked me.

I sat down behind Chewbacca "Yes I don't know who I'm hearing but a voice told me my destiny was here waiting for me." I told her.

Rey sat down in front of me as Han and Chewbacca checked the dials on the panel at the front of the cockpit.

"You're supposed to come with us to see Maz," Rey said with conviction.

"Who's Maz?" I asked.

"She's on Takodana. That's where we are headed. We only stopped here for supplies." Han answered for Rey.

"Supplies and you," Rey added with a chuckle.

Takodana, I couldn't go to Takodana. That would mean leaving everything behind. I stared at Rey with fear and anxiety. She knew exactly what I was going through. Rey and I went through a very similar situation. If anyone would know my fears it would be Rey.

"Elara, they aren't coming back for us," Rey whispered.

I wasn't waiting for them to come back. I just didn't want to leave everything I've ever known. Right? Could Rey be on to something is that what I've been doing all this time? The Force stirred inside of me as if to acknowledge that what Rey said was true. It showed me that this was where I belonged, where I was needed. Id been hiding for too long. I silently nodded at Rey who told Han we were ready to go. I felt Rey help me strap into my sit before she took the one beside me. Han used the ship's intercom to speak to someone called Finn. He told him to strap in and prepare for take off. I could hear everything that was going on around me but I was locked in disbelief and fear. Everything in my life was changing right in front of me and I was letting it happen. Never in my life did I expect my life to become this different this quickly. I closed my eyes and searched deep within myself for anything that might help calm my nerves.

 ** _The Force led me to a dark black room. A bed was sitting in the middle of the room and none other then Kylo Ren laid on top of it. He wasn't wearing his mask but I still couldn't see his face. He was lying on his stomach and his raven black hair was splayed across his face. I walked over to the side of the bed and sat down. There was no movement or sound. He didn't move an inch as I sat down. I lifted my hand and begged whoever was listening to let me touch him just this once. I reached out and tried to move the hair from his face. I almost made an audible sound as his hair moved away from his eyes. I could finally see his face. He was beautiful, his nose was large but fit his face perfectly. His thick lips were slightly parted as he breathed in and out. Finally at peace as he slept. I felt a tear slid down my face as pain sliced my heart. I barely knew this man, but no one deserved to feel so much anger and sadness all the time. His eyes fluttered open as I ran my finger across his lips._**

 ** _"El?" he asked not moving._**

 ** _"Yeah, it's me." I quietly answered embarrassed at being caught touching him._**

 ** _"Why are you here?" he asked with a hint of anger in his deep voice._**

 ** _The difference between his actual voice and his robotic one was striking._**

 ** _"I'm sorry. I needed a safe place, and this is where the Force brought me." I answered him._**

 ** _Kylo sat up on his elbow and looked me in the eye._**

 ** _"Why did you need a safe place?" he asked._**

 ** _I debated whether to confide in him or not. I guess there was no harm telling him the cliff notes version._**

 ** _"The Force led me somewhere, and now I'm leaving my planet. I've never left home before and I'm terrified Kylo." I confessed._**

 ** _Kylo slid up and sat beside me. His dark brown eyes searched my face._**

 ** _"Why are you leaving, and where are you going?" he asked, trying to reign in his temper._**

 ** _"I cant tell you where I'm going. But I'll tell you who with." I said._**

 ** _I was trying to keep him calm but the Force was reminding me to watch what I tell him. He raised a brow waiting for me to speak._**

 ** _"I met a man and his friends, and the Force told me to go with them," I said leaving out the names of who all I was with._**

 ** _Kylo's face fell and then filled with anger._**

 ** _"What man Elara?" he said with venom in his voice._**

 ** _"He's just a man with a ship. He is kind, and so are his friends. I said confused by his reaction._**

 ** _"I'm sure he is very nice. What did you have to give them for the free ride Elara?" Kylo spat at me._**

 ** _I was horrified by what he was insinuating. I stood up and walked to the other side of his room fuming. Why did I keep coming back here? It was obvious this man had major issues. I could feel Kylo come up beside me and I spun around and slapped him. I smiled at the loud crack that sounded through the air as my hand met its target. The shock on his face was comical at best. He couldn't believe I had actually done that. I'm also sure he was surprised that I actually could. He reached out to me and frowned when he went right through me just like he had last time._**

 ** _"How can you touch me?" his rough voice asked._**

 ** _I shrugged and turned away from him._**

 ** _"I guess because I asked," I told him._** **_I turned around and saw his eyes closed. When he opened them he reached out to me again, but once again was denied access to me. He sighed and turned around._**

 ** _"I'm sorry El," he mumbled._** **_I touched his shoulder and the tension left him._**

 ** _"It's ok," I said as I heard a voice in my ear._**

 ** _He saw me looking into the darkness and called my name._**

 ** _"I have to go Kylo, they are calling me," I told him._**

 ** _I felt his energy mix with mine as he reached out to me but I was already gone._**


	5. Chapter Five

Rey was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. She was leaning on me snapping her fingers in my face.

"Universe to El. You with us?" She asked.

I looked around me and noticed we were in space far above Corellia. I unbuckled myself and stood between Han and Chewbacca. I couldn't believe it, I could actually see my home planet. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I looked at Rey and tried to express what I was feeling but there were no words.

"Its incredible isn't it." she smiled.

"Incredible isn't the right word," I said.

"So are we going to Takodana?" I asked Han.

"Well, we have to stop by my freighter first. As soon as I grab what I need, then we will be heading there," he answered while messing with the dials again.

"I thought this was your ship?" I said confused.

"Rey, why don't you fill her in," Han said eyeing us both. I could tell he was trying to get rid of us for a bit.

"Follow me Elara," she said heading out.

I waved to Han and Chewbacca and followed her.

"Wanna meet the rest of us." She giggled, clearly blushing.

I smirked wondering who she was talking about. I remembered Han speaking to someone called Finn and was excited to meet whoever caught my Rey of sunshines attention.

We made our way through the corridors and towards the side of the ship. Sitting on a chair in what appeared to be a gathering room was a tall dark man. He was handsome and had a kind face.

"El this is Finn. We met on Jakku. He used to be a Stormtrooper." She said.

I could see how proud of him she was.

"Stormtrooper?" I asked.

They both looked at me like I'd grown an extra head.

"She doesn't know about the First Order?" Finn said surprised.

"I guess its time to fill you in," Rey said taking a seat beside Finn.

*Time Skip*

After Rey finished I felt ill. I couldn't believe I missed all this war and carnage. I could have been helping, I felt like a coward. The worst part though was finding out who Kylo Ren really was. I mean, I knew he could be terrifying and that the Force warned me to be careful around him, but I would have never guessed how evil he really was.

Why had the Force brought me to him when I wanted to feel safe? Or better yet, why did I feel safe around him? I wanted to curl up and cry, but I wouldn't because I knew the truth now. I would have nothing to do with the dark side. I would help the rebellion, I would fight the First Order, and If need be Kylo Ren.

"Ellie, you ok?" Finn asked me.

I sniffed a bit and smiled at him.

"Ellie?" I questioned.

Finn shrugged and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I thought it fit. You don't look like an El to me."

I put my hand on his and squeezed.

"I like it," I assured him.

I looked into Rey's eyes and saw my feelings reflected in hers. We both felt like we should have done more. We hid away and that was wrong.

"I'll fight with you both. I'm not going to hide anymore." I said with conviction.

"I'd be honored to fight with you Elara. I always did enjoy our sparring."

I grinned at the memory of us as children sparring in our dreams. I would teach her everything I knew, and she did the same. I'm so glad to have my memories of Rey back. I silently thanked the Force for this small gift.

"Rey I could use a few minutes if you guys don't mind," I asked her.

I needed time to collect myself and say goodbye to someone.

"Sure. Finn lets go tell Han we are ready to head to the freighter," she said rising and taking Finn's hand.

I nodded in gratitude and sat back in my seat. I entered my mind and called out to the Force. Listen, I don't know who or what you are, but I need to tell Kylo goodbye. I need him to know that I won't be speaking to him again. Can you please help me and then break whatever connection we have. I inwardly asked whoever was listening.

I could feel the now familiar pull from the Force as my mind was connected with Rens. I could see him kneeling in front of something with his head down. I ignored the tug I felt telling me to comfort him. He was my enemy now.

"I can feel you Elara. Now isn't the time," he said to me without moving.

I walked forward and was surprised to see him kneeling in front of a mask. It was old and deformed. I could feel my breath catch as I realized who it must have belonged to.

"I won't be here long. I've only come to tell you this is the last time I'll be visiting." I said my voice small yet steady.

Even now, after learning who he was, I didn't fear him. He was just a sad and angry man to me.

"So, you know who I am then?" he asked rising to meet me.

I took a step forward and asked for permission from the Force as I reached for his mask. I felt the cold metal and knew my request had been granted. I found the button that I was looking for and removed the mask. I let it fall to his feet and looked into his dark brown eyes.

"Yes, I know who you are," I said.

I could feel the Force compelling me to keep going and a name was offered to me. I was confused, but the Force pushed me to use it.

"Ben," I whispered.

Kylo looked at me in shock. I could sense he wasn't expecting me to use that name.

"That isn't my name. Ben Solo is dead." he spat at me.

I placed my hand on his face and sighed.

"I don't doubt that."

He threw my hand from his face and walked away. I closed my eyes and realized what he had just said.

"Solo? Your Hans son." I said in surprise.

Kylo spun around and looked at me.

"How do you know my father?" he questioned.

"He is a friend. That's not whats important. I came here to say goodbye." I responded.

I reminded myself to stay on track.

"Then say it!" he yelled at me.

Anger was radiating from him. I could see such hate in his eyes and it broke my heart to know it was directed at me.

"Goodbye Ben." I could barely breathe, I never thought it could be so hard to utter such a small word.

He shook as he walked towards me.

"You could come to me. You know the truth now. You know what I can give you."

I looked away from his eyes. I could feel something dark wrap around me. Id never felt such power before. It felt amazing but so wrong. I could see the faces of my friends flash before my eyes. Rey, Han, Finn, Chewbacca. Could I betray them for Kylo? I felt him try and touch me and I took a step back in shock as his skin met mine. How could he touch me?

A small smile graced his lips and he placed his hands on my face. The feel of his skin on mine was intoxicating. I brought myself closer to him and looked into his eyes.

What I saw made me want to cave. He was looking at me with such hope. I could see he was tired of being alone. He needed someone, he needed a friend. Could I be that for him?

For just a moment I imagined myself saying yes. Going to him, and what I saw terrified me. I saw myself cloaked in darkness, a red saber in my hand. I saw the bodies of everyone I cared about lying in front of me. The only color I could see was red. Everything was dark. There was no more sun, no more light.

I gasped as I knew my answer, and even though I felt confident in it, my heart ached.

"Ben, I'm so sorry. I cant be what you need. I cant live in the dark." I cried.

I saw his face fall and all hope leave his eyes.

"Then we are enemies Elara," he said to me.

I stepped away from him and wiped the tears from my face.

"Yes, we are. Goodbye Kylo." I said.

The last thing I heard before I was transported away from him was "Goodbye El."

I was crying as I came to. I had never felt so broken. It was like I could feel his pain along with mine. Gut-wrenching sadness. I begged whatever was inside me to break the connection we shared, to stop this pain. I could feel how impossible it was, it would only end in the event of one of our deaths. I scoffed, that will most likely be mine. I had only seen flashes of what he could do, but I was sure I was no match for him.

I sat forward and took a long deep breath. I was being weak and I hated it. I felt the Falcon lurch forward and I fell on my hands and knees. What the hell? I stood up and ran to the cockpit.

This couldn't be good. I saw Rey and Finn leaving the cockpit with BB-8 in tow.

"Its ok Ellie, we just landed inside the freighter," Finn assured me.

I heard BB-8 beeping at me and leaned down. I closed my eyes and felt the Force surround myself and the chatty droid.

"Are you ok Ellie?" the small droid asked.

I jumped up and laughed.

"I can understand you. That's so cool."

Finn frowned at me

"How can you understand him?"

Rey nudged me and winked.

"The Force can be so cool," she said.

I clapped my hands together and laughed.

"Yes, it can be. BB, I'm completely ok. Just had something I had to do. Force stuff." I chuckled as Rey raised a brow at me.

BB beeped enthusiastically at my abbreviation of his name. I saw Han and Chewie coming down the corridor with concern on their faces. I knew something wasn't right.

"I think we have a problem," Han said.

Chewie growled and continued out of the ship. He looked frazzled or at least I think he did. It's hard to tell. Seeing Han and the similarities between him and his son was distracting.

I shook it off and avoided his gaze.

"I think we have a Rathtar lose on the freighter," Han said.

"Wait- what?! Did you just say Rathtar?" Finn hollered in wild concern.

I had no clue what a Rathtar was but Finns fear was palpable so it couldn't be good. We all followed Han out of the Falcon and onto the freighter. He made his way to a control panel on the other side of the Falcon and began typing furiously.

"You're not hauling Rathtars on this freighter, are you?" Finn asked again, his concern rising.

I wanted to laugh at how scared he was, but the look on Rey and Hans face told me not to. That fear was a logical emotion to have right now.

"I'm hauling Rathtars," Han said.

The panel lit up and showed us a view of the entire ship including the exterior. A transport was landing on the freighter and fear began radiating off of Han as well as Finn.

Great, this should be fun, I thought. I felt my belt and noticed my saber wasn't there. Crap! I must have left it on the Falcon. I opened my hand and called out to it like I had in my cottage. I saw the surprise on Hans' face as my saber flew into my hand. I shrugged at him and placed it on my belt.

"It's the Guavian Death Gang - They must've tracked us from Corellia," Han said as he headed further into the ship.

"Whats a Rathtar?" Rey asked as we hurried to keep up with Han.

I shook my head wondering the same thing.

"They're big and dangerous..." Han answered as he took us into a room lined with cargo containers.

"You ever hear of the Trillia Massacre?!" Finn squeaked.

"No," Rey and I said together.

"Good," Finn answered as we turned a corner.

Han drug us to a hatch in the floor.

"Get below deck and stay there until I say so - don't even think about taking the Falcon." Han threatened as Rey and Finn started to climb below.

"What about BB?" I asked Han.

"He stays with me - until I get rid of the gang, then you can have him back," Han answered trying to shove me into the hatch.

I pushed back and closed the hatch ignoring Rey's questioning holler.

"NO! I stay with you and the droid. You could use the help." I firmly said.

Han huffed at me but could see I was serious. A loud bang echoed through the ship and BB slid behind my legs. I readied my saber as a portal opened and in walked six men.

The leader was decked out in a suit while his men wore uniforms and round face helmets.

"Han Solo. You are a dead man." the leader said.

I loudly scoffed and activated my saber. Han shook his head at me in a warning but I kept my saber ready.

BB was nervously beeping and looking back and forth between us and the gang.

"Bala-Tak. Whats the problem?" Han asked.

"The problem is we loaned you fifty thousand for this job." Bala-Tak angrily said.

I moved beside Han ready for a fight.

"I heard you borrowed fifty thousand from Kanjiklub." Bala-Tak finished.

"You know you cant trust those little freaks! How long have we known each other?" Han asked trying to sweet talk his way out of this situation.

I mentally facepalmed, I knew this wouldn't end the way he hoped.

"The question is how much longer will we know each other? Not long. We want our money back now!" Balak-Tak threatened.

I zoned out as I sensed Rey below us, she had a plan. I tried to focus on her so I could find out what they were doing. I could feel her thoughts when my name was brought into the conversation in front of me.

"The girl you're with, is her name Elara? The First Order is looking for her and a droid just like that one. Along with two fugitives."

I looked at Han, my nerves finally setting in. Kylo was looking for me. I wondered what he had planned. We didn't exactly end things on good terms.

"That's not her name. As for the rest, first I've heard of it." Han said trying to protect us.

"Search the freighter," Bala-Tak told his men.

The gangs started looking around as Balak-Tak stood in front of me.

"Whats your name girl?" he asked me.

I glared at him and ignored his question.

"She's mute," Han said shrugging.

Suddenly banks of lights started going off. I saw Hans' eye widen. I looked around as Han whispered, "I have a bad feeling about this."

Crap I knew this would end badly, I thought. All the lights came on again and I felt fear coming from Rey and Finn below us. Balak-Tak grabbed my arm

"Kill them and take the droid. I've got the girl."

The gangs all started to raise their guns and that's when everything went to hell. A Rathtar appeared behind the gangs. It grabbed two of the men and the others started running in terror.

I used my saber and slashed at Bala-Tak. He screamed and let my arm go. I ran over to Han and Chewie and we all started running down the hall away from the Rathtar and its victims.

As we went around the corner, one of the Death Gang pulled a gun on us. I almost laughed when Han punched him in the face causing him to fly towards an awaiting Rathtar. Shots flew past us and Han pulled me next to him as he started shooting at the gang members.

"I got the door, cover us," Han told Chewie.

He growled in acknowledgment. As Chewie exchanged blaster fire I grabbed the gun from Han and began helping. Id never used a weapon like this before and had to admit, I loved it.

Han started working on the controls of the door beside us. After only a few minutes the door lifted just as a blast hit Chewie in the shoulder.

"Chewie, are you ok?" I asked holding my fire.

I couldn't lose anyone. They were the only friends I had. Han helped Chewie into the hanger and used his bow caster to shoot at the controls.

Han looked down at the weapon and smirked.

"Wow. Come on!" he said.

We all started running for the Falcon as Finn and Rey joined us. I sent her a thankful vibe through the Force. I had been worried about her. She smiled at me as we ran up the ramp and into the Falcon.

"Close the door behind us," Han said to Rey.

"You take care of Chewie!" he continued looking at Finn and me.

Finn lifted Chewie who started screaming in pain. I helped Finn take him to the lounging area and lie him on a chair.

"Finn stay with him while I find bandages."

I ran over to the draws on the other side of the room. I found a first aid kit hidden in one of the draws and ran back over to Finn and Chewie. The ship jolted as it was hit. I slid into Finn as the ship tilted. I went through the kit looking for anything that could help. Chewie was screaming wildly and Finn was doing everything he could to hold him still.

"Chewie, come on! We need help with this giant Hairy thing." Finn yelled.

I gave him a dirty look at the insult and kept trying to wrap Chewie's shoulder.

"You hurt Chewie your gonna deal with me." I could hear Han yell from the cockpit.

"Hurt him? He's trying to kill me!" Finn hollered.

Chewie grabbed his collar and roared at him. I couldn't help but laugh. I'm sure we would look insane to outsiders. Chewie holding Finn by his shirt me holding Chewie laughing hysterically.

"Hold still Chewie. I'm almost done." I told him trying to stop my laughter.

He growled at me and let Finn go. I put the finishing touches on the bandage as Finn rubbed his neck.

"There," I said patting his paw.

The ride became less hectic and Han came down to check on Chewie. He knelt down and checked the wound to make sure we had done everything we could. I watched as they spoke together. You could sense how deep a friendship they had.

He sent a grateful smile my way and went to talk to Finn and Rey. I sat back and used this small moment of peace to catch my breath. I finally felt calm when a huge surge of anger went through me. I knew it wasn't coming from me or Rey so that could only mean it was coming from Kylo.

He must know who im with and that we escaped. I sent him a calming vibe hoping that his anger would subside. I don't know why I did, it just felt right.

I knew we were enemies but I still hated to think of him in pain.

"It's your turn now sweetheart. How do the first order know your name and why do they want you." I looked up to see Han starring at me.

Rey and Finn stood behind him. I took a deep breath. This was going to be an awkward conversation.


	6. Chapter Six

**_*Hey guys, I hope you enjoy the new chapter. As always, please comment and let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Plus, comments keep me motivated.*_**

"So you're telling me, that you've been consorting with Kylo Ren?" Finn asked astonished.

I glared at him completely annoyed. They were all staring at me with judgment in their eyes.

"It's not like I knew who he was. Never once did I give him any information." I said trying to stay calm.

"My dreams brought me to him in the beginning. I never asked for it." I explained.

I blushed knowing that wasn't completely true but they wouldn't understand. _I_ didn't even understand what was going on between us.

"The Force brought us together. I don't know why and neither does he. He can't see anything on my end, only me. There's no danger to any of you." I finished.

Rey flinched at my words and scowled at me.

"No danger to us? What about you?" she asked me, a hint of distaste in her voice.

I placed my hand on my head. All this stress was giving me a headache.

"I'm in no danger. He cannot hurt me during the connection. He wants me for the same reason he wants you, Rey. We are Force-sensitive." I said in exasperation.

My face lit up yet again when I realized I didn't know who I was trying to convince more, myself or them.

"Listen, we don't know whats really going on. As long as she knows the dangers I say we let it go. Put it on hold until we find Luke. He'll know what this is." Han interjected.

I could tell Finn and Rey thought we needed to continue the discussion but Han was firm in the belief I could handle myself. It made me feel warm inside knowing he believed in me. I was starting to see Han as someone I could trust. Just not a father figure, I didn't need a father.

"Thank you, Han. Guys really, I'm ok. I don't plan on the connection happening again. Ill try and block it as much as I can, I promise." I said looking between Rey and Finn.

Han stood up and put his hands on the back of his neck.

"Ok, now that that's over, lets head to Maz. Id like to get rid of you lot," he said winking at me.

I stood up and joined him, trying to avoid the intense stares of Rey and Finn.

"This is our stop." Han looked at me, I nodded and followed him into the cockpit.

Han and Rey took the seats in front as Finn and I sat in the back. Han pushed a button on the panel and we exited lightspeed. I heard Rey gasp as she looked at the beautiful green planet in front of us.

"I didn't know there was this much green in the whole galaxy..." she whispered.

I held back tears as I thought about the life Rey had been forced to lead. The only time she was able to see nature was in her dreams. I saw my feelings mirrored in Hans' face as we descended into Takodana.

The Falcon crested over an endless forest that reminded me of home. I felt my heart squeeze at the reminder. Out in the distance beyond the forest, there was a perfect old stone castle. On the other side was a picturesque lake. It was like a fairy tale. Yet something was off, like a calm before the storm. I was about to ask Rey if she felt it too, but the look on her face stopped me.

She looked happy and peaceful. I didn't have it in me to ruin that for her. We landed near the castle and several small beat up freighters. Rey bolted outside and I followed, smiling at her. She stood in front of the falcon eyes glued to the scenery.

I stood on the ramp unsure were my place was in all of this. I could feel a presence of some kind here, it wasn't directed at me, but at Rey. I tried to tell myself that I did belong here, but I wasn't sure.

" _You belong with me_." a small voice said deep within me.

I knew who it belonged to but shut it out. I would stand true to my promise. I wouldn't let him in.

I decided to make a place for myself and stood at Rey's side.

"Isn't this the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" she quietly asked me.

"Yes, it really is. It reminds me of home." my voice broke a bit and Rey turned to me.

"I'll get you back there Elara. I promise, when this is over we will go there together." she hugged me.

I returned the gesture, I still didn't like showing affection but Rey was the exception. I looked over Reys's shoulder to see Han, who was now standing behind us. I quickly stepped away from Rey and awkwardly looked anywhere but at him.

He held out a blaster "You might need this." he told Rey.

Ellie, you still have your saber?" he finished turning to me.

I lifted my saber from my belt and waved it around "Of course."

Rey shook her head at me smiling.

"I think I can handle myself." She told Han.

"I know you do. That's why I'm giving it to you. Take it." Rey took the blaster and gripped it tightly in her hand.

"You know how to use one of these?" he asked her, concern evident in his tone.

"Yeah, you pull the trigger," she smirked.

I giggled but hid it with a cough when Han glared at me. I could sense he wanted to speak with her alone so I excused myself and headed over to the Falcon.

I pulled out my saber and ignited it. I started swinging it around in practice. I could tell it had been too long since I trained, I had to stop to catch my breath. It had only been ten minutes.

"You ok kid?" Han asked me.

"Yeah, just been a while." I huffed.

"Who's saber is that?" he curiously questioned.

"My fathers. He left it behind when he and my mother skipped out on me." I tried to hide my anger but Han picked up on it.

"You got a few minutes?"

I could tell he wanted to ask me something important so I shut down my saber and hung it back on my belt. We started away to the edge of the forest and I shrugged when I noticed Rey silently asking me where we were going.

Once we were out of earshot. I stood in front of Han and waited, he internally debated with himself. I knew whatever was bothering him wasn't easy to bring up. I wanted to help, but the expression on his face told me to stay silent. After only a few beats of my nervous heart, he decided to speak.

"I know I said we'd let this go until we found Luke, but I need to ask you something."

I felt my face drain of color and my heart rate speed up.

"What was he like? Did you sense anything good in him?" he asked me, avoiding my eyes.

I curled my cold fingers around each other.

"Han, I know who he is to you," I whispered.

Han looked up at me in shock.

"Did he tell you?" he whispered in shock.

I wanted so badly to explain everything to him but I didn't know where to start.

"Han, I don't know how to explain the way it felt being around him. I think I should just show you."

I didn't know if this would work but it felt right. I unclenched my fingers from one another and placed my hands on each side of his head. I dug within myself and found every memory of my time with Kylo. I let Han see everything, every thought, every feeling. I was embarrassed and ashamed, but I knew Han needed to see what his son had become. He needed to see that the darkness did not own him completely.

As I finished Han fell to his knees, and let out a pained moan. I was in tears before he broke our connection, I had caught a glimpse of his pain. He missed his son and seeing him as Kylo had been almost to much to bare.

"He's so angry and afraid," Han whispered.

"I know Han. I'm so sorry, but I felt you needed to see that. He isn't completely lost." I answered him honestly.

Han stood up and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Thank you for being kind to him, and thank you for saying no."

I looked away from him. I needed to confide in someone and knew Han would understand.

"It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I wanted to go to him, Han. I almost did, he's my biggest weakness." I told him ashamed, yet relieved to finally admit it.

"He's mine too kid." Han smiled sadly.

I looked into Hans' eyes and was grateful when I didn't see anger or disgust, but hope. The same hope I had seen in Kylo's eyes, it made my blood run cold.

"Let's go," Han said with renewed vigor.

I followed him back to the Falcon, feeling less hopeful. He seemed relieved by something in what I had shown him, and I hoped I hadn't caused more damage than good.

"Everything ok?" Rey asked as we approached.

I didn't have the strength to answer her so I just sent a calming vibe and she took that as a yes.

Han led us to the castle and I looked back at Finn who seemed upset and nervous. I could sense guilt radiating off of him but chose to ignore it. I had enough of my own guilt to deal with.

"Solo, why are we here again?" Finn asked and I tuned in wondering the same thing.

"To get your droid on a clean ship."

I frowned, confused.

"Clean?" I asked.

He stopped walking and turned to Finn and Rey.

"Do you think it was luck that Chewie and I found the Falcon? If we can find it on our scanners, then The First Order's not far behind. Want to get BB-8 to the resistance? Maz Kanata is our best bet." he explained.

I nodded convinced, but Finn wasn't.

"We can trust her right?" he asked.

"Relax kid. She's run this watering hole for a thousand years. Maz is a bit of an acquired taste, so let me do the talking. And whatever you do, don't stare..." Han said looking at all of us.

I started fiddling with my frozen fingers again. I didn't know why, but ever since we landed Id been cold. It wasn't cold here, so I hoped I wasn't catching something.

"At what?" Rey and Finn asked together.

Han opened the door and music filled the air.

"At any of it," he answered.

We walked in and I stumbled trying to take everything in. The large room was loud, crowded and hot. It was a mess, we pushed past a large crowd of aliens and humans alike. All gambling, drinking and arguing amongst themselves.

I felt someone grab my ass and moved to spin around and say something, but Han pushed me forward.

"Don't talk to anyone." He whispered in my ear.

"But he.." I mumbled.

"No one!" Han insisted.

I grumbled angrily, annoyed that he wouldn't let me kick that guy's ass for touching mine. Suddenly a loud voice filled the air and I felt a strong pull in the Force.

"Han Solo!"

The room fell silent as a small four-foot alien, wearing adjustable goggles stood in front of us.

"Oh, boy" Han mumbled beside me.

"Hey Maz!" he waved.

Slowly the noise returned to the crowded room and I began to feel more comfortable. Maz headed towards us pushing someone out of her way as she went.

"Where's my boyfriend?" She asked.

It was such a sudden and unexpected thing to ask, and I started giggling uncomfortably.

"Ignore her. Chewie's working on the Falcon."

Maz stood next to me and bumped my leg with her hip. "I like that wookie. I assume you need something. Desperately. Let's get to it." She said, walking off and gesturing for us to follow.

We walked past a table of aliens and a small droid, and I felt recognition flit around me. I caught up with Han and was about to mention it when he shook his head at me.

I guess he already knew we'd been noticed. I hoped he had one of his infamous plans at the ready.

We sat at a round table and Maz put together some food, I was insanely grateful. It felt like an eternity since I'd eaten.

"A map to Skywalker himself? You're right back in the mess," she said.

I tried to focus on the conversation but the food looked so good. She handed me a plate and began making more for Rey and Finn. I started eating it happily.

"Hmm. No. You've been running away from this fight for too long. Han, nyakee nago wadda. Go home!"

Han looked down at his lap and sighed.

"Leia doesn't want to see me," he mumbled.

"Please, we came here for help," Finn interjected and I kicked him in the leg.

God, he could be so rude!

"What fight?" Rey said curious as ever.

"The only fight: against the dark side. Through the ages, I've seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, its The First Order. Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy. We must face them. Fight them. All of us." Maz said bravery in every word.

Finn sat up straight agitated by her words.

"There is no fighting The First Order! Not one we can win. Look around. There's no chance we haven't been recognized already. I bet you The First Order is on their way right..." Finn stopped and started staring at Maz as she adjusted her goggles, her eyes enlarging.

Id never seen this side of Finn before the cowardly side. I knew he was full of angst and fear but I didn't think he was a coward.

"Whats this? What are you doing?" Finn asked her his voice squeaking.

Maz grunted as if she'd found something in Finn that she already suspected was there. She started hoisting herself onto the table, knocking food and plates to the floor as she crawled towards him. He pushed himself further into his seat and I scooted over towards Han, uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"Solo what is she doing," Finn asked looking at us.

"I don't know but it ain't good." Han taunted.

"If you live long enough you see the same eyes in different people. I'm looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run." Maz said.

Finn stared in Maz's eyes "You don't know a thing about me. Where I'm from. What I've seen. The First Order will slaughter us."

Rey sat to the side of Finn in silence with fear and surprise on her face. Maz scooted back into her chair, her face blank as she pointed at two men in the corner.

"You see those two? They'll trade work for transportation to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear."

Finn looked at the men and I could see him consider what that could mean for him. I hoped for Rey's sake he made the right choice.

"Finn!" Rey hollered at him.

I put my head in my hands as he asked her to join him. The similarities between this situation and the one Id dealt with saddened me.


	7. Chapter Seven

**_*Let me know what you think. Are we excited about seeing Kylo?*_**

"What about BB-8? We're not done yet. We have to get him to the base." Rey said.

Finn looked at her, a pained expression on his face.

"I can't."

Rey's face fell, I looked at Finn anger boiling inside of me.

"Fine Finn. If you want to run, then run. Be the coward the First Order believes you to be." I spat.

Rey gasped at my outburst but I didn't care. Everything I had said was true. I know he must have seen terrible things but that's no excuse to run. That should give him fuel to fight.

"You don't know a what your saying. Maybe you get warm and fuzzy when you think of Ren and the First Order, but some of us know the truth. They are monsters." he spat back at me.

I was speechless, it was like he'd slapped me in the face. Finn stood up from the table and offered Han his gun.

"Keep it, kid," Han said.

I glared at him as he walked away with Rey following.

"Don't listen to him Elara. He doesn't know what he's saying. Fear speaks for him." Maz said, readjusting her goggles.

Maz laid her hand on mine and stared into my eyes. Her gaze was like fire, it spread through me casting light on all my fears and secrets.

"No one is ever truly lost. Remember that child. You and Rey have a large place in this war but that doesn't necessarily mean it will be together. Her place is with Luke. Yours will soon be shown to you. Be brave and keep strong, you will need all the strength you possess to win your ultimate battle." Maz spoke softly.

I felt familiar fear flow through me.

"I cant do this alone. How will I know where my place is?" I asked her.

She moved her hand to my face.

"You will know. You are strong with the Force, stronger than even your father before you. I'm sorry, this battle you will have to fight alone. No one can help you." She finished, looking at Han.

I was confused, why would she look to Han?

"Elara, daughter of Jupiter. Follow your Rey one last time, for she will need you during her new beginning." Maz pointed to Rey who was leaving the room and heading further into the castle.

I ignored the fear her words brought me and went after Rey. I followed her into the basement corridor and looked down as BB joined me.

"Hey BB, are you as creeped out as I am," I whispered.

BB beeped in agreement. I watched as Rey crept slowly down the hallway, clearly unsure of herself.

"Rey," I asked.

She jumped and spun around, her blaster at the ready.

"Whoa sunshine, its just me," I told her, placing my hands in the air.

"Elara what the hell! I could have shot you." she sighed.

Rey joined me and looked around nervously.

"What are we doing down here Rey?" I asked her.

"Don't you hear it? The whispers." She quietly asked me.

I closed my eyes and calmed myself, trying to access the Force. That's when I heard it, the echoing sounds of a young girl crying.

"Yes, what is that?" I asked, moving forward.

Rey shook her head and followed me. We made our way to the end of the long hallway. We both stopped in front of a door, where we could hear a soulful vibration. Rey stepped forward and looked at the door intently, we both jumped as it swung open. Hesitantly I pushed Rey forward, I gave her a confident nod and joined her. The room was dark and small, it had a vaulted ceiling and was obviously used for storage. I stepped to the side and allowed Rey to explore, this was all meant for her.

Her eyes scanned the room and they were drawn to a small wooden box. I followed her to it, she bent down and ran her fingers across it.

"Should I?" she asked me.

I sat down beside her and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. She slowly opened the box and revealed an old lightsaber. I could feel the power coming off of it, and knew it had belonged to someone special. Rey's face became tense and distant. The Force was calling to her. She reached for the saber and as her hand touched it, the room around us changed. I knew what this was, a Force vision.

A loud mechanical breathing filled the air and we could hear disembodied voices. We were in a hallway in some distant city I'd never seen before, Rey ran in fear down the long hallway and I followed trying to remain calm.

"No!" a little girls voice screamed.

I looked around trying to find the source, but the hallway tilted and we both started falling, landing on the wall which had become the ground. I stood up and helped Rey. We both looked around trying to find out where we were. In the distance, we could see a temple burning. It was night and a droid stood before us, a cloaked man beside it. The man fell to his knees and placed a mechanical hand on the droid in despair. Rey looked above us as the world began to tilt again. I was starting to get seasick. The night turned to day and rain started to fall. I lifted my cupped hands up and watched as they filled with water. Rey's scream pierced the air and I looked over to see a man cloaked in black stab someone with a fiery saber. I stepped back knowing who he was. Fear gripped me, Kylo. I ran over to Rey as the scene changed again, this time showing us a battlefield the sky was dark. I held Rey's freighted hand as Kylo, flanked by six men headed towards us. Suddenly the rain stopped and the sky was illuminated with light. I looked around and saw we were now in the desert of Jakku. In front of us, a little girl sobbed hysterically. An alien held her arm as she reached for the sky, a starship flew away in the distance. We were looking at a little Rey, watching her parents abandon her. I held the adult Rey in my arms and looked away from the pitiful sight before us.

"No, come back!" young Rey cried.

"Quiet girl!" the alien spat.

Slowly the world was once again eclipsed by darkness as we were transported to a cold and snowy world. We both looked around, exhaustion and sadness filled Rey's body. Our breath showed in the air and the horrible sound of clashing sabers filled the frigid silence. We moved through the woods, following the sound. I felt my heart pounding in my chest, this had to end soon. I didn't know how much more Rey could handle. I saw Rey stop and stood at her side. Out of the trees, a figure emerged. Kylo Ren, Rey started screaming and we began to fall backward landing in the storage room of Maz's castle.

Rey pushed herself out of the room breathing heavily. I stepped out after her and saw she was kneeling in front of Maz.

"What was that? I shouldn't have gone in there." I heard her say.

"That lightsaber was Luke's. And his fathers before him, and now, it calls to you."

Rey stood up in haste, she was speechless.

Maz held Rey's hand.

"Dear child. I see your eyes. You already know the truth. Whoever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're not coming back. But there's someone that still could." Maz told her.

"Luke," Rey whispered.

"The belonging you both seek is not behind you. It is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes feel it." Maz told us.

"The light. Its always been there. It will guide you. The Saber. Take it." she continued.

Rey backed away.

"I'm never touching that thing again. I don't want any part of this," she said running off.

Maz sighed and looked up at me.

"Your destiny is waiting for you. Find it."

I smiled at her and ran after Rey.

I exited the castle and saw Rey run into the woods BB close behind her. I started forward determined to help her come to terms with everything that happened. I moved through the foliage in search of Rey. The air around me felt wrong, like something terrible was about to happen. I pushed the feeling to the back of my mind until I couldn't ignore it any longer. A sudden agonizing pain filled my chest and I fell to the ground. It was like I could hear thousands of voices all crying out in agony and fear. I knew at that moment something terrible had happened. Id never felt such sadness before, it overwhelmed me. I sat on my knees and cried out in pain for all those lost souls. That's where Rey found me, on my knees my head in my hands.

"Elara, what happened. Whats wrong!" she called to me.

"Did you not feel the disturbance in the Force?" I asked her in shock.

"No. I'm sorry." she cried.

I allowed her to help me to my feet.

"Rey, I need you to listen to me. I know you're afraid, but Jakku isn't where you belong. You need to find Luke. Please don't run." I begged her. "Take BB, go to Han and the rebellion." I finished.

Rey looked at me in confusion.

"What about you?" she asked, worriedly.

I didn't know how to tell her, I could feel we wouldn't be continuing our journey together. I knew I wouldn't leave this planet with Rey.

"I'll be right behind you. I just need a minute." I lied.

I pulled Rey into a hug. I didn't know when I would see her next. I led her to the edge of the woods and watched as she ran towards the castle BB in tow.

I was alone.


	8. Chapter Eight

**_*This Chapter is much smaller than the rest, but I felt it ended right where it needed to. I'll make up for it in the next chapter. I hope you enjoy, as always please review.*_**

I took one last look at Rey's retreating figure and made my way deeper into the forest. I had to stay out of sight, and I knew this was where I was supposed to be. If I tried to go back to the castle, Han and Rey would convince me to go with them. They wouldn't listen or understand that I wasn't meant to. I kept hearing Maz's voice in my head, telling me my destiny wasn't with Rey. I had something else I needed to do. I didn't know what that was, but I could feel I was getting closer and closer to figuring it out. I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear the insistent beeping until it was right beside me.

"BB, what are you doing here?"

BB-8 rolled up to me, beeping angrily.

"Hey...BB stop...you don't understand." I bent down and held the tiny and angry droid still.

He was rolling into my leg; calling me every horrible name his processing would allow.

"I'm not running away. This is where I'm supposed to be. Not with Rey. I'm sorry, but its the truth." I tried to explain my reasoning, but it sounded flimsy, even to me.

"You have to go back." I placed my hand on his head and stood up.

He beeped at me; telling me he wouldn't leave me alone. I grinned at the faithful droid, my smile fell as I remembered how important this particular droid was to the resistance.

"BB. No, you cant - you have to go back, you're too important. They'll help you." I told him.

Above us a loud sound erupted; a fleet of first order ships roared, heading towards the castle.

"Go BB, get to Rey. I'll be fine." I hollered at him.

He jerked a bit and started rolling as fast as he could. I ran in the other direction waiting, I could sense someone. I knew that they had found me and were coming. I readied my saber and slowly walked through the forest. The sound of battle sent chills down my spine. Force help them, I thought. I could feel fear and anger coming from both sides. The air around me; that had only moments ago buzzed with life became silent. A chill went through me and I felt a familiar presence. A terrifying sound reached my ears, the sound of a saber igniting. I looked around, searching for what I knew was somewhere hidden in the dark. How fitting; always hiding in the dark. My eyes adjusted as Kylo Ren stepped out from behind a tree. I held my breath in fear; this was real, he was actually standing in front of me. I suddenly realized how stupid I was. I should have run with BB, this was insane. Of course, it would be him searching for me. I closed my eyes and moved my saber in front of me. I had to keep him here, and away from Rey and BB. They were what was important. Maybe that's my destiny, to give my life for those I love. I could do that, for Rey. Kylo headed towards me; the sound of his breathing making a menacing mechanical rasping. I stood up taller, ready for my sacrifice. The Force swelled within me pulling me towards him. I took that as a confirmation that this was what I was meant to do.

"The girl that plagues my dreams." his mechanical voices rasped.

He walked around me and I forced myself to stay firm and emotionless. He looked into my face and I frowned at the ridiculous mask. He tried so hard to be someone he wasn't, that thought annoyed me.

"The droid." He whipped his saber up to my eyes illuminating my face. "Where is it?" he demanded.

I looked away, the light hurting my eyes; the warmth of his fiery saber causing beads of sweat to run down my face. I remained silent, avoiding his masked gaze. Annoyed by my silence Kylo lowered his saber and extinguished it. His hand reached up in front of my face and a terrible ache filled my head. I couldn't move or breath. The pain was agony, he was trying to access my thoughts and memories. I pushed back refusing him entrance, but he kept pushing. Exhaustion plagued my mind, yet still, I fought. Finally, he let me go, and I fell to the ground gasping for air.

"You're wasting your time fighting me. Even without your memories, I know you've seen the map. The droid is fond of you I sense it, it will have shown you." he said.

I stood up and steadied myself, silently laughing at him. How wrong he was. Kylo touched my face trying to ease himself into my consciousness. I scoffed loudly at him.

"I'm no idiot Ren, I will not allow you into my head. Feigning gentleness will not work." I spat.

He lit his saber, his temper rising. I smiled too tired to be afraid, I'd come to terms with my fate.

"Your fate?" he questioned.

I jumped unsure Id heard him right. I must have let my walls slip a bit in my exhaustion. I built them back up and looked away.

"You think this is your fate? TO DIE for your pathetic resistance?" His voice rose as he spoke of my death.

The sounds of explosions reached our ears and stormtroopers approached us.

"Sir, resistance fighters! We need more troops." the stormtroopers said, speaking quickly.

I held back my glee, but he still sensed it. The way my hopes lifted the tiniest bit at the news.

"Pull the division out. Forget the droid. We have what we need." he told the trooper.

His mechanical voice grated at my nerves. I tilted a bit, barely able to stand. My strength was wavering and that scared me. I couldn't let him in, but at this rate, I didn't know if I could hold him back. He stepped behind me. I felt a small tug at my consciousness and then nothing. Darkness, Oh how I hated it.

 ** _Castle Exterior_**

The air around Finn and Rey was thick with the smell of sweat and blood. From the woods, they could see stormtroopers.

"Pull back the tree line!" They called to the others.

Han and Chewie dodged debris, taking out trooper after trooper. Rey moved closer to Finn looking around for her lost friend. BB-8 had told her Elara was still in the forest and had refused to join them. Rey couldn't help but feel a bit betrayed by her best friends actions. Hadn't she just criticized Finn for his cowardice? Rey used her new saber to take down a trooper that had been heading for Han and Chewie. Finn was inches from her firing his blaster into a crowd of troopers. Suddenly Rey felt Elara's familiar presence. It was dulled and less vibrant, but she had no doubt it was hers. She spun around searching, fear and relief fighting for dominance inside of her. From a distance, she could see Kylo Ren exiting the forest an unconscious Elara in his arms. He stepped into his awaiting shuttle.

"Elara NO!" Rey cried out.

Han and Finn looked in the direction Rey was fighting her way towards. Fear rocked Han at the sight of his son. Remorse for Elara filled him, he knew there was something going on between the two. He didn't know what it was, but it gave him hope. Yet he feared the darkness would consume her as it had done his son. Finn shot another trooper as he followed Rey. He knew it was too late and he worried she'd get herself killed trying to get to Ellie. The shuttle that held their friend captive lifted into the air and they watched in sadness as she flew further and further away from them.


	9. Chapter Nine

**_*Hey guys, I wanted to thank you for the reviews. They really do keep me posting. I hope you enjoy the new chapter. Let me know if you like the POV change. I don't know if I'm going to do it again. It'll depend on what you all think. Also, there is a possible trigger in this chapter. There's a torture scene. I just thought you ought to know;)*_**

I jerked awake disoriented. Where the hell am I? I tried to look around but my head throbbed. I was strapped down to some kind of metal restraining table. I closed my eyes trying to stay calm. I'd always been a bit claustrophobic, being restrained like this was one of my worst fears. I was trying my hardest to keep myself from panicking. A presence in the corner brought me a welcomed distraction. I looked over to see the mask of Kylo Ren. He was sitting in the corner staring at me.

"Your incredibly creepy ya know. Where am I?" my voice was raspy, my throat dry.

He stayed quiet for a beat; irritating me.

"You're my guest," he said.

I lightly slammed my head against the table. Id never met someone so irritating before.

"Where are the others?" I said worriedly.

The fear for my friends outweighed the fear for myself.

"You mean the murderers, traitors, and thieves you call friends?" he asked.

I glared at him if looks could kill Kylo Ren would be no more.

"Your opinion of them matters not. After all, we think the same of your lot. Its a matter of perception." I said nonchalantly.

I smiled at the annoyance I could sense coming from him.

"You'll be relieved to hear that I have no idea where they are," he answered.

I sat my head back against the table and let out a breath. They were safe, that's all that mattered.

"Do you want to kill me?" he asked.

The question confused me and I felt genuine curiosity and apprehension coming from him.

"Isn't that what happens when your being hunted by a creature in a mask?" I said, still slightly confused by his tactics.

I knew I didn't actually want to kill him, but he didn't need to know that. Maybe if he thought I wouldn't hesitate to kill him, I wouldn't have to find out if I would.

Kylo hesitated only for a moment before he reached up and removed his mask. Even though I'd seen his face before during one of our Force connections, it still took my breath away. I'd forgotten how beautiful he was. He stared into my eyes watching my face. I forced my expression to go back to one of defiance instead of wonder.

"Tell me about the droid." he slowly said.

I sighed, already sick of this conversation.

"Well, he's called BB-8, Although I call him BB. He seems to prefer it. Would you like a description?" I said in annoyance.

I knew defying him was dangerous, but I didn't care. The important people were safe.

"He's carrying a section of a navigational chart. We have the rest, recovered from archives of the Empire. We need the last piece. And somehow I know you convinced the droid to show it to you. You, a nobody from Corellia." he said, in slight wonder.

I looked into his eyes.

"What happened to me not being a nobody? Would a nobody have a Force connection with THE Kylo Ren." I used my best exaggerated and arrogant tone.

"We have NO connection; you are nothing." I watched him huff in anger.

I hid the hurt I felt and rolled my eyes. "Okay, Kylo. Your right, I am nothing. You took the wrong girl"

I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I asked the Force for strength, I felt weak and so tired.

"You know I can take whatever I want. You're weakened," he told me.

I felt trepidation flash in my eyes and recoiled as his hand came towards me. Force gives me strength. He almost touched my face, and we both felt surprised as an energy passed between us. Our connection. I strained trying to free myself, it was hopeless. He had me right where he wanted me. I felt a pull in my mind as he tried, yet again to access my thoughts and memories. I fought back, I refused to give him what he wanted. If he continued to believe I could show him the map. That would give Rey more time to find Luke. At this moment I hated Kylo Ren. I glared at him, my expression one of obvious disdain. I fell back my energy gone. I had nothing left; he was right, I was weak. His mind finally found mine.

"You're so lonely, so scared. Not of me, but of yourself. You fear your powers. You fear losing your friends." he told me, quietly.

A smile appeared on his face, and I hated it. "At night, you miss me. You miss our connection."

I leaned forward anger fueling me. He was making a fool of me and I wouldn't allow it.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I screamed.

I started to fight back again.

"I know you've seen the map, it's in there. Ill find it." He leaned closer, our faces only inches apart. "Don't worry El, I feel it too." he continued.

I leaned forward closing the distance between us. "I won't give you anything."

I knew he could feel my hot breath on his face. His eyes moved to my lips and I watched his mouth open slightly, his tongue darted across his lips. I tried to ignore the urge to kiss him, but I couldn't deny it was there.

"We'll see, I know you won't be able to fight me much longer." he raggedly said.

After a few minutes, Kylo's confidence faltered, as I gained my footing. I could feel the wall he had built up against me. The more I pushed the weaker it became. He couldn't keep me out, and I started to believe maybe he didn't want to. I smiled in exaltation as I broke through the final bit of his wall. I could feel him all around me, it was exhilarating.

"You...your afraid...that you'll never be as strong as Darth Vader." I spat.

Kylo quickly withdrew his hand, and my connection with his mind abruptly ended. I fell back, once again exhausted. Ren stood up straighter and put his mask back on. He left the room without saying another word to me. I closed my eyes and used this small moment of peace to rest.

* Time Lapse*

I awoke to a trooper entering the room with a tray of food in his hands.

"I'm here to feed you and then you're to be restrained again," he told me.

I nodded too hungry to argue. He laid the food on a metal chair in the corner. The one Kylo had used. He unstrapped me, I rubbed my aching wrists and bolted to the tray of food. It had been over a day now since Id eaten. I gulped down the water greedily and was sad when I could see the bottom of the cup. I cleared my sore throat.

"Could I possibly get more water?" I could barely hide the pleading in my voice.

I hated to beg, but I needed strength if I was ever going to escape this hell. The trooper looked at me in silence and then took my cup.

"I have permission from General Hux to subdue you in any way necessary; so don't try anything," he warned.

I smiled at the trooper and crossed my heart. He left the room and I could hear him access the panel to lock the door behind him. It was completely unnecessary, I wasn't stupid. There was no way Id try to escape without a plan. Id likely be killed, and it wasn't worth the risk. I didn't even know where I was. I ate the food, trying to ignore the taste. Beggars can't be choosers. The door lifted open as I finished. The trooper handed me the now full cup, and I gulped it down quickly. I smiled at him thankful.

"Whats your name?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

I wasn't sure If troopers even had names, but he had been nice to me. It was only right I knew his name.

"AN-2457," he told me.

I frowned, I would not call him that. Even pets get named, and he was human for Force sake.

"I'm gonna call you Aiden. AN Aiden. I like it." I said.

Aiden mulled it over for a few moments and then chuckled. It was an odd sound coming from his mask, but it wasn't menacing, like Kylo's. Aiden looked around and then slowly removed his mask. I was pleasantly surprised. He was handsome, and around the same age, I was. He had a broad, defined chin and blonde hair. His eyes were a beautiful blue, they reminded me of the sky.

"Thank you, I've always wanted a name. I'm sorry to do this, but I have to restrain you again." His face fell, and I felt for him.

He had no choice, not everyone got as lucky as Finn. Escaping especially now would be a death sentence.

"It's ok, I understand," I told him.

I stood up and laid back on the table. He strapped me down gently, this time through, the straps didn't dig into my skin. Aiden placed his helmet back on and patted my shoulder.

"I'll let General Hux know your done eating. Maybe he will send someone to take you someplace more comfortable." he sadly said.

I offered him my thanks and tried to fall back asleep. Not even an hour later the door opened, and someone new came in. He had bright red hair that stood out drastically against his pale pasty skin. I remember reading a story once from earth; it had a family of redheads in it, he'd fit right in. His eyes were dull and lifeless, a permanent scowl rested on his face.

"I've been told you resisted Ren. I'm impressed, not many people can. Even so, I need the information you hold and I've been given permission to gain it." He walked back and forth in a straight line in front of me as he spoke.

I held back my many retorts, I knew whatever was coming was bad, I wasn't dumb enough to poke the bear.

"I have someone I'd like you to meet. She's an expert at taming those who want to be defiant. Captain Phasma." he said evilly.

The door swung open and in walked a woman in a silver stormtrooper uniform. She had a box in her hand, and I didn't want to find out what was in it. I calmed my shaking body. I wouldn't appear weak. They would not break me.

"Have fun ladies. Phasma, show no mercy." With that Hux left the room.

"So you're the Force-sensitive resistance fighter? Hm, somehow I'm not impressed," she smirked.

Her masked voice a feminine version of Kylo's, their masks hiding their true selves. In my eyes they were cowards, hiding behind a mask to try and strike fear into the hearts of their innocent victims. Phasma opened the door once more and drug in a tall metal table covered in tools. She placed the black box on top and grabbed a roll of thick silver tape. She used it to cover my mouth, and tape down my hands so that I couldn't move.

"I wouldn't want our fun to end, so no Force, sorry. She then held out a black blindfold. "In a moment I'm going to place this on you, but first I want to show you my toy." She opened the box and pulled out a sharp red knife.

"This beauty here is my favorite. You see I can cut you over and over, never having to worry about blood loss. Because it cauterizes every wound I make." Phasma laughed, a terrible evil laugh.

I had never been this scared in my entire life, but I wouldn't show her. I would be strong. She waved the blade across my face, the heat causing my skin to blister. She placed the blindfold on me. I closed my eyes as tears tried to escape.

"Where to begin? Let's start with your neck, that'll be fun. After I play a bit I'll remove the tape, and we will see if you're ready to talk." she said.

I kept my eyes closed, begging the Force to keep me strong. I felt the first cut, it was like magma. I bit my tongue and held back my screams. Once she was done with the first she went on, not stopping for more than a second. She held the blade under the side of my chin and cut down until she met my collarbone. I tasted blood as I bit down harder on my tongue.

"Oh, we have a strong one. I like em strong, makes you more fun to break." she laughed.

I felt her move the knife from my neck. "Let's try this beautiful face next, shall we?" she continued.

I could sense her hovering over my face and I braced myself. She laid the blade against the side of my face and ran it up to my nose. I could smell burnt flesh, and I only just kept the bile from rising. I couldn't hold back the pained sob that escaped my lips. Phasma chuckled at my muffled sob. I was on the edge of consciousness. I didn't even know what I was doing anymore. I went deep inside my self and called out with the Force; a pained plea for help. Then I collapsed into unconsciousness.

Kylo's POV

I had left the Supreme Leader only hours ago and was now pacing back and forth in my room. I had tried to convince him that Elara would make a good apprentice, but he had been hesitant. He said he needed time to think about it; to search the dark side. He wanted to be sure she was strong enough with the Force. He needed to know she would not be a liability. So here I was, waiting for his answer. I wanted to go to her. To try and persuade her to join me. I could sense she had been tempted the last time. I knew with the proper motivation that she would accept my offer. The thought of her at my side greatly pleased me. Together nothing would be able to stop us. I sat down on my bed and removed my mask. I looked down at it and imagined the look on Elara's face when she'd seen me without it. I felt my heart speed up at the thought of her desire for me. I smiled, thinking of her flawless face. Suddenly, I wasn't alone in my room. I could feel another presence. It was faint and held great pain.

"Help me, somebody please help me," it called out.

It was El.

I slipped my helmet back on and rushed out of my room. I didn't know what was going on, but Force help whoever caused the pain I heard in her voice. I made my way to her holding room, her presence growing stronger the closer I got. It was weak, almost non-existent. I could feel fear and agony. My anger grew; how dare they hurt my apprentice. They had no right to touch her. No one was to touch what belonged to me. I ignited my saber and used the Force to lift open the door.

What I saw horrified me.

El had tape stretched across her face and a blindfold hiding her eyes. Her face was slanted to the side. She was clearly unconscious. A large red cut ran across the side of her face, meeting the edge of her nose. She had three large cuts on her neck to match. Her skin was blistered and inflamed. My eyes ran down her body, where she had more tape covering her delicate hands. They had prevented her from using the Force. I looked over to see Phasma sitting in the chair I had used only the day before. Anger surged through me like never before.

She stood and saluted me. "Ren, have you come to try and gain information?"

She clearly hadn't noticed my deadly anger.

"Who gave the orders for this?" My voice dripped with venom.

She froze for a moment."Hux said Snoke ordered him to get the information by any means necessary."

I shook in anger. "Take the girl to the infirmary NOW!"

I needed to speak with Snoke. I couldn't go against his direct orders, but I doubted this was his doing. I had only just spoken with him, and he hadn't decided her fate yet.

"Yes, sir."

I waited until El was in Phasma's arms and headed to the infirmary before I made my way to Snoke.

I entered the conference chambers and waited for his hologram to appear before me.

"Kylo Ren, did I not tell you I would summon you when I had an answer?" Snoke's voice made my blood run cold.

He was angry.

"Forgive me Supreme Leader, I only wished to ask you if you gave Hux authorization to torture the girl?" I kept my voice steady.

Snoke raised his deformed brow in surprise. "I've authorized no such thing! Before we spoke I told the General to get the information by any means necessary. I then told him you were in charge of her." Snoke leaned forward. "He should have known he no longer had any authority." The Supreme Leaders voice echoed throughout the room.

I went on to tell him what Phasma had done under Hux's command. His anger at being defied put mine to shame.

"Tell Hux I wish to speak with him. I'll handle his punishment." He smiled maliciously.

"The girl seems strong. You may train her. I will decide her fate once I've seen how she excels within the dark side."

Snoke's hologram vanished and I was left to deliver the news to Hux. I hoped he suffered. How dare he try to usurp my authority. Once I had delivered Snoke's message I made my way to the infirmary.

I had an apprentice to check on.

Elara's POV

I awoke for the second time in a manner of days, in a room I didn't recognize. This was getting old. I tried to sit up but the pain in my head and neck caused me to abandon the attempt. Lying flat it is. I tried to look around and saw I was in a black sterile room. I must have been taken to the infirmary. Odd, Id expected them to let me suffer. I looked up at the tiled ceiling. I sighed, I guess these people hate bright colors. Id never thought I'd miss something as trivial as color, but I did. I'd kill to see the color yellow. Let's see, who would I choose to kill? I lied there thinking through who Id kill, and how for a good hour.

After I gave up in boredom, I thought about what was running through my mind and felt guilty. This was not who I was. What they did to me was awful, but I couldn't allow it to turn me into someone full of hate. I had to get out of here, this place was going to turn me into a monster. The aura here was nothing but darkness. I couldn't breathe anymore. I made a plan, Id take the chance, and try to escape. Even if I was caught and killed it would be worth it. Either way, they were going to kill me, so this was just speeding up the clock.

I fought the pain and sat up, I pulled the IV out of my arm and stood. I looked down at what I was wearing and sighed. Damn, I was in a thin white hospital gown. This would attract attention. Ok, calm down, I just need clothes. I walked over and looked through all of the cabinets in my room. I found absolutely nothing. I was wasting to much time. I came to terms with my barely there gown and made my way to the door.

I used the Force to open it and peaked around the corner. There were two nurses on the other end of the hallway, they hadn't noticed me yet. I bolted forward, my bare fit making little sound. I hid behind the desk a few paces from my door and found a scalpel placed conveniently on a silver table beside the desk. I pushed back the horrible memories the silver table brought me and took the scalpel. It wasn't much, but it made me feel calmer. I ran forwards trying to find a way out.

I had completely forgotten I knew nothing of where I was. I just wanted to get out of here. I was acting impulsively; something I'd never done before. I kept running, my red hair flying around me wildly. I could hear voices and slammed myself against the wall. There was a door to my right, and I slipped through it. The door closed behind me, I looked around hoping I was alone. I was in a dark(really was there any other kind here?) room.

It was clothed entirely in black. There was a bed in the middle of the room, and a closet on the other side. I knew this place. I wracked my brain trying to figure out why this room gave me Déjà Vu. I quietly made my way to the bed and took a long look at it. The black satin sheets triggered a memory. Kylo sleeping peacefully. Oh for Force sake, this was his room. Where Id seen his face for the first time. I walked backwards towards the door. Of all the rooms I could have slipped into Id chosen this one. What was wrong with me? Everything leads me back to him.

I opened the door and looked around, the hallway was empty. I ran out of the room, sirens started blaring and someone came over the intercom letting everyone know a prisoner had escaped. Dammit, I was screwed. I turned a corner and met a group of troopers. I froze in place. Well, this didn't end well. In fear, I placed the scalpel out in front of me. I wasn't going down without a fight. The trooper in front raised his hand and told the others to stay back.

"She could hurt herself don't approach. We were told she was to be uninjured." The trooper slowly stepped forward with his hands raised.

I jerked the scalpel forward. "Stay back, I just want to go home."

I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I had to get out of here. I could hear one of the other troopers alert someone of my capture.

"Listen, I'm sorry for what happened to you. Do you remember me?" The trooper was whispering so only I could hear.

I tried to recall when had I met a trooper? It finally clicked.

"Aiden?"

He stepped closer only inches away from the edge of the scalpel. He nodded his head. I didn't want to hurt him, he was the only person kind to me.

"Please don't resist. You're going to be ok," he begged me.

I dropped the scalpel, who was I kidding I was surrounded. I fell down into the kind troopers arms. I was in pain and exhausted. This whole endeavor had been foolish. I felt him lift me off my feet and cradle me in his arms. The others told him someone was on their way to retrieve me. So he stood there and waited, me in his arms.

"You're heavy ya know." he quietly laughed.

I smiled at his joking manner.

"Shut up, I'm as light as air. You're just weak." I joked back.

It felt good to joke with someone. I could sense he was smiling even though I couldn't see his face. There was a small uproar in front of us.

"Where is she?" a cold mechanical voice spoke.

I knew instantly who had shown up. It was hard to forget his deep mechanical tone.

"Here sir." Aiden's voice had turned fearful.

I looked over, Kylo was headed our way.

"Put. Her. Down." Even with his mask, I could hear a warning in his tone.

"She's exhausted sir, she fell. That's why I lifted her up." Aiden explained.

I smiled at Aiden's bravery. Kylo took me from Aiden, I looked at him over Kylo's retreating shoulder. I sent him a weak wave, that he returned.

We left the troopers, and I snuggled my face into Kylo's chest. Yes, I hated him, but ignoring the feeling of protection I felt being in his arms was impossible. He looked down at my face, I placed my hand on his mask.

"Where are you taking me?" I weakly asked.

I was afraid of what punishment awaited me. The pain in my skin a reminder of what these people were capable of.

"The infirmary. Your treatment was not over," he answered.

I felt extreme relief, then confusion.

"Am I not being punished? I did try to escape." I asked.

Kylo scoffed at me. "Yes, you did. Id expected you to try sooner. This time you won't be punished, but try it again, and I will punish you myself."

I frowned at his insult mixed with a threat.

"I would have tried sooner but Phasma kept me busy." My voice was thick with anger.

Kylo stopped walking and looked down at me. "You weren't supposed to be tortured. The people responsible have been punished."

I looked up at him in surprise.

"Isn't that what the First Order does? Torture people for information." I hatefully asked.

Kylo continued walking towards the infirmary.

"Yes, but you weren't supposed to be. We have other plans for you," he said.

I stiffened. We? Who was we? I hated people deciding my fate for me. He was insane if he thought I'd go along with this willingly. He opened the door to my hospital room and placed me on the bed. He sat in a chair beside me and looked over my face.

"Your wounds are healing. You will have scars though." I could hear the anger in his voice.

"Take off your mask Kylo. I hate it." I told him without fear.

He reached up and removed his mask. I was once again taken by his beauty. Would I ever grow used to it? I doubted it. He had dark circles under his stressed eyes.

"Have you been sleeping?" I worriedly asked.

I almost rolled my eyes at myself. Why was I being nice? I hated him.

"I've been busy. My sleep schedule is none of your concern. Let's make this clear, we are not friends." he firmly said.

"No, I guess we are not." I shot back.

I pushed the button to lift the back of my bed up. "What do you want with me, Ren?"

I was down to business. He was right, we were not friends.

"The Supreme Leader has decided I am to take you as my apprentice. You're to train and become one with the dark side," he told me.

I made no sound at the news, I just stared at him. There was no way I would ever become one with the dark side. He had to know that.

"Are you serious? Do you honestly think I will join you? We have been through this." I squeezed my hand into a fist, fighting back my anger.

"YOU WILL! You have no choice." His voice was strong, full of anger.

"YOU have an anger problem!" I yelled matching his veracity.

He stood up igniting his saber. He walked around the room destroying anything he could. I just sat back staring at him. He was such a child in so many ways.

As his destruction met its peak I cleared my throat. "If you're quite done, we were having a discussion."

He looked at me huffing, out of breath.

"You know unleashing your anger like that does more damage than good." I pointed out all the destruction and then my finger landed on him. "You not only hurt everything around you but yourself as well."

I don't know why I was trying to explain this to him. He was an overgrown toddler.

"You know nothing." He used the Force to block my airway.

I gasped for breath. I panicked trying to breathe when the Force swirled around me. I swung my hand out throwing him against the wall.

"Yeah, I have the Force too. How dare you chock me like that. YOU ASS!" I stood up and walked over to him.

He lifted his hand, and I went flying through the air. I landed on the other side of the room. The breath knocked out of me.

He stood in front of me. "You will never use the Force on me again. Do you understand."

I growled at him and stood up. I rocked back and forth trying to stay on my feet. My back ached from hitting the wall so hard.

"You will not tell me what to do. Don't use the Force on me and I won't use it against you. I will never stop defending myself." I refused to fold, to become his lap dog.

I started to fall forward, but Kylo caught me using the Force. "Oh wait. I forgot I'm not supposed to use the Force on you, sorry." He let me go and I fell to the ground.

I lifted my red hair from my face and huffed at him. "REAL funny Ben."

I don't know why I used his real name, but I regretted it as his face fell.

"I'm sorry, you were being funny. At that moment you were just more Ben then Kylo." I tried to explain, but it wasn't helping.

"NEVER call me Ben. I'm not Ben." He growled.

I nodded in agreement. It was true. He wasn't Ben. From what I've seen of Han I knew Ben must have been kind and fun. Those are attributes Kylo does not possess.

I hobbled over to my bed and Kylo spun around quickly. I frowned at his back wondering what he was doing.

"Y-Your gown..." he stuttered.

I laughed at his stuttering but stopped when I realized my gown had untied giving Kylo a nice view of my ass.

I quickly held my gown together and tried to tie it without success.

"Ugh, you're going to have to help me." I couldn't reach, and my back still ached.

Kylo walked towards me his gaze focused on the floor. His face was beet red. It made me feel powerful knowing I'd caused it.

"You know, it's just my ass Kylo. Not like you got a full frontal view. Your lucky, I don't think you'd survive." I tried joking with him, hoping it would get him going.

He scoffed at me. "You wish. Nothing you have interests me."

I laughed at him, and he jerked the ties of my dress causing me to cough.

"So, your gay then?" I knew he wasn't, but I couldn't help myself.

"My sexual orientation shouldn't concern you...but no I'm not. I just have no interest in you." he sighed.

I rolled my eyes and sat back down. I laid back against the bed and looked at Kylo.

"So _Master_ When do I start my training? You should know its still useless, I'm not turning." I told him firmly.

Kylo sighed and gave me a hateful look. "You will, or you will die."

His threat sent unwanted chills through me.

"We start tomorrow. You should be released today," he said.

I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. "Fine, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

I knew I wouldn't turn, but maybe if he believed I could Id have a chance to escape. I needed to get to know this ship so I could find my way around.

"Someone will take you to your new room tonight. I will send a trooper to fetch you in the morning," he told me heading for the door.

I frowned at him. "Yes _Master_ whatever you wish." I feigned a bow as he exited the room.

I laid back, this little adventure of mine was turning into a disaster. I had to prepare myself, convincing Kylo that I was trying to accept the dark side without actually doing it wasn't going to be easy. I closed my eyes and fell asleep. My dreams were full of color and friendship.


	10. Chapter Ten

* ** _Hey guys! I have a pic of Elara's First Order uniform up on Wattpad. That's also where I update first so feel free to look the story up on there.*_**

I felt probing at my face, and slowly opened my eyes. A man in a white coat was leaning over me.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

The man took a step back and smiled awkwardly down at me.

"Hello there, I'm Dr. Evans. I'm just checking your progress. Commander Ren is adamantly awaiting your release."

"I'm sure he is." I sighed.

The Dr lifted a brow at my sarcasm. I took a deep breath and let out the question I'd been dying to ask someone.

"Can I have a mirror?" I was scared of what I might see, but I needed to know.

The Dr's expression fell to one of concern. "Sure. I'll be right back."

The door closed as he left. I sat up straighter, moving over to the edge of the bed. I lifted my hand to my face and flinched. It still hurt, but not as much as before. I was told they had used everything at their disposal to help me, that I should only have minimal scarring. The skin on my face felt jagged in places. I swallowed hard, holding back tears. I have never been one to hold vanity close to my heart, but I was still afraid. Id never had a relationship of any kind, and I couldn't help feeling I would never have one now. I must look like a monster. I remember my mother telling me a man should love you for whats on the inside, but I still wondered if he could look past my exterior to get there. I placed my hands in my lap, and mentally slapped myself.

Here I was crying over something ridiculous when I had real problems. I shouldn't care what anyone else thought of me. My opinion of myself is the one that matters most. I vowed to myself that whatever I saw in that mirror wouldn't affect me. My appearance is not who I am.

The Dr came through the lifted door holding a white mirror in his hands.

"Now remember, your still healing. The redness and blistering isn't entirely gone yet."

I gave the Dr my best-exasperated look, and he handed me the mirror. I placed it on my lap face down.

"Could I have a moment alone?" Dr. Evans placed a hand on my shoulder and nodded, leaving me in peace.

I kept reminding myself of the vow I had just made as I lifted the mirror to my face. I stopped at my neck and turned it over. Three pink jagged scars ran down my neck ending at my color bone. They weren't nearly as bad as I thought they'd be, but they still angered me. I put the mirror down and took a deep breath.

"It's like pulling off a band-aid Elara just do it," I told myself.

I quickly lifted the mirror to my face and closed my eyes. I squeezed my eyes closed for a few moments before I finally pried them open. I couldn't stop the cry that escaped my lips. I lifted my hand to my face. I ran my index finger across the swollen cut that ran down the left side of my face. It began at my nose and ended at the edge of my chin. It was jagged, and I could tell it had gone deep. I knew that it would continue to heal, but I could already see the type of scar it would leave. It would be impossible to hide even if I used a concealer. I would always see someone I didn't recognize now. I was forever altered because of the First Order. I hated them ALL!

I threw the mirror across the room where it shattered. I was so angry, and I didn't know what to do with it. I flung my hands out and screamed. Everything around me flew across the room. I let the hate and anger fill me up until everything around me was destroyed. I don't know when I stopped screaming, maybe when the nurse came in to try an sedate me. I didn't think of how Id just told Kylo his anger should be dealt with differently, or how I was hurting the poor nurses who were just trying to help me. I didn't even remember my previous vow. I was drowning, all the anger I had tried to ignore was coming to the surface. The only thing I could see was hate, hate for the First Order, hate for Kylo Ren, but most of all hate for myself.

I was altered now, not just physically but mentally. Id let hate in and it felt amazing. I thought of all the pain Id endured, everyone who'd hurt me. I couldn't stop, I didn't care who I was hurting.

"Elara! STOP!"

His voice was a beacon, it was all I could see or hear past the hate. Kylo stood in the doorway with three troopers, who's blasters were pointed at me.

I was confused for a second. Why were they aiming at me? One of the troopers stepped forward a bit, his blaster pointed at my face. The anger surged through me again. I lifted the trooper by his neck using the Force and threw his struggling body across the room.

"How dare you threaten me. This is your fault ALL OF IT!"

Kylo made his way towards me his hands up in surrender.

"Listen Elara whatever happened, we can deal with it. You just need to breathe."

I Force pushed him. "Look at me Kylo. I'm a monster, you all turned me into this person I don't even recognize!"

I pulled my hair out of my face, showing him my scars. "This is who I am now Kylo. I'm so angry, I don't know how to fight it anymore."

Kylo dismissed the guards and took his helmet off.

"Then don't fight it El, I can teach you how to use it. You could become so powerful, no one would be able to hurt you again."

I fell to my knees and looked at the devastation around me. This wasn't who I was. It couldn't be. Could it?

"I'm so tired of being hurt and afraid. I don't know if I can do this Ben. It isn't who I am."

I knew calling him Ben was risky, but I didn't care. I needed Ben, not Kylo.

"I can help you, so let me. You'll see all of what you can become for yourself. Then you can make your decision." Ben sat down in front of me, he held my face in his hands.

"Your not a monster, these scars are not who you are. You are El because of what you are on the inside. You are strong and brave. These scars are just a reminder of what you have survived."

I smiled at the man in front of me. It was so hard to catch these glimpses of Ben only to lose him again to Kylo, but at this moment I was grateful for both sides of him.

"You know, I think I beat your temper tantrums."

Ben laughed, I swear his smile rivaled the sun. I guess I hadn't lost the sun after all.

"Oh El, this was nothing. You haven't seen me really angry yet."

I shrugged, helping him stand. "God help whoever angers us when we're together then. I didn't know I had that in me."

I kicked a dented table out of my way and sighed. I guess I'm not entirely unsusceptible to the dark side. I didn't know what I was planning now, but if Kylo could train me, help me with this anger. Then I was going to let him. I was tired of feeling weak. I was determined to handle this situation, and only get out of it what I wanted too. I doubt I could go full dark side I'm not evil, but maybe I could get something for myself while I'm stuck here. After all, if I could become stronger that would help not only me but the resistance.

"So, what now? I'm sure Dr. Evans wants me gone now."

Kylo turned towards me. "So you're on first name bases with the Dr?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "I know his name. That's not a big deal."

I didn't understand Kylo's mood swings sometimes. I guess I had no right right judge though.

"Well, if you feel ready I can take you to your room?"

I looked around at the mess again and nodded. No way was I staying here. Ben lifted his hand for mine, and I took it without hesitation.

"You will be ok. I will start training you tomorrow."

I kissed his knuckles, his hand jerked out of mine in a split second. I mentally scolded myself, that was a stupid thing to do. He placed his helmet back on, and just like that Ben was gone.

"Follow me."

I grimaced at his mechanical voice.

We went past the nurse's station, and I almost laughed as they all moved away from me. Their thoughts were riddled with fear, knowing it was because of me was kinda awesome. I'd never been feared before, it was a heady experience. I stepped closer to Kylo, and he made room for me beside him. Walking down the halls with Kylo Ren is something I'll never forget. Everyone parted for him. One trooper actually froze at the side of the room in fear. His reputation followed him everywhere. I could feel how seductive that could be. It made you feel powerful.

My mood dampened substantially when a familiar redhead stepped around the corner in front of us. I stopped walking as my eyes moved to his face. His pale skin was riddled with bruises. I smiled at the thought of his suffering. He deserved much worse. I could feel Kylo shift next to me, he must have heard my thoughts.

I agree.

I mentally laughed as I heard his voice enter my mind.

The General looked between us with disdain plainly written all over his features.

"Ah, Elara nice to see you out of the infirmary. You're looking quite well."

The mocking tone of his voice sparked my anger. I slightly lifted my hand and laughed as he dropped to his knees.

"You might want to avoid me for a while General."

I felt the Force surround me as I was gently pushed against the wall.

"Remember your place apprentice." Kylo sternly said.

"You General will do well to remember you are to show her the same respect you show me. Or should I speak with Snoke?"

The thinly veiled threat brought Hux to his feet. I smiled at him as he passed me.

"Watch your anger Elara. Hux is needed, and Snoke would not appreciate you injuring him."

I walked forward, sending him my agreement via his mind. I then blocked my thoughts, I didn't want him rooting around in my mind. He didn't need to know how torn I was right now.

After a few more nearly identical hallways Kylo stopped in front of a door. I followed him inside and gasped. The walls were a light yellow, along with the comforter on the large bed in the middle of the room. Everything was perfect, there where even silk flowers in a vase beside the door. The closet was stocked full of clothing in a wide variety of colors.

"Now you'll have to wear the basic black uniform in the top drawer while on duty."

I didn't answer him I was still too busy gaping at the beauty around me. The faux window on the other side of the room showed holographic images of different cities

"Corellia is listed on there," Kylo said, stepping beside me.

I flipped through the planets until I found Corellia. My hometown was listed, and so was my forest. I picked the view of the forest and sat down on the bed.

"This is my home Kylo. Somewhere in this forest is my cottage." I wiped tears from my face as Kylo sat down next to me.

"This is actually a live feed. The First Order places cameras on every planet we visit."

I put my hand on his, he flinched but I chose to ignore it.

"This is all wonderful Ben, thank you."

He pulled his hand away from mine.

I watched him sadly as he stood up and headed for the door.

"Snoke wanted to be sure you were comfortable here."

I sent him a mental laugh. "I doubt this was Snokes idea, but I still appreciate it."

"Well, your thoughts in the hospital were quite loud, and hard to ignore."

I blushed remembering all the ways I had thought up to kill Kylo.

"I have a lot to do. I'll send someone to fetch you in the morning," With that Kylo left.

I took another look around the room, I couldn't help but smile. He had gone through a lot of trouble to put this together quickly. I could still smell the paint.

I went to the chest of drawers beside the closet and pulled out the uniform Kylo had mentioned. I lifted the pants up so I could look at them. They were a thin yet durable pair of tights. I would be able to move quickly, the material appeared to be sweat resistant. I looked at the shirt next, I actually really liked it, it was also black, and had two small cutouts on the chest and more on the arms. It was attractive and would keep me cool too. Both piece's of clothing had a small First order insignia on the bottom edge of the fabric.

I placed them on top of the chest in preparation for tomorrow. I moved to the second draw, and a blush reached my face. It was full of very pretty bra's and panties. The thought of Kylo picking these out did funny things to my stomach. I grabbed a fresh pair of pink panties, and a thin nightgown to match. I was excited to take a shower. It felt like ages since I was able to. I found the bathroom on the left side of the bed. It was small, but still had enough room for a nice tub and a shower. Not to mention the other necessities.

I turned on the water and made it not quite scalding but close. I needed to wash away all the terrible crap this last week has held. I got in with my back facing the stream. I knew it would be painful when I put my face, and neck under the heat. I closed my eyes, as steam filled the small bathroom. I allowed soothing tears to fall, and I imagined the water erasing everything. I was determined to step out of the shower a different person. Someone who could survive whatever was thrown at her while with the First Order. I washed and enjoyed the feeling of being cleansed. As I rinsed the last of the soap from my body I heard a knocking. Someone was at the door.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. I wrung my hair out and made my way to the door. I typed in the code Kylo had left beside the vase, and it swung up revealing a trooper. Even with his helmet on I could see him scan my body.

"Up here, kid." I pointed to my eyes, and the trooper removed his helmet.

"Aiden?" I smiled at him.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were busy. I knew you hadn't been given a tour of the ship yet. I thought you'd like an escort to the cafeteria for dinner."

I hadn't even thought about dinner.

"Wow, thank you. I'd completely forgotten about dinner. Let me get dressed." I gave him a smile, as I closed the door.

I found a simple outfit and slipped on a pair of flats. After I used the blow dryer I found in the bathroom I considered myself acceptable. I opened the door and used the pad on the outside to lock up.

"Ok, I'm ready. How far is the cafeteria?"

We walked side by side down the hall. Aiden seemed at ease with me, and I appreciated that. I tried to stay out of his head, but it was hard. His thoughts were loud. He had so many questions for me.

"It's probably a ten-minute walk from your room. This is a huge ship."

He was right, I was trying to remember the way back to my room, but everything was identical. How anyone found their way around here Id never know.

"So, you have questions?"

Aiden's face became bashful and pink, it was incredibly cute.

"Did you hear that?"

I tried to keep my face nonchalant, but I could sense he knew the truth. For someone without Force capabilities, he was very astute.

"Your training with Kylo Ren now?"

I couldn't help but giggle at his horrified expression.

"Yes, I work with Ren. He really isn't that bad, I guess. We have a lot in common."

Aiden's answering laugh echoed through the empty hall.

"You have something in common with him? What could you possibly have in common, besides your similar tantrums?"

I gave him a comical look. "Hey, that tantrum was warranted. What we have in common is our business."

I slammed my shoulder into his, earning myself a playful shove in return. It was nice having a friend.

"Fine have your secrets. So back home, do you have a boyfriend?

I slowed my walking, I could feel this conversation going into rough waters.

"No, no boyfriend I didn't really get out much."

Aiden's face brightened.

"Oh ok, I'm a free agent too. Well, here we are."

He pushed me through a set of swinging doors. The room beyond was crowded and smelled amazing. Several tables were scattered about the room. Most full of troopers with their helmets on the floor beside them. They were all younger then I expected. Some even younger than myself. I felt pity for them, the First Order treated them as disposable beings. Aiden walked me through the proper procedures, and after we picked an empty table towards the back. I was actually having a blast with Aiden. We had gotten past the post awkward conversation brought on by his previous question. Things were on a comfortable and easy road.

We found out a lot about each other. We even managed the awkward talk about our past, before the war had ruined our present. Aiden had been brought in at the age of fifteen to work for the First Order. He had been an orphan and was glad to be away from that life. It was strange talking to someone who had a positive experience with the First Order. He didn't agree with everything they did, my situation a perfect example, but he truly believed it was all for the greater good.

I was just finishing up my food when a familiar voice ran through my mind.

 _Elara, where are you?_

I let out an irritated sigh. Of course, perfect timing. I let him know my location and continued my conversation with Aiden.

A few minutes later the atmosphere took an abrupt nosedive. Aiden and I looked around wondering why the sudden silence filled the air. I gave Aiden a knowing smile as I noticed Kylo standing in the doorway. He was staring right at me.

"I better go, my boss is here," I whispered to Aiden, he held back a laugh.

I picked up my trash and waved goodbye. I made my way to Kylo wiping my hands on my jeans. He turned around and walked out the doors, I reluctantly followed.

"Kylo! Hey, slow down." I called to his retreating back.

Kylo stopped walking and pulled me into a dark room.

"You will call me Master, nothing more. I am not Kylo or Ben. I'm your Master."

I was taken aback by the sudden edge to his voice.

"Your kidding right?" I couldn't help but scoff at him.

I couldn't believe I had to call someone my Master.

"No. That is what you will call me. If you neglect to then you will be punished."

I took a step back and crossed my arms. If this was the way he wanted to play it then so be it.

"Yes, _Master_."

Even with his death mask on, I could tell he was surprised. I was done fighting. He had told me before that we weren't friends an I had agreed. I was done trying to make sense of his mood swings.

"Good. Now, what were you doing in the cafeteria? Your not to associate with those below you."

I ground my teeth together.

"I was having dinner with a friend. I'm sorry Master, but I will not be told who I can speak to."

Kylo held his hands in fists beside him.

"We do not have friends, and the cafeteria is not where we eat. We eat separately. I will get you the passcode to the dining hall."

I stepped closer to him.

"With all due respect. I will eat where and with whomever I choose."

I walked past him, and into the hall.

"Elara!"

I ignored him and kept walking. Id find my way back eventually. He was being unreasonable. If I was going to survive here Id need a distraction. He wasn't going to take Aiden from me.

"Elara, stop or I will use the Force."

I spun around and met his masked gaze.

"What do you want, Master?"

Kylo pulled me to his face. "You will remember who you're speaking to. I can make your life hell. You will do as I say, you will not see that trooper again!"

I reached up and removed his mask before he could say a word. I held it in my hands and looked into his dark eyes.

"You do not own me. You may think I will submit to you, but you're wrong. I will be your equal or nothing. You don't like it then do with me what you will."

I handed him his mask and continued down the hall. I was trying my hardest to control my temper, but it was becoming difficult. I stood in place for a moment and took a breath. I used the Force, to follow my prior energy. Luckily minutes later I found my room.

Using the Force was becoming so much easier. I went inside and threw on my nightgown. Once I was in bed I felt exhausted, but my fight with Kylo was weighing heavy on my mind.

I closed my eyes and found him in his room. He was pacing next to a destroyed dresser.

"Kylo?"

I used his name without fear. Id deal with the consciences later.

"What are you doing here?" he asked me.

I sat down on his bed and crossed my legs.

"I guess, I'm here because I cant sleep. I kept thinking of before."

Kylo looked at me, his face tired.

"Why must you defy me?"

I smiled at his exasperation.

"Because you're unreasonable. Aiden will not become a problem I promise."

Kylo's face scrunched up.

"Aiden?"

I stood up and grasped his hand. I showed him everything between Aiden and me.

"He's asked you about dating? Why would he ask that? You realize that is out of the question!"

I sighed at Kylo, touching his face.

"My personal life is mine, and mine alone."

Kylo's anger began to rise, he resumed his pacing.

"Why do you have such a problem with him?" I asked confused.

Kylo stopped pacing.

"I don't have a problem with him. I just cannot have you distracted. Your training is whats important."

I sighed finally understanding. He was afraid Id fail. He didn't want to look bad in front of Snoke.

"Ok, I will only see him during my downtime. I promise my training is the top priority."

I stepped into him and placed my arms around him. I was once again grateful for the Force allowing me to use physical contact.

It was easier, we seemed to fight less when I'm not really here. I smiled into his chest. How odd our connection was.

"Fine, but the first time it interferes with training its over. Understand?"

I nodded in agreement. I sat back down on his bed and watched him slowly stop pacing. He brushed his hair from his face. He looked exhausted.

I scooted to the head of his bed and patted the spot beside me.

"Lay down and I'll tell you a story. It'll help you sleep."

Kylo glared at me.

"I don't need your help."

I patted the bed again, giving him my best death glare.

He reluctantly fell onto the bed. I leaned my back against his headboard and started telling him the story of Cinderella. I could easily recall every part of the story. It was a favorite of mine from the fairytale book my father had gotten from Earth. It was assuming telling Kylo Ren a fairytale, but he seemed to enjoy it.

Once I was finished he asked for another, this time I chose Hansel and Gretel. I noticed his hair fall into his closed eyes. I decided to brush it away. I continued to play with his hair as I finished the story. I was amazed that he hadn't pushed me away.

I smiled down at him. I knew this small amount of peace wouldn't last. He avoided anything that made him feel weak, and I knew friendship was one of those things. Even though I knew Id probably pay for this later, I was going to give him this small piece of friendship.

I noticed his breathing had become slow and steady. I was glad he had finally fallen asleep. He needed rest, he tried to hard to be some sith robot.

I staid beside him for a few more minutes just playing with his hair. I hadn't felt this at peace in a while. I still didn't understand how he could make me feel this way. It was like nothing I've felt before.

I mentally shrugged, I guess it's our connection. It will make us formidable allies.

Slowly I disconnected, I was back in my own bed. I rolled over and readjusted myself. I ignored the thoughts running through my head and finally fell into a much need sleep.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**_* I want thank everyone who left me a review. You guys are amazing. I really appreciate it, I hope you enjoy the new chapter. Let me know what you think. I really hope I'm not making Elara to indecisive*_**

"Focus Elara, you have to learn how to use your abilities properly."

This was the fifth time in the last half hour that Kylo had stopped to yell at me. His mood had been exceptionally terrible. I guess this is what I get for seeing him even the slightest bit vulnerable.

"I'm trying ok!" I sat down on the floor exhausted.

We had been training for six hours. I just couldn't get the whole persuasion thing. I didn't know what was wrong with me today.

"You haven't given yourself over to the darkside. Your still clinging onto the light. Its causing a Force block."

Of course he'd read my mind. He always did we he knew my guard was down.

Kylo looked at me sternly, it reminded me of the way my father would look at me when I was in trouble.

He was right, I haven't accepted the darkside. I didn't know if I wanted to.

"Its going to turn me into some kind of monster. I don't want to be a monster Kylo"

I watched his face turn hard.

"What did I tell you to call me?"

I rolled my eyes at him, and stood up.

"Yeah cause that's whats important, your title. Lets try this again."

I walked over to the trooper we were using as my practice dummy. I cracked my knuckles, and stretched my arms out in front of me.

"Ok, I got this." I told myself, ignoring the scoff coming from Kylo.

"You will stand up and put your hands on your head."

The trooper sat there unmoving, easily ignoring my command. Kylo's laughter entered my head, he was goading me. I bit back a retort, and tried again.

"You WILL stand up and..."

I stopped for a minute, my thoughts were headed in a dangerous direction.

"...punch Kylo Ren"

I was shocked when the trooper quickly stood and made to punch Kylo. I squealed, jumping back. Oh, that was seriously stupid. The trooper only nearly missed, as Kylo dodged his sudden attack.

"What the hell Elara."

I side stepped away from Kylo, and towards the door.

"Sorry, that was stupid. You were making me angry, it just sorta happened"

I was ready to bolt at any minute.

"Leave us!" Kylo said, addressing the dazed trooper.

I watched in despair as my only available witness left the room.

"What were you thinking? I've told you to never use the Force against me. This will not go unpunished."

I scrunched up my face in fear. I didn't know what he was planning, but I knew it couldn't be good.

"Follow me." He said.

I walked behind him, as he led me to what felt like my doom. I avoided the gaze of those around me. I could feel their eyes follow me some in sympathy, and others in glee. Anyone could sense anger coming from Kylo, you didn't need the Force. How could I have been so irrational. I knew something like that would anger him. I just had trouble remembering the consequence when I was around him. I'm always lulled into this false sense of security. We stopped in front of a large set of doors. The words training center were displayed above them.

"I thought we were in the training center?" I questioned.

I looked over at him in confusion.

"That was my private training room. This is for everyone else."

I glared at him, I could hear the goading tone return as he said "Everyone else." It made me feel like a nobody. I followed him inside like a child. I hated feeling this way.

"Captain Phasma."

My head shot up at her name. What was he thinking. I could feel cold fear slide down my spine. I blocked the unwelcome memories that were trying to break free.

"Ah Ren, what do we have here."

I avoided her masked gaze.

"As you well know, this is my apprentice. I want you to take over her training for a few days. Until she learns respect. Let her join your troopers."

I looked up at Kylo shocked. What the hell? He was seriously passing me off to the women who tortured me?

"Oh, I think we can do that."

Phasma leaned into me. "We are gonna have fun."

I leaned away from her in disgust.

"She is to be uninjured, but I want her treated as if she were a trooper."

Phasma nodded at Kylo, then turned to me.

"Lets go." Phasma told me.

I gave Kylo one last look, sending him vibes of my anger, then followed Phasma. She led me to several large groups of troopers who were all lined up in an orderly fashion.

"Get in line!" Phasma's voice was clear, full of dominance.

I stood next to the trooper closest to me. I stared straight ahead. If it got me out of this situation I would, and could be obedient. Plus, this would be great for gathering entail.

"Listen up troopers. We have a new member, EL- 5155 step forward."

I looked from side to side confused. Was she talking about me? Phasma stood in front of me.

"My troopers have no names, and now neither do you. Step. Forward."

I kept my face blank and took a plaintive step forward.

"This is EL-5155, she is to be treated no differently then you treat each other. She will be in group four. Group four, teach her the ropes."

With that Phasma exited the room. A small group of troopers approached me.

"EL-5155, Ill be your group leader." The trooper in front reached his hand out to me. "I'm LN-4267."

I shook his hand.

"What ropes are you suppose to show me exactly."

I was curious at what Phasma expected me to do.

"We are in charge of gathering entail on any planet we are sent to. We look for anyone who may be a resistance sympathizer."

I suddenly became very excited.

"We get to leave this ship?" LN nodded at me.

"We actually have a mission we will be leaving for soon. I assume you know how to use a blaster?"

I laughed at him.

"Of course. I cant believe I get to leave!"

I was literally jumping for joy. I cant believe Phasma placed me on a team that was leaving the ship. Actually I couldn't believe Kylo was allowing this. I could escape! Suddenly my enthusiasm plummeted. Why did I feel sad at the thought of actually leaving?

"Lets get you into a uniform. You cant go like this, its against the rules."

I followed LN to a changing room where he found me a stormtrooper uniform.

"Go change, and meet me at the hanger."

I gave him a thumbs up and slipped into the room to change. He was lucky I had became better acquainted with the ship. Kylo had given me the grand tour this morning, now it was easier to find whatever I needed. I was surprised when he showed me that the hallways were actually numbered. Once I knew where to look I could use the map attached to every adjacent hallway. It had showed me I needed to pay better attention to my surroundings. I still couldn't believe I had never noticed the maps before. I put on the final piece of my uniform and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't know what to think seeing myself like this. It made me feel like a real member of The First Order. Oddly that thought didn't repulse me as it had before. A memory from ages ago flashed before my eyes.

 ** _"Where are the others?" I asked him._**

" ** _You_** **_mean the murderers traitors and theives, you call friends?" Kylo answered_**.

 ** _Your opinion of them matters not. After all, we think the same of your lot. It's a matter of perception." I said._**

I shook my head clearing my thoughts. I left the changing room still hearing my voice in my head.

" ** _It's a matter of perception."_**

Maybe, I was viewing the First Order in a negative light because that's how I was told to view them. The more I thought about it the more I realized I actually knew only what I was told. Yes Hux and Phasma were horrible people, but did that mean the entire Order was bad? I guess I just needed to figure out what the Order was for myself. I found my way to the hanger with ease. I hadn't put on my helmet yet, I was working my way up to it. My claustrophobia was setting in just at the thought of being confined in a helmet. LN and the others stood waiting for me on the ramp of a small ship that reminded me of a butterfly.

"You ready to go?"

I stepped onto the ramp.

"I was born ready." I joked.

The group of troopers took seats inside the ship as I felt a familiar presence. I looked up at the window above the hanger. Kylo and Hux stood staring at us from the command deck. I gave them a wave.

 _"What are you doing Elara?"_

I could hear his voice in my head.

" _I have no name, it's EL-5155 now. Isn't this what you wanted. I'm a trooper._ I told him through my thoughts.

As I took my seat I could feel him enter my mind.

" _You are not to leave this ship!"_

I blocked him and buckled my harness. He wasn't my Master right now. HE should have specified what I was supposed to do as a trooper. The ship began to jerk into the air. I patted my knees in anticipation.

" _Elara, answer me!"_ Kylo's voice made its way into my head again.

" _Listen Kylo, I'm preparing for my mission. Your distracting me._ " I could sense his irritation.

" _You were not supposed to be put in a group leaving the ship. Your not ready for a mission of any kind. Don't do anything stupid."_

I ignored him and listened to the excited chatter of the other troopers. Apparently we were going to a planet with great liquor. Whatever that was.

" _Please don't run. I will find you."_

I closed my eyes, and used the Force to block my mind. I didn't feel like listening to him anymore. I hadn't really decided what I was going to do yet.

"LN, where are we going?"

LN looked over at me and pointed to my helmet. I got the message, and reluctantly placed it on my head.

"We are going to Jakku, we received information that stated a few high up resistance members are there."

I felt my stomach drop. What if it was Rey? Could I fight her? Before, my answer would have been a hard no, but something inside of me has changed. Now I'm torn, I don't know which faction I trust. Maybe I could get Rey to come with me? I felt my mouth fall open. Was I trying to get Rey to join the darkside? Had I joined the darkside? As usual I was full of questions, that I didn't know how to answer. One of which was, when did my life become so stressful? I felt a jolt as we went into lightspeed. Ten minutes later we exited, and the other troopers checked their blasters in preparation for landing. I mirrored them and looked over my own. I snuffed a smile that tried to break free at the thought of Han. It was with him I'd used a blaster for the first time. We started to nose dive towards Jakku. I had to admit I was excited. I took deep breaths as my ears popped during our descent. I felt a slight jolt as we landed, I followed as the others started to unfasten their harness. The ramp lowered, and the troopers stood in a straight line, I stepped behind the one at the very end. I focused on my breathing as we stepped out into the sunlight. I wanted nothing more then to take my helmet off and let the sun soak into my skin, but I had a duty to fulfill now. I mentally laughed at how much I sounded like a real stormtrooper. I followed behind the rest of the group, slowly looking around me. So this was Rey's home planet. The sand blew all around us, and I was suddenly grateful for the uniform I was required to wear.

"EL-5155 is to stay with me. The rest of you, spread out. Radio with any information, remember take extreme caution."

I stood next to LN, the others did as instructed and spread out. The villagers all avoided us as we walked through the crowd. I kept my eyes open for anyone I recognized. I didn't know what Id do if I did, but I thought it best to try and stay alert. LN led us to a vendor who was selling jugs of strong smelling liquid.

"We are here on the behalf of The First Order. We are looking for members of the resistance faction. Have you seen anyone filling that description?" LN's voice was full of authority.

The alien looked up at LN, and started speaking in a different dialect. I was completely lost, but LN nodded like he understood. LN started talking to him in his native tongue. After, the alien gave him an answer. We bid him farewell, and LN walked away gesturing for me to follow.

"How did you know what he was saying?" I was still flabbergasted.

"I'm the leader of this group for a reason. I am fluent in several alien dialects." He laughed.

I smiled at him even though he couldn't see it.

"I must say, I'm impressed." I said truthfully.

"As you should be. It was super difficult to perfect."

I openly laughed, it sounded strange to my ears. Id almost forgotten about the mask.

"LN, we have a visual on possible resistance member." The voice came through the radio in our masks.

"Whats your location?" LN answered.

"Five minutes north of the village."

I nodded heading that way. LN and I found the other troopers exactly where the said they would be. We were hidden behind a small building watching a man making repairs on an X-Wing ship.

"We were told this man is a part of the resistance. Supposedly he is their best pilot, and a Commander."

I looked at the man, even from this distance I could tell he was handsome.

"Its your call LN." I told him.

LN gathered the others into a huddle.

"Listen we need to apprehend him without injury. We need information, if he is a commander then he could know the whereabouts of Luke Skywalker."

I cringed when they mentioned Luke. I knew by now Rey was with him. I looked back at the man who was standing under his ship. I didn't want to watch him get hurt, I knew if we all marched out there he would fight.

"I've got this. I can do it without blood shed." I whispered.

They all stopped to look at me, as I started removing my armour.

"Are you sure EL? This could be extremely dangerous." LN asked.

I nodded, lying my armour at his feet. I fixed my hair, and clothes. I needed to get close enough to use the Force to subdue him. I walked away from the group of troopers and headed towards the pilot. As I neared him I could see how young he was. He was the same age as Rey and myself. I felt a pang of guilt flitter through my stomach. This would be the deciding moment. Would I run with him or would I capture him for The First Order. Would I betray Kylo or Rey? That was the hardest question.

"Excuse me. Are you with the resistance?"

The man dropped the tool he was using and bent his head down so he could look at me. I bent down so I could see him. He was partially obscured by the plan, and I realized I was weaponless. If he tried anything I really hoped I could use the Force it in time.

"Why do you wanna know? You got a name?"

I stepped closer to the plane and smiled at him.

"You'll have to excuse me, I've only just escaped the First Order. My name is Elara."

I could see reignition cross his face, they must be looking for me.

"Elara, Rey's Elara?"

His question, gripped my heart.

 ** _Rey's Elara..._**

"Yes, I'm a friend of Rey's. Can you help me?"

The man stepped out from under the plane.

"I'm Poe, I can get you to the resistance."

This was it, I could tell him about the troopers, and we could run together. Or I could capture him. I didn't know why this decision was so difficult. I had been tortured at the hands of The First Order, but I knew now that they weren't all bad. Aiden, LN and his fellow troopers. They were kind to me. Then there was Kylo, yes his mood swings were something awful, but he had been there for me. When the Ben in him came out it was worth all the bad that came with the Order. When I thought of Rey though, I thought of home. She was my best friend my family, but would she be able to tell I wasn't the same Elara as I was before. I couldn't lie, the dark had touched me. Things weren't as black and white anymore.

"Thank you Poe."

I looked at the X-Wing Poe, my eyes darted between it and the building hiding the troopers.

"Poe, there's something I need to tell you..."


	12. Chapter Twelve

**_*This is a smaller chapter. Ill make up for it in the next one. I was just laking motivation. We have a small winter storm hitting us, so my five year old is outta school and driving me nuts lol. I hope this chapter isnt too boring. As always please let me know what you think.*_**

Poe looked at me in surprise. "So your telling me you have never flown in an X-Wing before?"

I smiled at him in acknowledgment.

I was standing in front of Poe with my hands behind my back. I signaled the troopers to stay put as I laughed at something Poe had said.

"Well, I can teach you everything I know once we get to the base."

I was about to knock him out using the Force when I heard the sound of blaster fire behind us. What the hell? Poe grabbed my wrist swinging me behind him. I tried to move but he kept his hand firmly attached to my wrist.

"Don't move." He said, looking at me.

The troopers started coming out of their hiding spot to shoot at several resistance fighters.

"Your not alone?" I gasped.

The shock in my voice was evident.

"No of course not."

I fought with his grip as he smiled at me. "Don't be afraid, I wont let them hurt you."

Poe grabbed a blaster from his waist, and began firing at the troopers.

"NO stop Poe please, your gonna kill them."

Poe looked at me in surprise. "Why do you care? They're our enemies nothing more."

I snatched my wrist away from him. If this was the way a hero of the resistance spoke then I didn't want to be one. I lifted my hand prepared to use the Force when a stray blast hit me. I could feel pain shoot through my side. I looked down to see a small hole, blood was running down onto the sand below me. How could we have been so stupid, thinking he was alone.

Poe ripped a piece of his shirt. "Use this to apply pressure to your wound."

He handed me the piece of his shirt, and I tried to stop the bleeding. I was starting to feel woozy. I couldn't concentrate enough to use the Force to help anyone, let alone myself. I felt Poe lift me into his arms and throw me into the backseat of the X-Wing. I tried to lift myself out with no success.

"He's trying to take EL! Stop him!" I recognized the voice of LN.

They were trying to help me. I saw Poe outside the ship firing on the advancing troopers. I screamed as his blast went right through the chest of one of them. I couldn't tell who it was. A loud sound came form the sky above us. Ships were approaching as Poe got in the front seat. The troopers must have called the Order for back up.

"You ok back there? Ill get us out of here."

I barley registered his voice as I went in and out of consciousness.

I felt us lift into the sky.

He was kidnapping me!

I clawed at his neck. "Stop Poe stop. You don't understand."

He grabbed my hands and pushed me back into my seat. "Sit still, everything is ok. They will not be able to catch us."

I wanted to scream at him, but my stomach was jolting. I was being pressed into my seat as we entered space.

Kylo, help me!

I didn't want to join the resistance, I just wanted to go home. I didn't have time to evaluate the odd change in the way I felt about the Order. Poe was typing in a set of coordinates. I looked out the window at Jakku. I hoped LN was safe, I didn't want to think about whomever Poe had shot. Id only known LN, and the troopers for a few hours, but that was enough to see they were good people.

"Ready Ellie?" I rolled my eyes, he must have gotten that nickname from Finn.

"I need you to take me back to Jakku. You do not understand what your doing. He will come for me. Take me to your base and you're risking everyone's safety." I yelled.

Poe turned his head slightly. "Your suffering from fear, and blood loss. I promise you and everyone else will be safe on base."

I gave Jakku one last look before he went into lightspeed.

I tried to access Kylo's mind but couldn't, I was too weak.

I had only closed my eyes for what felt like a moment. I could feel Poe shaking me.

"Elara open you eyes! Please look at me!"

I wanted to open my eyes, but they were so heavy.

"How long has she been unconscious?" I didn't recognize that voice, It was a women's.

Where was I?

"I'm not sure General maybe fifteen minutes?" Poe answered shakily.

The sounds of several voices filled the air. I was lifted onto something soft. I could hear everything around me, but I couldn't respond to anything they said. I was trapped in my own body.

"She has lost a lot of blood General. If I cant stop the bleeding we are gonna lose her." An unknown man spoke to the General.

"Then do it!' I

recognized that voice. It was Rey!

The bed I was on rattled as they started to move me. I could feel myself being pushed through a set of doors, and a light was lit above me. I could see it through my eyelids. I was trying to stay conscious. I wanted to be able to know what was going on, but I felt myself getting weaker. I knew deep down I was fading fast. I had so many things I wanted to do, I couldn't be done yet. The last thing I could feel was a tugging at my shirt. It was being torn apart.

"Damn I liked that shirt." I thought as the sound began to fade.

I was falling, the air around me felt thick. It was like I was being pushed through a body of water. A small light awaited below me. It was beautiful, I could feel a strong warmth coming from it. Like a blanket wrapping around you when your cold. It was welcoming. I wanted to reach out for it, but something was stopping me. A strong presence calling out to me from above, asking me to stay. I looked above me into the darkness, I couldn't see anyone. I turned to the light, it would be so easy to go to it. To become one with it's welcoming warmth. I knew whatever awaited me there was wonderful, I would be happy. I didn't know if I could fight anymore. What was I even fighting for? I tried to remember to grasp onto anything from before, but it was all gone. Suddenly a small image appeared before my eyes. It was blurry, I couldn't make out what it was supposed to be. After a few moments the picture became clear. I saw Kylo in his room. He was pacing, running his fingers through his hair. I wanted to look away as he fell to his knees.

"I can feel you fading, please don't leave me. Your the only light in my darkness." He cried out.

I closed my eyes at the sound of his voice. The image changed, It was Ben smiling. I reached out to him, his smile was still the most beautiful thing in the world. It was then that I realized the light below me would never be able to make me happy, because it was missing one thing.

Ben Solo.

I pushed myself away from the light. I wouldn't give up yet. I moved my hands around me, trying to find the surface of whatever this was. I could hear voices again, I followed them.

"Come on Elara, stay with us!"

I kept digging my way upwards. I could see light again. A beeping sound rang through the darkness, and I could feel my body. My eyes fluttered open. I was in a bright medical room. Four people surrounded me, they were in white uniforms splattered with red.

"We've got her! Alert the General." The surgeon spoke to one of the nurses.

I turned my head watching her go.

"Your going to be ok now. Just sleep." The man spoke to me.

"Give her a sedative." He looked to the man beside him. I saw him grab a syringe and inject it into my IV. I was so tired. I looked at the people above me one more time before I fell into blissful darkness.

"Hey! Leave her alone Finn. Stop poking her." I could hear Rey hollering.

"Well, she's been out for two days. I want to make sure she is ok." Finn spoke.

I moved my arm in his direction and swatted. I felt him fall off the side of the bed. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face.

"Hey, uncalled for!"

I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see Han, Rey and Finn all staring at me. My last few memories sped across my memory. I tried to sit up, I gasped in pain. I looked down at the large white bandage that was wrapped around my waist.

"Yeah don't move, you'll bust the stitches. They should be able to be removed in a few days." Rey said, coming to my side.

She helped me slowly lift myself up.

"Does the First Order know I'm here?" I spat out my first question without hesitation.

"Your safe from them Ellie." Finn looked at me in pity.

I didn't need his pity. "I'm not worried about myself. I'm worried about you guys, I need to leave."

Han stepped forward a look of annoyance on his face. "What are you talking about? Do you want to be taken back to them?"

I looked at each of them individually before I spoke.

"Yes. I need to get back to the Order. I cant save him from here." My voice was low and nervous.

I was afraid of their reaction.

"Save who?" Han spoke first, Rey and Finn were looking at each other.

"Ben, Han I have to save him. I was so close." I was lying a bit, and I knew that.

I also knew playing on Han's weakness for his son would get me home quicker and easier. Han's face was white. I hated myself, but I would do anything to get back to where I belonged.

"I'm sorry, but that's not going to happen." A voice came form the door beside me.

I turned my head to the unfamiliar voice, It was an older woman with her hair in a braid on top of her head. She was beautiful, she reminded me of a princess. Her arms were crossed in front of her, a stern look plastered on her face.

"I've sent a transmission to the First Order. According to them you are dead."

I felt my mouth fall open. "Why would you do that? You had no right, you have no idea what you've done!" My voice was thick with emotion.

Kylo is probably a mess, I'm the only friend he has.

"I'm sorry, I could not allow another Force sensitive person in the grasp of The First Order. Its to dangerous." Her voice was emotionless.

I looked to Han in fear and sadness.

His face was angry. "Leia, she could save him. You don't know their connection."

Leia? The name was familiar to me.

"Oh I don't?" She said sarcastically.

Leia looked to Rey who's face was ashamed.

"Rey?" I asked.

"Rey told me of your Force connection with Kylo Ren. So I've taken precautions. I've blocked your Force signature. You will not be able to reach him, and will not be able to feel you at all."

I felt smoldering betrayal, Rey had sold me out.

"It was for your own good El." I ignored her plea.

All I could think of was Ben. He thinks I'm dead.

"Get some rest. You'll be joining the crew as soon as your healed." Leia said leaving.

I looked at my hands, they were shaking.

"Elara, I'm so sorry; after Poe told me how you reacted at leaving I knew you needed help. I can sense it, you've been touched by darkness." Rey's voice was small.

I looked into her eyes. "Yes I have, and I came out fine Rey. I haven't turned. I'm not apart of the light or dark, the only side I'm on is Ben's. Or Kylo Ren as you know him"

Her gaze turned fearful.

"He is my friend Rey. He needs me, I can save him." I told her.

Han stepped closer to my bed. "Are you sure you can save him?"

I could sense the hope rolling off of him.

"I will do whatever it takes Han." I was being completely honest.

I would do whatever needed to be done to help Ben. He was alone, I knew now that he was my part in this war. I was meant to help him. I didn't know what all that entailed, but I would do whatever I could.

"I'm sorry El, but this is where you belong, you'll see that once this darkness leaves you." Rey took Finn's hand and left.

I looked at the door in sadness. I loved Rey, but she was wrong about this. Her mind was clouded by righteousness. She was taught to believe there was only one way to think. The light side of the Force is the only one she will ever understand. I wish I could show her that things aren't always so black and white. Both sides have darkness just like people, no one is ever inherently good or evil. Han sat down next to me.

"I'll get you outta here. You just need to make them believe you've changed your mind. I have a plan." The idea of a new plan had a grin breaking across his face.

"You know, you and your son are very similar. I can see where he gets his mischievous behavior." I laughed.

Han stood up and gave me a bright cocky smile. "That's us Solo boys. Its in our blood."

I held my side as I laughed painfully. "Yes it is. You Solo's will be the death of me."

Han gave my chin a light punch with his knuckles. "Get some rest kiddo. I'm gonna start planning your break out."

I nodded as he walked out the door. I laid my head back. Even though I knew it was impossible I tried to reach Kylo.

"Please hold on" I spoke into thin air.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**_*Please, do not kill me. This is the smallest chapter yet, basically a filler. I just felt like we needed to see a bit of how Kylo was dealing with everything. I know I said I would make the next chapter longer, but I woke up with this small vision in my head. I am already working on the next chapter and I swear to Kylo it will be longer ;)_**

 ** _* Possible Trigger Warning, Dark Chapter ahead! *_** *

A man in black stood shivering, several bodies scattered around him. The red saber in his hand flickered dangerously. His anger was finally dissipating, as if the souls of those around him had filled the empty void inside. The woman in silver laid at his feet, she had been the last to die. He remembered her frightened words, she had pleaded for her life. She should have known he would show her no mercy once she revealed her secret. She had sent the girl on the mission hoping she would be killed or captured. She had hated her out of jealousy. The man was unsurprised when the woman had told him of her feelings. He'd seen her thoughts before, she was stupid to believe he could ever love her. Love was a weakness, he would not suffer weakness. He had shown the woman no mercy, she had taken something from him. The only light he had left had been snuffed out by her, and the pathetic resistance. He knew some blame was his to take as well, but it was easier to blame others. His own mother had sent them news of their prisoners death. She had died of blood loss. He could still see her face when he closed his eyes. He had never had any real friends before, just her. He would never forget the moment their connection had been severed. It was like his soul had been torn in half. She took with her every good part of him. He was a shell of a man now. Her blue eyes flashed before his, they were full of disappointment and pity. He ignored the fact that she wouldn't approve of his actions. He turned away from the carnage he had created. His saber died on command. The man left the blood spattered room behind him. He walked through the halls, he had no destination in mind. Right now it was full of memories of the girl. He couldn't bring himself to say her name. It would only make it all the more real. The Supreme Leader had told him her loss would bring him closer to the darkside, as if that made everything better. The girl was still gone, he would never again see her face, or hear her laugh. The man stood in front of a door staring at his feet. He wasn't sure what brought him here. He wanted to be here knowing she was only just beyond the door waiting for him. It wasn't true though, her body lay cold somewhere within the resistance. He reminded himself they would pay, he would watch each and every one of them burn. He used the keypad to enter the lock code to her room. The yellow color of her walls filled his vision. He imagined her standing before him, red hair matching her face as she blushed at something he had said. It almost brought a smile to his cold features, almost. He sat down on her bed and placed his head in his hands. He imagined her sitting next to him, her pale face inches from his. Her hand in his hair. The man felt like he was losing his sanity. He could still smell her around him, she had always smelled of sunflowers. Everything about her was full of light, even when the darkness had finally touched her it never truly claimed her. She had easily held both inside of her, something he had been amazed by. He only wished he could ask her how she had done it. The hologram beside her bed started beeping. The man stood intrigued. He activated it, assuming he'd see the live feed of the forest the girl had grown up in. Instead an image of the girl appeared before him. Her red hair in a tight braid, bottom lip held back by her teeth.

"Okay Elara, you need to remember a few points for today's training exercise." She stepped back revealing a pink night gown.

He felt tears prick his eyes, but he refused to allow them to fall. He listened as the girl reminded herself of the points he had kept beating into her head during their last session. Once she was done he watched her wave at herself, ending the message. He replayed it dying to hear her voice again. When it ended for the second time he placed it in the pocket of his robes. He took one last glimpse of the girls room. He wouldn't be coming back here. When he had committed it to memory he exited her room for the last time.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**_*Hey guys, sorry it took so long. Im still lacking proper motivation so it took me a bit. Please forgive this chapter it isnt my best work. I hope you can still enjoy it. As always please let me know what you think*_**

"Ok, I think your ready to join the others. I removed your stitches and everything looks great." The Dr took a step back and allowed me to stand.

I still felt stiff, but was relieved to be healed enough to leave the Infirmary. It had already been three days. I was going insane.

"Your a very lucky woman ya know. That wound should have killed you."

I nodded at the him, not needing the same

"You have a guardian angel" speech.

The exhausted Dr took his leave and a familiar face took his place.

"Poe Dameron. Well isn't this a surprise. Here to kidnap me again?" I tried to add humor to my voice but failed miserably.

I was still angry at him. His face showed remorse, and it caused a flicker of pity to run through me.

"Yeah, I really am sorry. In my defense I was under the impression you were a damsel in distress. Those are a weakness of mine."

He put his hands in the pocket of his jeans and stepped towards me. I crossed my arms and raised a brow at him.

"Well, if your really sorry you can make it up to me."

His eyes widened in suspicion. "What do you have in mind?"

I couldn't help but feel amused by the slight look of fear that crossed his face. What had people been saying about me?

"I want your soul."

His face turned to one of shock and horror. I kept mine straight until he started stepping towards the door. I slowly started laughing uncontrollably; Poe's face went from scared to embarrassed.

"Come on, like Id ever ask you for your soul. I'm not evil or crazy." I said, in between giggles.

"That was a lame joke. I'm sure your better then that." He said slightly annoyed.

I controlled my laughter just as his broke out.

"I am better then that, but I'm hungry and that's blocking my creative flow."

Poe grabbed my hand and led me out the door. "I can help with that."

I removed my hand from his and followed him. I looked around me in amazement, I didn't know what I had been expecting, but this wasn't it. The base was bright and bustling with life. Several people passed us dressed in every color imaginable. They all smiled at us as we passed. Everyone seemed so nice and accepting. I guess people weren't talking about me. I was relived by that thought until a mother and her child passed me. The women quickly bent down and lifted her child into her arms. She eyed me with hatred and fear. I waved, fighting hate with kindness. She turned her head and bolted in the opposite direction. Poe looked at me in pity.

"What do they think I am Poe?" I stopped walking and stared him down.

"Allot of people believe you are a Sith. They have been petitioning Leia to have you jailed." He answered.

I openly scoffed, I couldn't believe this nonsense. Yeah I was in training, but they didn't know that. I wasn't an evil person just because I came from a place where some evil dwelled.

"You all do know that not every member of the First Order is evil right?" I kept my face stern.

Poe took a step back clearly shocked by my outburst.

"How can you say that? They blew up a planet!" Poe yelled, unafraid of offending me.

"Yes some of the Order should be removed from power. People like Snoke and Hux, but not everyone there is evil. Some don't believe in the methods being used. But fear is a powerful motivator." I told him, keeping my voice even.

"So you expect us to what? Try and get them to elect new leaders?" Poe laughed.

I frowned at him in annoyance. "No of course not, we need people who we can trust to end only those lives that need ended. Then we can maybe come to some agreement, one that doesn't end in more bloodshed." I countered.

Poe shook his head at me. "Your living in a fantasy. This war will not end until the entire Order is gone. I'm sorry but that's life."

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "No its not, your just to hell bent on your way being the only one. Has anyone ever tried to join both the light and the dark together? Maybe then we can actually find peace." My voice was firm.

Poe's face fell the slightest bit.

"I just choose to believe that there is hope for both sides to find peace. I do not deny that the Order has several members that need dealt with, I had already planned on handling them myself as some point." I told him.

Poe looked at me in confusion. "Your an odd one. I'm all for finding peace, but I don't know if that could ever come to pass."

I smiled at him, at least he is open to another view. I could only hope I would find others like him.

"You acknowledging there could be another way is enough for now." I pushed him forward rubbing my stomach theatrically.

He got the message and led me to their cafeteria. I grabbed myself some soup and chose a seat beside Poe. He really wasn't as bad as Id initially thought.

"So could you take me to Han once were done?" I asked.

I wanted to know if he had planned my escape yet.

"Actually, I'm supposed to keep you away from Han. Leia seems to believe you two are planning something."

I kept my features surprised.

"What? Han is a friend who understands what I want. That is all, we are planning nothing." I said innocently.

Poe gave me a knowing smile. "Okay, but if we get caught I'm placing all the blame on you Red."

I rolled my eyes at the new nickname. "Come on. Red, really? Your better then that!" I laughed.

Poe shrugged his shoulders and removed our empty trays from the table.

"Lets go. Han will be at the Falcon."

I nodded, of course he would be. I walked beside Poe memorizing the layout. You never know when knowledge of your surroundings will come in handy. We came to a large hanger full of resistance pilots and their planes.

"Wow this is incredible." I said, astonished.

Poe smiled at me, he grabbed my hand and led me through the fray. I once again moved my hand from his. He was a very touchy person and it made me uncomfortable for some reason. We came to the back of the hanger before I finally saw the Falcon. I jumped up and waved at Han. I never thought Id be so happy to see that beat up ship.

"Han, Chewie! You beautiful creatures you!" I slammed into Han hugging him.

"Please tell me you have a plan." I whispered in his ear.

He pulled away from me and winked. I could sense something was off with him. Even if he was trying to act like everything was normal.

"Course I do sweetheart."

I gave him my biggest smile. Poe stood in front of us.

"So I got you here. What are you planning?" Poe asked.

Han looked at me, waiting to see my reaction. Just by looking at Poe I knew he wouldn't fall for any tricks. I could tell he had been in a similar situation before. He must get himself into trouble as much as I do.

"Poe, I'm leaving. This isn't were I belong. I have things I need to do."

He looked between me and Han. I could tell he wasn't at all surprised. I just hoped I could trust him.

"Does this have anything to do with what we discussed earlier?"

I didn't want to lie to him, but something told me to keep my answer simple. Poe wasn't ready to understand anything more.

"Yes, I cant help anyone stuck here." I told him.

"So you want Han's help to get back to the Order then?" He asked.

I nodded blushing. What I was asking could be considered as nothing short of insane.

"Ok, I wanna help. I'm not in the business of keeping innocent people captive." Poe smiled.

I gave him a grateful smile clapping my hands together. I was ready to get down to business.

"So Han, whats our game plan?" I questioned in a whisper.

Han motioned for us to follow him into the Falcon. He led us to the common room where a hologram map was displayed. "Han, whats this about." Poe questioned. Something in his expression had me worried.

"These are the plans Leia has set out for the Starkiller Base. She is planning on using everything she's got to destroy the Orders weapon." Han told me.

I could see none of this was new to anyone besides myself.

"She is planning on destroying the oscillator, which could cause the planets core to erupt. Its a dangerous plan, but if we do not do it the Order has set this planet as its next target."

I could feel my face whiten, this was insanity. Nothing with this much destructive power should be in the hands of either side.

"Ok, so what exactly do you need me to do?" I was glad my voice sounded braver then I actually felt.

I had only expected a break out. This was battle, and if we failed a whole planet and every member of the resistance would be destroyed.

"The plan is Poe and the other fighter pilots will be firing on the oscillator, but in order for them to stand a chance we have to disable the shields." Han said determined.

"Finn is leading a group of people into the base. That team will disable the shields and then escape before everything goes to hell." Poe said, looking at me.

I sensed he had known nothing about what Han was planning. I could also tell he had figured it out now, and he liked the new plan.

"They need enough time to get in there without getting caught. Kylo will surly sense them, and be hot on their tails, unless..." Han's sentence trailed off.

I could tell both Han and Poe were trying to avoid straight out asking me to be apart of the team.

"You want me to distract Kylo Ren. You want me to betray him." I asked, finally catching on.

"Han, this whole time you were using my need to get home for this?" I was shocked, not only had I been betrayed by Rey but Han as well.

I knew this was important, but I was sick of all the betrayal. Had they just asked me I would have helped, but not like this.

"Elara I want to get you back to Ben, but we need your help with this. I wasn't planning this until I found out what the Order had planned for us." Han answered.

I turned away from them, I couldn't do this to Ben. He would never forgive me.

"You realize what this will mean. I will lose everything." My voice broke off.

Poe placed his hand on my shoulder. "We need your help, we will lose much more if this doesn't go well."

I was so tired of this war.

"Does Leia know you want me to help?" I asked.

Han shook his head. "No, we plan to sneak you onto the Falcon as we leave. Rey and Finn will just have to understand."

So Rey and Finn were on the away team. Great, it will give Ben even more reason to hate me. It will look like I ran away, faked my death, and became a part of everything he hates.

"Well it looks like you all got what you wanted. I will help you destroy everything, including my friendship Kylo Ren." I walked away from them, and out to the hanger.

I would never be able to go home now. There will be nothing to go home too. Kylo will destroy everything I love just to enact his revenge. Han stepped out of the Falcon and stood by my side.

"We will be leaving in an hour. Be here then. Chewie will help you hide."

I refused to answer him. I just stood in silence. Han and Poe both left to prepare. I couldn't move I just stood in the same place they had left me. I watched everyone saying their goodbyes to those they loved. I would never have that. At the rate my life was going Id be dead before the end of the war. Making a true enemy of Kylo Ren was completely mental. I hated the fact that I couldn't be evil, and just let the Order kill these people. After all they had betrayed me, but just as I had told Poe I am not evil. As I watched the people around me I realized just like with the Order, some of these people were kind and did not deserve to die. I could give up my happiness for theirs, as Maz had predicted I would need strength to get through my part in all this. These people needed help, and it was may duty as a fellow human being to help them. Maybe I could make Kylo see sense. He couldn't be so lost as to want to kill his own mother could he? I placed my hand on my head, I had a feeling this wouldn't end well for Ren. It was the same kind of feeling the Force gives me as a warning. I would protect Ben, even if he hated me. I lifted my head at a familiar growl. Chewie stood in front of me, he looked sad and nervous. Maybe not everyone liked the idea of me betraying Ben.

"Where am I supposed to hide Chewie?" I begrudgingly asked.

He tilted his head walking into the Falcon. He took me to a panel in the floor and lifted it up. He nudged me, and I climbed down. Chewie held up is paws telling me to stay put.

"What else can I do? Don't worry, I'm super excited to betray Ben!" I lashed out.

Chewie gave me a sad growl as he closed me in. I felt bad taking out my anger on him. After all, he looked about as happy as I felt. I sat down against the grating behind me. It wouldn't be long before we took off. I tried to remind myself that at least I would be getting out of here. I would make sure if I became an enemy of the First Order I wouldn't become a member of the resistance. I would find some place else to go. I have survived on basically nothing before. I could handle being on the run. I'd make sure no one would be able to find me, not the Order or the resistance. I heard voices above me. I held my head between my legs. This was it. I was going to the Order, and I was betraying them. I was betraying Ben. I wiped the tears from my face. No. I was saving innocent lives, that was what I needed to focus on. I pictured the resistance members saying goodbye to their loved ones. I saw the children that would lose their lives if the Order set off their weapon. They were the people that I was going to save. That thought gave me new strength, this wasn't about me. I was being selfish, this was about doing what was right. I felt the Falcon lift off the ground. I dug deep and filled my thoughts with what needed to be done. I was strong, I could do this. The ship entered lightspeed, and I was thrown to the side. I ignored the ache in my side as a commotion started above me.

"Han, how could you! She will betray us for him and you know that." Rey's voice was angry.

Her words sent a sharp sting through me. I wasn't about to let her speak of me that way. I had never once betrayed her. Just because I befriended someone she didn't approve of she thought she had the right to claim I would betray them. I was giving up everything for her people. She should be grateful! I climbed out with determination. I stood facing Rey, we both looked at each other with anger. It was like our years spent together meant nothing. I ignored the pang of sadness I felt.

"I will do what I need to. I will not let innocent people die." I told her.

Han and Finn stood beside Rey as if she needed protection from me. I understood now that they would always perceive me as a threat. I was Kylo Ren's pet in their eyes. I could hear it in Finn's thoughts. He thought I had been seduced by not only the darkside but Ren as well. It was a bit comical to me. They understood nothing, it was almost sad how one sided their thoughts were.

"I am no ones pet. You don't need to worry about me. I will protect your resistance, no matter what it costs me." I said looking at Finn.

"Get me inside and I will find Ben. He should sense me the further from Leia we get." I told them.

I didn't know for sure it that was true, but it felt right. The Force was telling me the further away from Leia's block we got the better. I walked past the small group in front of me. It was almost as if they were strangers. I had lost so much in such a short amount of time. I hated it, I felt their loss deep within me. I missed Rey, I missed having someone I felt I could always depend on. We had both changed too much, its crazy how much a relationship can change when you no longer share the same ideals. I found myself in the cockpit with Chewie. He patted the seat beside him and I took it.

"Hey Chewie. You hate me too?" I gave him a half hearted laugh.

He shook his shaggy head and gave my arm a hard slap.

"Ow!" I rubbed my arm and laughed.

"Thank you Chewie." I placed my hands on the wheel and smiled, I'd always wanted to fly.

"I don't think that's a good idea kid. You'll kill us."

I turned my head to see Han.

"Sure. Your probably right." I kept my voice low.

I stood up and went to the chair behind his. I strapped myself in and ignored Hans gaze.

"Listen kid, I'm sorry I had to ask you to do this. Believe me there's nothing more important to me then my son, but I cant allow this to happen." Han pleaded.

I looked into his eyes and found nothing but truth. I let out a sigh, I couldn't be angry at him for trying to stop a massacre.

"I'm sorry Han, I do understand. I just don't want to lose him and that's exactly what this will cause. You know his anger."

I knew Han would understand easier then anyone. It was his son after all. Han took the seat beside me.

"Do you love my son Elara?"

His question surprised me. I stared at him in shock. Did I love his son? No one had ever asked me that before. I tried to tell him no, but something stopped me. Did I love Ben? Han's face brightened and I saw a glint in his eye. He gave me a sly wink as he stood up to join Chewie. I staid in my seat and stared straight ahead. Han's question still rattling around in my head. I almost missed it when Rey and Finn joined us.

"Are we there yet?" Finn asked.

I glared at him, almost forgetting how annoying he could be.

"We are actually." Han answered.

I leaned forward expectantly.

"So geniuses, how are we getting in?" I mocked.

"Their shields have a fractional refresh rate. Keeps anything traveling slower than lightspeed from getting through." Han answered.

Finn's face filled with dread. I tightened my straps shaking my head at Han.

"We're gonna make our landing approach at lightspeed?!" Finn cried.

I couldn't help but laugh at his frightened face. I knew this plan was crazy, but that's what made Han so brilliant.

"Alright, Chewie, get ready." Han said as he studied the panel in front of them.

Chewie's answering growl told us all that he was as ready as Han.

I looked down at the planet below and a familiar presence filled me. I could sense him again, it was like a part of me had been woken up. I felt complete. I wondered if he could feel it too.

"And Now!" Han yelled.

He and Chewie hit the switches on the panel at the same time. The ship jolted into lightspeed. I closed my eyes, I hated how entering lightspeed made my stomach queasy. The Falcon's environment shifted instantly from lightspeed to the planets atmosphere. The Falcon was suddenly flying a hundred feet above the snowy, rocky ground, we were headed to a thick forest for cover.

Chewie's loud growl echoed through the cockpit.

"I am pulling up!" Han yelled back at him!

The Falcon was going to crash land. I squeezed my harness in fear. The ship started plowing through the trees. Branches smacked the windshield as we plummeted towards the ground. Alarms began to blare as the ship headed back up above the treeline. Suddenly we hurtled through the trees as the Falcon slammed into the snow. I was grateful for the harness as we skidded across the ground. Finally after about a thousand feet we slammed into a large pile of snow. The front of the ship was almost completely submerged.

 ** _Kylo's POV_**

Kylo stood in front of a large window that displayed the weapon he was going to use to avenge Elara's death. He knew she would be angry if she knew what sacrifices he was willing to make in order to enact his revenge. He had thought of nothing else since he had been told of her death. He held nothing but hate now, no matter what he did nothing quenched it. He looked to Hux who was monitoring the weapons charge. It was almost time, he would be able to know everyone who had taken her from him would pay. His master would be satisfied, and he could finally move on. Once his revenge was satisfied he could forget her. His hand felt the small hologram he kept with him. It was all he had of the girl, he was ready for this pain to end. Missing her was constant torture. Even today it was like he could feel her again, but he knew that was impossible, so he ignored it.

"Report!" Hux spat.

Kylo turned to watch as the officer told Hux the weapon would be fully charged in fifteen minutes. Fifteen more minutes and this pain would be gone. He placed the hologram safely in his pocket. A familiar tug pulled at his mind. Kylo's anger spiked at the thought of his father. How dare he show up here. He knew what Snoke had demanded of him, and he tried to forget how torn the thought of it made him. He would kill his father and then his journey to the darkside would be complete.

"Han Solo." He whispered.

He sped out of the room following his fathers presence. Everything would end today

 ** _Elara's POV_**

We were walking through a large snow covered landscape. I had a small jacket Han had given me wrapped around myself. The resistance clothing I had on barely kept out the cold. I wasn't used to such harsh weather. My teeth chattered as the wind blew around us. A loud sound snapped me back into reality. In front of us walkers patrolled, we dodged behind a large structure to hide.

"The flooding tunnels are over that ridge. We'll get in that way." Finn whispered.

I was all for going inside my hands were turning blue.

"What was your job when you were based here?" Han asked.

I watched Chewie look through his bag full of explosives as Han and Finn argued.

"Listen, I know my way around here remember. I lived here for months." I interjected.

This wasn't the time for arguments. Chewie growled at Han in annoyance.

"Oh your cold?!" Han answered him.

I laughed at Chewie, he was such a furry wimp.

"Come on!" Finn hollered grabbing Rey's hand.

We followed them up a snowy hill, in the distance we could see a laser siphoning energy from the sun. It was a blatant reminder of how important this mission was. I grinded my teeth together. I was really going to kick Ben's ass for even considering this. What was he thinking!? After we, against my wishes, killed a trooper we were finally inside. Chewie took the lifeless trooper away, hiding his body. I had to keep reminding myself that this was war. I just hated wasting life like that.

"The longer we're here, less luck we're going to have. The shields?" Han asked Finn.

We all stared at him expectantly. His face was nervous and sweaty. Rey gave us a dirty look and squeezed Finn's hand.

"I have an idea about that." Finn answered.

They made to follow Finn but I staid put.

"What are you doing El?" Rey asked me, stopping the others.

"I can sense him, he knows Han is here. I need to find him. That's my job right?" I asked them.

Rey looked at me with suspicion on her face.

"Rey, this is why you brought me here, to distract him. Please trust me. Follow Finn save your resistance." I told her.

Her face lilted as she looked at me. I felt our friendship weaken. She obviously hadn't approved when I called it her resistance, but that's what it was. None of it was mine, this was where I belonged. I needed to destroy the parts of the Order that wanted nothing more then to rule with fear, and I needed to save Ben. This was where I could do all of that.

"I love you Rey, but this is where I belong. I can help win the war from here. I will stop all this needless death. Just trust me." I whispered to her.

"I love you too El, please don't turn into one of them." She cried.

I wrapped her in my arms and whispered a final goodbye.

I waved at the others and ran in the other direction. I could sense him, he was so consumed by darkness. I had never felt him this lost before. I tried to call out to him using the Force but he was blocking me. I was confused, he had never had a block like this against me. It was like he was trying to shut down our connection. I kept running toward Ben, getting more nervous the longer it took to find him. After what felt like hours I came across a colossal dark room. I could sense his presence, but his wasn't the only one. Han was with him. A sudden wave of foreboding overwhelmed me. I rushed inside hoping I wasn't to late to stop whatever I had just felt was coming. A large walkway spread out in front of me. On the other side stood a dark figure. I knew instantly who it was. I went to shout his name but the voice that called to him wasn't mine.

"Ben!" Han shouted.

I squinted through the darkness and finally found him. He was approaching Kylo from the opposite side of the catwalk. I knew something bad was going to come from this. Kylo was too shrouded in darkness. He wasn't thinking straight. I started slowly walking towards them. Kylo who had frozen at the sound of his fathers voice was turning to face him now. Neither man could see me yet I was still hidden in the darkness behind Han.

"Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time." Ben's voice echoed through the room.

A beam of light filtered through an opening above. I looked up to see Finn, Rey and Chewie watching the interaction between father and son. I kept walking forward trying to remember to breath. I had no clue what I could say to take away some of the darkness that was smothering Ben, but I had to try.

I could see Han about to say something, but this time it was my voice that spoke instead.

"Take off the mask Ben, you know how I hate it."

I stood stock still as my voice reached his ears. His entire body stiffened. I didn't know what to expect and neither did Han. I saw him step to the side so that I could move closer to Ben.

"What do you think you'll see if I do? His voice was shaky and barely audible.

I could sense so many emotions running through him. One, as I expected being betrayal.

"Ben, I didn't betray you. I was taken and brought to the resistance. They only just saved me. I've been trying to get back here ever since." I whispered to him.

I tried to step closer but was held back by the Force.

"You came here to destroy everything I have built. How is that not betraying me!" He shouted.

I stood my ground, but used the Force to push Han away from us.

"Ben, I came here to save innocent lives. I also came back because this is where I belong. You know what you are planning is wrong." I kept my voice steady.

I tried once again to approach him. This time I didn't meet the Force. I reached up and removed his mask, as I had done so many times before. I almost cried when I saw the state he was in. His eyes were tired and blotchy. He looked like someone who hadn't eaten or slept in days.

"Ben please believe me. I do not want to betray you, but I will do whats right." I touched his tired face.

His eyes closed, it was like I had given him oxygen, he could finally breath again. Its exactly the way I felt. I stepped into his chest and breathed him in. I felt calmer then I had in days.

"Ben, its not to late. Come home, we miss you." Han said, breaking into our quite moment.

He brought Ben back to reality. Ben looked down at me and brushed the hair out of my eyes. He used the Force to move me to his side. Tears filled his stoic eyes as he observed his father.

"I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain." he cried out.

I moved my hand to his. He took it gazing at me for only a moment. Something wasn't right, he was fighting something, and he wasn't winning. Han stepped closer to his son. His face full of love and compassion.

"I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?" Ben asked his father.

I tried to access Ben's thoughts but he was actively blocking me. I stepped beside Han and looked into Ben's eyes.

"No Ben, do not do this. It will not stop the pain." I begged.

I knew now what he was asking his father. He wanted his connections to the light destroyed. I stopped Han from speaking and moved in front of him.

"If Snoke wants you to do this to Han then you must do it to me too. I am a connection to the light just like your father." I readied myself for whatever Ben threw at me.

I couldn't let him do this, he would never forgive himself.

"Do you really want to lose me again? Because you will if you go through with this. You have a choose Ben. Choose me." I pleaded.

Ben's face changed, confusion plagued him. He didn't understand what I meant.

"I love you Ben Solo. Let me help you." I confessed.

I could hear shock come from above us, but I kept eye contact with Ben. I needed him to know everything, I needed him to know what I could give him. So many emotions crossed his face. The darkness around him lessened only for a moment, before he was once again consumed.

"I cant. Your asking me to become weak."

His words ripped me apart. I had never known pain until this moment. This wasnt my Ben, this was Kylo.

I took in a shaky breath.

"Fine, but I wont let you do this."

I used the Force to push Han further away while stealing his blaster.

"Go Han. NOW!"

I could hear his footsteps run across the catwalk. I pointed the blaster at Kylo, ready to save him from himself.

"You cannot beat me El. Not with that." He told me.

I sighed and rolled my eyes at him. "I know that, I have no desire to kill you. I love you Kylo, that's why I cant allow you to do this."

I looked up at Rey who was now joined by Han. I used to Force to tell her to leave. She nodded at me and followed the others outside. I felt the air leave my lungs as Ben threw me back. Right before I hit the ground I caught myself. Before I could stand Kylo had bolted in the other direction. I chased after him.

Shivering as the cold touched my skin.

I could see Chewie and Kylo in the distance. I started towards them, I could hear Chewie growl at Kylo. I screamed as he fired at Kylo hitting him in the side. I watched in agony as he dropped to the snow.

Chewie activated the bombs that surrounded the compound. An explosion threw me closer to Kylo. I felt my head hit the ground and a blaring pain filled me. I could feel blood run down my face. I blinked trying to clear my vision.

I could see Kylo ahead of me. He chanced one glance at me before he headed into the woods. I laid there in the snow trying to clear my head. I realized how ridiculous I must appear to others.

A fool in love with a monster.

How did I get here?

I tried to stand caching myself before I fell again. I made my way towards the woods where I could hear the sicking sound of light sabers clashing. I stood at the edge of the woods suddenly aware of my brilliant lack of weapons. I shook off the fear and stepped inside, following the sounds of battle.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**_*Sorry for the long wait. I'm trying to get myself back on a good writing schedule. This chapter is short and I apologize for that. Hopefully Ill get myself going and the next will be longer. Btw, I'm considering a Vampire Diaries fic. Would that be something anyone would be interested in? Let me know, and as always please review.*_**

I could hear voices as the wind whirled around me. Rey's being the most prominent. I came through a clearing where I could see Rey and Kylo. They were standing thirty feet apart, staring daggers at each other. Their sabers shining menacingly against the white of the snow. Kylo had blood pooling at his feet. He was severally injured, which would give Rey the advantage. I stood hidden behind the trees as they shouted at each other.

"Your a monster. I don't know how Elara could ever love a creature like you!" She shouted in anger.

Kylo's face faltered for a moment before he shook it off.

"That saber belongs to me!" He bellowed.

Rey lifted her saber, charging at Kylo. Amongst the bare trees around them the only light that could be seen was the red and blue of their battling sabers. I stood watching them unsure of what I should do. With Kylo injured, he and Rey were frighteningly equal. I rushed forward as the ground around them began to shake. Behind Rey a colossal piece of the earth fell away. She was teetering against the edge, her saber held against Kylo's. The sparks flew around them, light shining off their faces.

"You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force." Kylo's voice broke the eerie silence.

He was offering Rey something I knew she would never take.

"The Force." Rey closed her eyes concentrating.

I pushed my way through the snow. I had to stop this, they would kill each other. Full of new found strength Rey swung her saber pushing Kylo back. Her blows were strong, and I knew he didn't have enough strength left to defend himself. He fell onto the ground as Rey's saber met his face and chest. I ran forward screaming. I used the Force to grab Kylo's saber as I slid across the snow to stand in front of him. I met Rey's saber with Kylo's. She looked at me shocked.

"No Rey, its over for today. Killing him would only bring you darkness." I told her.

I didn't want to fight her, but I would defend Kylo.

"Is he really worth this El? Why defend a monster?" She was trying to understand, and I didn't know if I could help her.

I looked down at Kylo, the scar on his face reminded me of my own. I remembered him sitting with me in the infirmary. He had been there for me when I needed someone. I would do that for him. I closed my eyes and let memories flow through my mind and into Rey's. I let her see my fondest moments with Kylo. Moments when he was nothing more then Ben Solo.

"Yes Rey, to me he is worth it. He isn't a monster Rey, he is lost." I looked into her eyes, her face a mix of blue and red.

Our sabers were still held against each other. Both of us ready to defend ourselves. "That excuse can only be used so many times El. He tried to kill his own father!" She shouted.

"A few good moments cannot outweigh all the evil he has done." Rey was determined to get me to see Kylo the way she did.

I kept my eyes on hers. "Yes I know that. I never said he was a good person." I laughed.

She fought a smile. I was only being honest, Kylo wasn't a good person, but he could be.

"He needs help, Snoke has poisoned him for years. Please just trust me." I felt like we were going around in circles.

It would all depend on one thing, trust.

"Elara, please come home with me. Your an enemy to them now. They will kill you." Rey said.

I knew she had a point I had helped the resistance. I would be considered a traitor. I pulled Kylo's saber back and shut it down. I moved away from Rey and sat next to Kylo. His face was covered in blood. He looked at me in pain, I didn't want to leave him, but how would I be able to stay.

"Kylo, she is right. Snoke will want me gone after this." I told him.

I lifted his shirt to find the wound Chewie had inflicted. If he didn't get help soon he would bleed out. I ripped my shirt as Poe had once done for me. It left my stomach bare, and I shivered. I used it to apply pressure to his wound. He winced, grabbing my wrist.

"Leave El. Go with her." His voice was weak but firm.

I looked into his dark eyes. I knew leaving was the smart choice, but I couldn't bring myself to move. The ground beneath us shook as more of the Earth broke apart. I saw a thick crack forming in front of us. I looked up at Rey.

"Please forgive me Rey." I pushed her away from us with the Force.

I put her down on the other side of the crack. She faltered as everything broke apart moving her further away from us. She was now looking at us from a cliff on the other side of a gully that had formed.

"Elara!" She shouted in fear.

"Go Rey!" I motioned for her leave.

Kylo moved my face away from Rey and to him.

"Why El?" I brushed the hair from his scarred face.

"I couldn't leave you here alone Ben." I answered him.

I brushed my lips against his.

"I wont be able to save you from Snoke." Kylo looked at me in fear.

"Let me handle that. It will be ok. Lets focus on getting off this planet." I told him.

I looked into the sky as the Falcon shot into the distance. I sent Rey a final goodbye. I was glad they had made it out ok. I stepped away from Kylo and accessed the Force. I called out to Snoke telling him our location. I knew without a doubt that he could hear me. Only moments later a First Order ship landed beside us. Two troopers met us outside.

"He's injured get him inside and to a medic." I told the first trooper.

They carried Kylo into the ship and I slowly followed behind them. They laid a now unconscious Kylo on a bed in the med bay.

"We were told to subdue you Ma'am. The Supreme Leader has questions for you." The trooper told me.

He grabbed my wrists and placed cuffs on me. I had expected this much so I wasn't at all surprised. I had a plan though.

"I expect so." I said.

The trooper led me to a seat away from the med bay. I knew that part of the Supreme Leaders punishment will be keeping me away from Ren. There's no way he will want me trying to lead him to the light side. I knew what needed to be done now, and I needed to do it before I was taken to Snoke. He needed to be able to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was now working for him. I needed to turn to the darkside, just enough so that I will be surrounded by it. I had no plans to become some evil Sith lord, but I knew deep down that I could handle myself. I would go right to the edge. I could balance myself, I had to. For the rest of our journey to Snoke I called the darkness forward. I allowed it to surround and overwhelm me, but I kept the light there too. I did not allow the darkside to consume me. I made sure the light was right within my grasp. I wouldn't give up the light. I would become both. I just hoped that it was enough to trick Snoke into thinking I was now apart of the darkside. I felt the sickly feeling that the darkness gives you and knew I had succeeded. I held onto the light reminding myself who I really was. The ship landed and two troopers took hold of me as the others helped take Kylo to the infirmary. They led me through The Supremacy towards what I could only assume was the room being used by Snoke. I allowed the darkness to keep me calm. I was beginning to understand how the young and angry Ben Solo had been so easily consumed. The darkside made you feel formidable, it would be very easy to believe you were the most powerful being in the universe. I kept my head held high and willingly followed the troopers into a large throne room. I could feel another strong being, and knew it was Snoke, his presence was palpable. The walls of the room were blood red. Snoke sat in a large grey throne at the end of the room. He was surrounded by guards in red armor. They matched the color of the walls almost blending in. I kept my breathing steady and ignored the annoyed scoff wanting to escape my lips. This whole room was ridiculous, it was like he was trying to make everyone believe he was some kind of deity. I had known to be prepared for his appearance so his mangled features scared me very little. He was wrapped in a golden robe and had an evil smirk plastered on his face. I emptied my mind and saved my plans for later. I wanted him to believe I was contrite, I needed him to allow me to stay. I couldn't very well overthrow him from a distance.

"If it isn't the girl who thought she could take my apprentice from me." Snokes voice was raspy.

I looked into his milky eyes.

"That was never my plan Supreme Leader. I was facing a battle within myself. The light was trying to smother me, but I have defeated it." I filled my voice with regret and determination.

Snoke used the Force to pull me towards him. He held my neck in his hand, anger filled his disfigured face.

"Do not lie to me!" He yelled.

I stared into his eyes unblinking. "I am not lying. Use the Force you will find no light within me." I gasped.

I pushed all the darkness inside me to the surface. I allowed it to be the only thing on my mind. He looked deep into my eyes, weighing my worth. I knew this moment would decide my fate. Snoke released me and I fell to the floor. I stumbled, snuffing out my pride as I took a knee before him.

"I can see that you have accepted the darkside, but your loyalty is still in question. I have a test for you child, if you pass then you will become my apprentice just as Kylo Ren is." Snoke leaned forward his face inches from mine.

"Fail and you will die."

I nodded in agreement. "I will do whatever you wish."

Snoke smiled evilly. "Bring in the trooper."

I stood and faced the entrance to the room. I had no clue what Snoke was going to ask of me, but I knew it wouldn't be something I could refuse. Snokes praetorian guard drug a helmet less trooper into the room. They threw him at my feet where he stumbled and tried to rise. As the trooper stood I saw his face.

It was Aiden.

I spun around to Snoke, but kept my face emotionless. His evil smile sent chills down my spine.

"This trooper has been seen in your presence many times. We have been told your friendly with each other." Snoke kept his annoying smile as he looked at me.

"Yes, I've spoken with him before. He means nothing to me." I told him, trying to save Aiden from whatever Snoke had planned.

"Kill him." Snoke said, tossing me a saber.

I looked down at the black saber in shock. Aiden hadn't moved in inch he was staring at me in confusion and fear.

"Either kill him or die yourself. Join us Elara." Snokes voice was calm and inviting.

I didn't know what to do. If I killed him would I then be really joining the darkside? Would the hidden light inside me vanish? My voice floated into my thoughts. I was reminded of my promise to Han and myself. I would do whatever it took to save Ben. If I died today I wouldn't be able to save anyone. I ignited the saber and its red light filled the room.

"Elara, please don't do this! I'm not ready to die!" Aiden cried out.

I turned to him, his face was wet with tears. I didn't want to do this but I had to. If I didn't I would die and all of this would be for nothing. I could condemn myself for Ben, and the people being victimized by Snoke and his First Order.

I mouthed the words Forgive Me and pushed the saber into Aiden's chest.

I heard him gasp in pain and shock. I kept the tears at bay as I released him. I felt cold and empty. His lifeless body hit the floor with a soft thud that would no doubt fill me with nightmares. I extinguished my saber and faced Snoke.

"Very good Elara. I'm impressed. Welcome to The First Order." He said.

I nodded at him, my face blank.

"Now, lets go over some rules shall we?" He said snidely.

"First, you and Ren will no longer train together. I will train you each individually. Let this be clear, no relationship between you will exist." He sternly said.

"Understood." I told him.

"Hux will show you to your new quarters. Now leave me, Ill call for you when I wish for your training to begin." He motioned for me to leave.

I passed Aiden's body without looking down. I exited the room and found Hux waiting for me.

"Ah Elara, isn't this a pleasure. Welcome back." he said with a snide smile.

I was still cold and emotionless so I used the Force to close his windpipe without fear. I was full of anger and needed to distance myself from everyone.

"Take me to my room General." I said, dropping him.

Hux quickly stood leading me to my room. After a few silent minutes we stopped in front of my new room. He handed me the lock code for the room and left. I stepped inside, the black walls matched my mood and made me feel secure. I sat on the bed and stared at nothing. Slowly my emotions flooded me, causing tears to stream down my face. I let the grief I felt overwhelm me. My sobs filled the silence, I held myself rocking back and forth. I knew that I would never be the same. I had killed a little piece of myself when I struck Aiden down. I don't know how long I sat there, allowing my devastation to consume me. Finally after what felt like hours I fell into a restless sleep.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**_*Short Chapter again, sorry guys. I want to thank all my readers, you guys rock. Thanks to everyone who leaves me a review, I as always appreciate it. To all my silent readers, dont be shy. Let me know what you think, I promise I dont bite;) *_**

The memories of the day before flooded my mind as I woke. For at least an hour I laid in bed watching the betrayal flash in Aiden's eyes as my saber took his life. I didn't know how to get through the day. The pain in my chest only grew and grew. How was I suppose to move on when the guilt was suffocating me? I slowly lifted myself from the bed, it was like I was on auto pilot. The real Elara was buried deep inside me drowning, I was an empty shell. I barley knew what I was doing as I readied myself for the day. The hot water felt cold as I showered. I put on my new uniform. It was exactly the same as before, apart from the black hooded cloak I had been given. I braided my hair to the side and pulled on the cloak, then lifted the hood over my head as I exited my room. I moved through the halls like a phantom. My eyes watched the troopers around me, they avoided me as they once had Kylo. What I had done to Aiden must have spread like wildfire. My new saber felt cold against my hip as it moved with each step I took. Making way onto my command deck I passed by Hux. His emotionless eyes scanned me, It made me feel sick.

"Can I help you General?" I spat.

His face glowed red at my question.

"Yes, we are about to have a meeting to discuss our next steps against the resistance." He kept his head held high.

He tried so hard to be commanding and scary. It didn't work.

"Join me." He left no room for me to deny his offer.

I followed him into a room full of men in uniforms. They all gave off an air of importance. I made my way to the side of the room and stood behind Hux's chair. They all began to discuss various strategy's and ways to incapacitate the resistance. It was all very military, I had no desire to listen. Their plans were weak at best. The resistance would have no problem taking care of themselves. At least moment I really could care less who wins or loses. It was almost like my humanity had died with Aiden. I was hollow. The big important men ended their meeting by dismissing the lesser members of the Order. I bent down to Hux's level and whispered in his ear.

"I am going to check in on the Knights. Make sure they are keeping up with their training without Ren."

He smiled at me and nodded his head. I hated acted like he mattered at all to me, but Snoke had left me a list of duties. One of the items on my list was to leave Hux alone. He was still of use to Snoke so I wasn't allowed to cause him trouble. I left the room my cloak swishing behind me. I pulled the list from my pocket. Everything listed was fairly obvious, help on important missions, lead the Knights while Ren healed, help with the troopers. Yadda yadda, at least my mind would be distracted. I had to admit it did irritate me knowing Kylo was always allowed to do as he pleased. Then again he had proven his worth, I had only passed one test. I stuffed down the memories and headed towards the Knights quarters. I had never met the dark side force users before, if it had been any other day I would have felt some trepidation. Today though, I pitied anyone who pissed me off. The only sound around me was the quite tapping of my black boots. I kept my mind on that sound avoiding any type of silence. I easily found my way using the Force. I opened door and stormed in. None of them where dressed, they were all lounging about. I knew they thought Kylo being injured gave them a little vacation.

"Who are you?" A tall brunette man asked me.

I threw him against the wall with ease. I had become stronger in the Force since taking in some of the dark side.

"My name is Elara, I am your leader until Kylo returns." I paced in front of them.

Their faces were full of anger.

A woman with hair similar to my own scoffed at me. "We don't even know who you are. Why should we follow you?" She huffed.

I used the Force to pin them all against the wall. Their feet dangled as the gasped for air.

"You will listen to me because Snoke has commanded it! You will stick to the schedule Ren gave you and if you have a problem with that Ill make sure to let him know." I sneered.

I stepped closer to them my hand still outstretched in front of me. "Although, If I were you Id fear me before Id fear him, because Ill be the one to get to you first." I released them, reveling in their fear. I pulled my hood back, allowing them to see my face.

"Now I expect you dressed and in the training room in an hour. Am I understood?" I asked.

They all stood, nodding. I gave them an eerie smile. I pulled my hood back up and quickly left the room. A trooper met me outside.

"Miss, Kylo Ren is awake and has requested your presence." He told me.

I sent him away and headed towards the infirmary. I had been avoiding seeing Ren. I wasn't ready for him to know everything that had happened, and to be honest I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I knew it had to be done though, Snoke would be watching closely. The infirmary was busy and full of injured troopers. Their had been many casualties during the last battle. A nurse stopped in front of me, her eyes tired and dull.

"Can I help you find someone dear?" She mumbled. I avoided her gaze, her eyes were full of kindness, kindness that I was unworthy of.

"Kylo Ren." I simply said.

She led me to a private room, where I saw a shirtless Kylo covered in bandages. He was lying back staring at the ceiling. I smiled at the sense of Deja Vu. It had once been me in this position. Oh how things have changed. I stood leaning against the doorway. I was flabbergasted when I noticed he didn't sense me, then I noticed the IV in his arm. He must be on some pretty powerful painkillers, which would be whats dulling his Force capabilities. I stood there silently observing him, he just kept his eyes trained on the ceiling unmoving. I walked into his room and stood beside his bed.

"I heard what happened El." He kept his gaze fixed above him.

I sat on the edge of his bed looking at his bandaged face. I tried to remember the feelings that just being this close to him used to give me, but they were no longer there. I was emotionless. He moved his head towards me. I felt his hand lift my hood from my face. He gasped, causing me to look at him in confusion. His eyes held unshed tears. He tried to sit up, grunting in pain.

"Elara don't, come back please." He begged me.

I looked into his eyes, my face perfectly blank.

"I had to save you Ben, I had to save myself. This is who I am now." I told him honestly.

I could feel the light slowly drifting away from me. I couldn't hold onto it. Snoke was snuffing out everything good in me. Ben held my face in his hands.

"Then its who we will be together. I wont leave you alone Elara." His voice held an emotion I refused to except.

"I am alone Ben. Snoke wishes for us to have minimal contact. He is my Master now, I must obey him." I stood, backing away from him.

I had to keep him safe, it was all I had left. I couldn't involve him in my plans to kill Snoke. I needed to do this alone, that way if something went wrong I would be the only one losing my life.

"Don't do this El. Don't shut me out, I can help you." He reached out to me.

I held onto the emptiness and darkness inside of me. I used every bit of anger I held, I would make him hate me.

"I don't want your help Kylo Ren." I kept my voice full of ice and hatred.

"Your weak, I don't need you now. I'm stronger then you ever could be." I spat.

His face fell before it filled with contempt. I knew what I needed to say, but I didn't want to.

"I only stuck around you in hopes that you would be your grandfather's equal, but your nothing but a weak boy."

Id done it, Id used his biggest weakness to make him hate me.

"Leave now. I have no further need of you." I had never heard him so full of hate. Even when he spoke of Skywalker.

I sneered at him before I left. I covered my face again as treacherous tears began to fall.

I hated myself.

 ** _Kylo's POV_**

I wanted to hate her after what she said, but I couldn't. How could I have missed how dark she really was? She had played me, and I'd fallen for it. Never again. I felt sadness and disgust and knew it was coming from her. I stared at the door willing her to come back, to tell me she had lied, but I felt her walk away. If this was what she wanted then its what I would give her. The Elara I thought Id been falling in love with was gone, and with her Ben Solo. I was once again Kylo Ren. If she wanted a cold hearted monster then that's what I would be. Our connection was pushing its way into my mind, trying to show me something. I tried to fight it, but it was to strong. It led me to her. She was in the training room with my Knights. She had removed her cloak, revealing her red eyes. Had she been crying? I watched her light a saber, motioning for my Knights to advance on her. I stiffened, afraid she would be hurt. Even after our fight I still wanted her safe. I was dazzled by how easily she spun around taking them out one by one. She was beautiful and graceful. It was like watching a dangerous dance. She stood with the knights at her feet. Her ragged breathing lifting her shoulders up and down. She used the Force to make the rise to their feet. She yelled for them to begin again. She stepped back, pacing back and forth. The Knights flew at her all at once. Elara used the Force to throw herself forward flipping above the nearest Knight. She caught him off guard slashing the back of his armour. He fell forward as she took out the one on her right. Her face was stern, but I could see the sadness in her eyes. Once she took them all out again, she dismissed them. I watched her extinguish her saber, then fall to the floor. She let out a pained moan, bursting into tears. I sat down beside her, wishing I could help her. Her cries stopped as she looked above her.

"Kylo, please leave. You don't understand. I have to do this alone." She raised her hand pushing me away.

My eyes snapped open. I sat up in my bed, groaning in pain. I should have known she was lying to me. I wasn't sure what she had planned, but she wouldn't be doing this alone. Regardless of what she thought. I would help her learn how to control the emotions that were dragging her down. I would teach her how to control her dark side. I closed my eyes replaying her fight in my mind. How had this woman beguiled me so completely? I wouldn't lose her to the darkside, we would conquer it together.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**_*This chapter is a bit different. There is three POV's so I hope you guys are ready and enjoy it. If it gets good reviews I may try it again. Please review!!!*_** ** _Rey's POV_**

I looked out over the blue ocean I never thought I'd ever see something so beautiful. The wind whipped strands of my hair into my face, I brushed them behind my ear as I made my way back from Luke's hut. I had only just gotten him to agree to train me. He had fought me all the way, but I'm nothing if not persistent. I learned from the best after all. Every night in my dreams when I would meet Elara, she'd teach be how to stand up for myself. It was something I'm very glad she taught me. Growing up alone on Jakku was hard, and I used to be a bit of a pushover. Thinking of Elara brought a lump to my throat, I missed her dearly. She was my first friend. I was determined to get her back from the First Order. I knew that eventually Kylo would show her his true self, and I would be there to bring her home. I had left Han and the others back on the base. Han was helping Leia find a way to kill the leaders of the Order. To cut the head off the snake was his exact wording. Once Kylo, Snoke and Hux were dead the others would surly go running. Then we could finally be at peace. I felt bad for Elara, Poe had told me that she believed she could bring peace without unnecessary death. She believed with all her heart that once Snoke and Hux are gone that she can bring light into the Order. In my opinion its impossible. We have to be rid of as many of them as possible, including Kylo Ren. I found myself at the edge of the cliff near my hut, I brought out my saber and begun to practice.

I swung it around a few times, loving the feel of power. I was so caught up in the swish of the blue light that I lost track of how close I was to a large chunk of rock, sitting near the edge of the cliff. My saber went through it causing a small avalanche to cascade down the edge.

I jumped back in embarrassment , hoping no one was walking below me. Once the rock had stopped falling I glanced over the edge blushing like an idiot. A few natives looked up from below speaking furiously in a language I didn't understand. I waved at them, not knowing what else to do.

"Sorry, my fault." I hollered.

I slowly backed away from the mess. I put away my saber and started towards my hut. I felt eyes on me and noticed Luke staring at me from a distance, his face slightly amused. I waved to him as well, trying to stop the annoying blush that was still covering my face. I went inside and sat on my bed. I put my palms on my face sighing. Of course I would make a fool of myself in front of Luke Skywalker. I laid back wondering if he had every done something stupid during his training. I'm sure he hadn't, he defeated Vader for crying out loud!

The air in my room suddenly fizzled with power. I could feel a disturbance in the Force. Something new was being born. I stood up in fear as Luke entered my room.

"Did you feel that Rey?" He asked.

I stood facing him with a nod.

"What was it?" I whispered.

I didn't know why I was whispering, it just felt right. Whatever had caused that disturbance was powerful and It scared me.

"Someone is turning to the dark side Rey." I felt my stomach turn as I thought of El.

It had to be her. Who else could it be?

"What do we do?" I asked in fear. Luke's face was stern.

"Nothing. At least for now. There's not much we could do." He opened the door to my hut standing in the doorway.

"We must continue your training. We can only hope whoever it is decides to stay with the light." He said, leaving.

I sat back down looking off into nothing. I tried to reach El with no succuss. She was blocking me. In my mind that confirmed it was her changing. I sent a silent plea to anyone who might be listening.

Please help me.

I felt a surge in the Force as the figure of Kylo Ren sat before me.

 ** _Kylo's POV_**

I had felt the presence of someone unexpected. She was reaching out into the Force with a plea for help. I followed it, unsure what I would do if I met my uncle.

I found myself sitting before Rey. I could see nothing but her, everything around her was dark. I was being kept from knowing her location. I sneered at whomever was connecting us. They obviously didn't trust me. Her face went from shock to anger within a spilt second. I was sort of impressed, she wasn't as sweet as Elara had told me she was.

"You know anger leads to the dark side." I taunted.

Rey stood, in a whirlwind of emotion.

"What are you doing here? You...you monster! You've lost, I found Skywalker." She spat, with venom in her voice.

I smiled up at her, I could see how El and Rey had become friends. They were very similar to one another. I watched her pace around, she was trying to reign in her temper.

"I'm here because you called out to me Rey." I told her in confusion.

Had she really not known what she was doing?

Her pacing stopped as she looked at me like I'd grown another head.

"You called out to the Force for help. I heard you, and now I'm here." I explained.

"Although, I cannot see where here is. Can you see my surroundings?" I asked, intrigued by this whole situation.

"I didn't mean to call out to you. I was calling out for help, for Elara's sake she needs help Ren."

I sat emotionless thinking over what she had said.

"Did you not feel the disturbance Kylo? She is turning to the dark side, but I'm sure your helping with that." She angrily said.

I stood, stepping closer to her. She froze in fear, obviously expecting the worse from me.

"Of course I didn't feel a disturbance, I'm already apart of the dark side." I reminded her.

"Elara is doing this by herself. I have nothing to do with what is happing to her." I growled.

It was now my turn to pace around the room in an attempt to reign in my temper.

"I don't want this anymore then you do. She isn't herself Rey. She's become lost trying to save everyone else." I finished, stepping away from her.

Rey took a deep breath and sighed. I could see she was exhausted, she was still new to the Force and the connection between us was wearing her down. It wasn't a natural occurrence, unlike the one shared by myself and El. This one is being pushed on us by someone else. Rey ran her hands down her face.

"What can we do Kylo? I am here training, I have to stay. What can I do to help her from this distance!?" She finished her sentence with an anxious yank of her hair, as she removed the bands holding it in place.

I mirrored her anxious expression and mood. She was asking me all this like I was some kind of all knowing being.

If I had known how to help Elara I would have done it already. She has only gotten worse as the days progressed. She has been training with Snoke alone. I'm not sure what he is teaching her, but I know from experience his teachings can be painful and full of darkness.

I remembered seeing her last night, she had been heading back to her room after a session with Snoke. She was bloody and bruised. The light that she had once held in her eyes was dull and receding fast. I shook off the memory of her face and looked at Rey.

"I know of only one way you could possibly help her. Her defences are up during the day, but at night you could enter her dreams." I told her running my hand through my hair.

It wasn't my best idea, but its all I could come up with. If I couldn't help her then maybe her best friend could. She needed to know she wasn't alone, that we could, and would help her.

"It will take a lot out of you. You must practice during the day. Your Force capabilities are weak right now." I told her.

Her face became firm and strong. "I will do what I can."

I leaned against the wall and stared into her eyes.

"You must not tell Luke what your doing. Your new to all of this and It could get dangerous. He will not approve." I sternly told her.

I ignored the way giving her this small order felt. I would never admit it, but if I had ever gained a padwan I would have wanted one like Rey.

"I can do that. There's not a lot he approves of right now. I guess he was betrayed once upon a time. By some ass called Ben Solo." She taunted me as I had her.

I almost chuckled at her audacity. I gave her a small smile and leaned forward.

"Poor Rey. Believe me he was never fun, even before the so called betrayal."

She gave me an annoyed look.

"Maybe you should ask Luke what happened that night. What caused my betrayal. I'm sure you'd be surprised by what my uncle is capable of." I sighed.

I felt our connection weaken.

"Rey, you wont be able to hold this much longer." I begun.

"When you enter El's mind be sure to start slow. Do not make her feel trapped. It will only anger her." I finished, as her form began to dimmer in front of me.

She was fading.

"Ill try to enter with you and help." I called out to her.

I saw her slowly sit down exhausted, she gave me a thumbs up as she disappeared.

I looked around my room before heading to the shower. I hoped Rey was powerful enough, it would take both of us to save Elara. I was determined to ignore the fact that she was a resistance member, one that had scarred me during our last battle. If she could help El I could look past it, for now.

 ** _Rey's POV_**

I fell back on my bed completely wiped out. I had never been this tired before. Kylo was right, my Force capabilities were weak. I had to train harder. If getting into El's head at night could help remind her of who she truly was, then that's what I had to do.

I could feel she wasn't totally lost yet, but there's only so much darkness a person can take, without losing themselves. I was surprised by the way Kylo had spoken with me. Yes he seemed cold when we first connected, but the longer we spoke the less hard his expression became. I knew Elara had fallen in love with him, so maybe there was something good left in him. Maybe while we worked together to save El, I could save him as well. Obviously Elara had brought him back to the light, just not all the way. He was still trapped there by Snoke. If we could bring El back he would leave with her, im sure of it. All she'd have to do was ask him to. I laid in bed, thoughts of Elara and Kylo running through my head. I hoped I could help, I had too. I felt my eyes droop and soon I had fallen into a deep sleep.

 ** _Elara's POV_**

I was walking around the forest I had grown up in. Sunlight could be seen shinning through the leaves of the tree's around me. The wind lifted my hair leaving behind the smell of wet earth. I didn't realize how much I had missed my home. The last few weeks have been the worst of my entire life. My training with Snoke has shown me how truly evil he is. The beatings I've been given for anything he deems a failure are brutal. Through it all my abilities have grown. I knew it was because I had spent so much time feeding into the dark side, but there was nothing I could do about that.

I'm constantly being brought before Snoke, so having any light inside of me is dangerous. I know I'm losing myself, but in doing that I've become so much stronger. Maybe losing myself is exactly what has to be done. After all, the people I love are whats most important, not myself. If I could save them by joining the dark side, then isn't it worth it? In the end, I could join the Force and leave this all behind.

All the pain and sadness. Kylo could find his family again, and finally be happy. Rey could marry Finn, and have cute babies. I smiled at the thought of little Rey's and Finn's running around using the Force to annoy their parents.

I felt a sudden new presence surround me, in confusion I spun around looking past the trees. I don't remember adding anyone to my dream.

"Elara?" Rey's voice filled the silence.

I watched her come towards me out of no where. Had I conjured her up from my thoughts?

"Rey?" I asked her, deciding to go with it.

"Hey El! Oh I've missed you." She flew into my arms.

I had gotten everything about her perfectly right, she even smelled like her self.

"How have you been? I'm so sorry I left you behind Rey, but I had to." I told her.

I knew this was the closets I'd get to the real Rey, so I was going to take advantage. I'd tell her everything I wanted the real Rey to know.

"Please forgive me Rey. I don't want everything to end without knowing we are still friends." I cried.

Rey smiled at me, wiping away the tears that had fallen.

"El we will always be friends. Nothing is going to end. I'm going to help you. I think that's why you brought me here."

I frowned at her unsure what she meant.

Help me?

"What would you be helping me with?" I asked.

She took my hand and led me to the waterfall behind my cabin. We sat on the stone that laid beside the small creek.

"Look at yourself El."

I squinted at her, what was she playing at?

I rolled my eyes and looked at my reflection.

"Its me Rey. What was I suppose to see?" I sighed.

Rey moved my face back towards my reflection.

"Really look Elara. Don't see what you expect to see, see whats really there." She said in exasperation.

I closed my eyes and grumbled at her. When I opened my eyes I almost fell back in fear. My once blue eyes were now red, they looked like something from a horror movie. My hair was brittle and dull. Its once brilliant red color was nearly gone. Its like everything bright about me was fading. I barley recognized myself. I looked into Rey's watery eyes.

"This isn't you, your turning to the dark side. I know you feel like this is what you have to do, but its not." She whispered.

I closed my eyes, trying to memorize the sound of her voice. I wanted to take in everything she was saying. I knew I needed help, but I couldn't get myself to accept it. I was too afraid to put the few people I actually had in danger.

"You cant do whatever your doing alone." Rey said.

She placed her hand on mine as someone new entered the dream.

"Accept our help." I spun around at the sound of another familiar voice.

Kylo stood behind us, but he wasn't the way I remembered him. This wasn't Kylo Ren, it was Ben Solo. His face was bright and full of life. His black hair shinning in the sunlight. The normally black clothing he usually wore was gone. In its place was a tan shirt, pants and robe. Its what I always imagined him to look like as a Jedi. I covered my mouth, hiding my smile. Ben looked at me in confusion. His shoulders rose in a shrug, wondering why I was so surprised.

"Look at yourself Kylo." Rey told him, with a laugh.

Ben lowered his gaze to his clothing. I stood up and drug him to the creek. I motioned for him to look at himself. His face fell in shock.

"I didn't do this Rey." He whispered.

"Of course you didn't. This is El's dream. She did it." Rey answered.

I smiled at them both.

"This is what I imagine you would look like as yourself. Ben Solo, the Jedi master." I said, crossing my arms.

He looked into my eyes, searching for something. His intense stare made me want to look away, but I didn't.

"This is what you wish I was?" He asked nervously. I brought him to sit next to Rey and myself.

"This is what I think you would look like. If you were less dark and sad, but I love you either way." I didn't care to tell him the truth, after all this was all in my head.

His face brightened as he ran the back of his fingers across my cheek. He brushed his thumb across my lips causing Rey to cough in embarrassment.

"So El, are you gonna let us help you?" Ben asked, rolling his eyes at Rey.

I looked at them both, wishing I could say yes. I wasn't ready though. I still felt I needed to do this alone.

"I'm sorry guys, I cant ask for you to risk yourselves for me." I grimaced.

I could tell they were about to argue, so I decided I was done with all this. I hated seeing their disappointment. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself to wake up.

As I shot up in bed there was a loud knock on my door. I rose to answer it, unsurprised to find a trooper waiting on the other side.

"The Supreme Leader asks for you to join him." His monotone voice spoke.

I waved him away and went to get dressed. I avoided the mirror, I didn't want to see the truth about myself. My dream was still fresh in my mind. I threw on my cloak and exited my room, prepared for the torture that awaited me.


	18. Chapter 18

I wiped the blood from my brow as I rose to my feet. I took a defensive stance as Snoke sent another Knight forward. I swung my saber and met his. I pushed against him with all the strength I had left. He fell back, but I pulled him forward with the Force, using the handle of my saber to knock him out. I kicked his body to the floor and looked up at Snoke. An evil sneer was present on his deformed face. I choked back the bile that rose in my throat. His sneer reminding me of how far I had fallen.

"Again!" He all but shouted.

I stepped away from the unconscious Knight at my feet. I could feel my body wanting to quit on me, but I wouldn't allow it. I had to prove myself to Snoke or else I'd suffer another of his punishments. Two knights surrounded me as I swung my saber in a circle beside me. I bent down ready to defend myself. They both headed towards me at the same time. I used the Force to push one back as I met the saber of the next. I spun around lowering myself to the ground. I slid behind the Knight slashing his legs as I went. He fell to the floor in pain, blood dripping from his armour. I lifted myself from the ground and stood in front of my next opponent. Trying to hide the fact that I was swaying back and forth.

"Enough." Snoke bellowed.

I felt my legs wobble as I bowed before him. The knights with minor injuries help the ones that I had left incapacitated to the infirmary. I took deep breaths trying to calm my heavily beating heart. I'd been fighting for three hours now, and I was close to fainting.

"You have done well today child, maybe I have been wrong about your weaknesses." His voice was void of the emotion he was trying to fake.

I knew he had no feeling for me whatsoever. He only wanted my power.

"Thank you Master." I said, hiding my hate.

I kept my eyes on his without blinking.

"You may rest. Your final test will be soon. If you pass, then you'll become everything you were meant to be." He sneered.

I stood lowering my head as a form of acknowledgement. I left the throne room in a hurry. I was ready to be free of him. I had decided that I would kill him as soon as I passed my final test. Its when he'd least expect it. He will think I am fully on the dark side, and then I'll end him. Whatever it takes. I headed for the cafeteria having not eaten the entire day. I needed at least an apple. I had my head facing the floor not even having enough strength to fake confidence. I felt myself hit something hard. I started falling backwards before someone caught my hand. I looked up to see the face of Kylo Ren. I straightened myself, taking my hand away from his.

"Sorry Ren." I said.

I walked around him heading forward. I didn't have the mental capacity to talk to him right now.

"Elara!" His stern voice shouted.

I stopped in my tracks. I was frozen in fear, what could he possibly want from me now.

"I have nothing left to give today Ben. Please leave me be." I whispered.

I could sense him standing directly behind me. I wanted to turn around and fall into his arms, but I had to have strength.

"You know what I want from you." He spoke into my ear.

I felt a shiver run down my back as I closed my eyes. I could feel his breath on my neck. It was giving me the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach. No one had ever made me feel this way before, it scared me.

"There is nothing here for you." I spat at him.

I hoped he would get the point and leave me be. Instead he ran his nose across the nape of my neck before nipping my earlobe with his teeth. I gasped unsure why he would do such a thing.

"Are you sure El?" He chuckled.

I felt a smile cross my face for the first time in what felt like years. I turned around to face him.

"Ben Solo, your impossible." I joked.

His eyes lit up for a moment before he hid it. I'm sure it was to keep me from running. I knew I'd regret this interaction tomorrow when I'm not drunk with exhaustion. His face became stern as he brushed his finger across the cut on my forehead. I moved my head away from him with a shy smile.

"It's nothing. Just a training wound." I told him.

"Did Snoke do this?" He spitefully asked.

I moved out of his reach.

"No, one of your Knights actually." I snickered.

He tried to hide his anger, but I could sense it rolling off of him.

"It's not a big deal, I won. Anyways I'm starved so I gotta go." I said gesturing to the hall behind me.

A smile crossed his face again. "I have dinner waiting in my room if your interested." He suggestively told me.

I covered my face in pretend shock. "How rude. I'm a lady, or have you forgotten!" I abashedly asked.

He took my hand and drug me towards his room. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips. I hadn't felt this good in ages. It was like we were two normal people, without the worries we are forced to carry on our shoulders. Ben looked around before he lifted me over his shoulder. I hit his back with my fist in shock.

" Ben, what if people see?" I said in fear of Snokes swift retribution.

"Don't worry, I had this hallway cleared out."

I scrunched up my face in utter confusion. How had he known he'd be able to convince me? I let exhaustion take over, so I wouldn't think about what tomorrow would bring. I felt Ben lower me to the floor as he punched in the code to his room. I avoided his heated gaze as I stepped inside. His room was dark except for the candles he had lit and placed on the table and around his room. It was like I had stepped into another universe. One were Kylo Ren never existed and the man beside me was only Ben Solo. I didn't know for sure when this change had occured, but I knew it wasn't a good thing. Snoke would find out and it would be the death of him. I turned to the obviously nervous man beside me. His face glowing in the candle light. I knew in that moment, I had never seen anything more beautiful. Not the green of the trees surrounding my home, nor the yellow of the sunlight I hoped to once again bath in after this war was finally over. This memory will always define beauty for the rest of my existence. I let all my fears go and lifted my hand to his face. "Thank you Ben, this is beautiful." I softly spoke. I took a sit at the table. He slowly made his way to my side, as if he was still afraid I might bolt. I could see the poorly hidden fear in his eyes. I wanted so badly to erase it, but I knew it would be impossible. Deep down he knew just as I did, that this would be the only time something like this would be possible. I smiled up at him as be filled my glass with auburn liquid. After he filled his

own glass he took the seat in front of me. I decided to ask the question that had been bugging me since I had stepped foot in his room.

"Why are you doing this Ben?" I whispered.

His face remained blank as he took a moment to think over his answer. "I wanted to show you kindness. You need to know I care for you, and am not going to give you up anytime soon." He said clearly, nervously awaiting my response.

I took a sip of my beverage impressed by his choice. I had never tasted anything so delicious.

"Ben, it's because I care for you that I don't want to involve you in what I'm trying to do. I cannot risk losing you." I stated honestly.

His face fell in aggravation. I started eating, or more like devouring my food. I watched a smug smile grace his face as he watched me.

"If your not going to allow me to help you, the least you could do is take care of yourself." He grumbled.

"I know, I just get so busy." I exhaustedly explained.

After we both finished our meal I made my way to his bed and threw myself down.

"You know Solo, I think your bed will become mine for the night. I don't think I can take another step." I mumbled against the covers.

He grumbled at my use of his last name. I felt Ben fall beside me, pulling me onto his now bare chest. I scrunched up my face wondering when he had taken off his shirt, but decided not to ruin the moment with useless questions. I looked up and watched his peaceful expression. His eyes were closed and his breathing had slowed, telling me he had fallen asleep.

I could tell he hadn't been sleeping, and I was afraid it was my fault. I ran my fingers across his lips. It was hard to believe it had only been a short amount of time since I had first met him during our Force connection. I knew that he was the strongest man I had ever met, and that he wouldn't give up. I also knew now, above all else, I couldn't live without him. I sat up and leaned over his sleeping form. I wasn't sure if this would work, but I had to try.

I held back the hurt that was starting to overwhelm me, and pushed my way into his mind. I felt myself fall into his dream, it was dark and warm. I wondered what he could possibly be dreaming about. I couldn't hide the excitement I felt, I was in Kylo Ren's dreams. I heard a small giggle coming from the direction to my right and decided to follow. I walked through a few trees until I came upon a small clearing.

It was beautiful; there were wildflowers scattered across the small space. It reminded me so much of home. I lifted my face to the sky and saw it covered in stars in all, it was perfect. I saw a dark figure step into the moonlight and hid myself behind the nearest tree. I peaked out to see Ben staring at the stars, suddenly a small figure jumped lightly onto his back laughing happily.

I looked closer and gasped as I saw myself. I couldn't believe it, he was dreaming of me. He pulled the dream version of me over his shoulder and they both fell onto the soft grass below them. He hovered above her breathing heavily before he kissed her. It was passionate and as odd as it sounds I found myself feeling jealous...of myself.

I sighed deeply as I leaned against the tree I was still hiding behind. I felt ridiculous and was starting to regret coming here. Then I remembered I was here for a reason. I waited for their _frolicking_ to end and watched dream me run into the trees beckoning for Ben to follow.

His face lifted into a gorgeous smirk as he stood ready to chase after me...her...man is this weird!

I stepped into the clearing with a small fake giggle, trying to act like the dream version of me. He smiled shyly at me before he made his way towards me. I lowered my head before looking him in the eyes.

I placed my hands on both sides of his face keeping my eyes glued to his. I felt the Force surge between us as I began to speak, keeping my voice firm.

"You never fell in love with me. We are not friends, in fact you dislike me. You will not fight for me." I said, pushing into his mind with the Force.

I watched his eyes glaze over before he looked at me in confusion. The dream around us faded before being replaced with nothing but darkness. It was like I had wiped out any light he had, just by taking away his feelings for me. I slowly backed away watching him run his hand through his hair utterly confused by his surroundings. I felt sick, what had I done to him, the man I love?

I felt a snap as I was disconnected from his mind. I lifted myself from the bed and quietly cleaned up any evidence of me being here before I left him to sleep.

Once I found my way back to my room I stepped into the shower where I lowered myself onto the floor and let the water wash over me as I gasped unable to shed anymore tears. I was still shocked by my own actions. I had taken any progress he made and tossed it away. I felt like I had killed any chance of a life with Ben. He was gone and all that was left was Kylo Ren. I finished my shower and sat in front of my mirror. I hated the sight of myself. I was just as lost now as Ben was. The darkness around me had intensified and I could feel myself finally giving in. I guess it was time, I no longer had to worry about having to see the fear and sadness in Ben's eyes. I could let go now. I called to the Force and tried to seek out my final goodbye. I felt Rey's Force signature and connected to it. I could see her wielding her saber against someone I couldn't see. I waited until she was finished before I made myself known.

"Hello Rey." I simply said.

She spun around to meet me with a shocked expression on her face.

"El? I'm so glad to see you!" She all but shouted.

I held up my hand to silence her. I didn't have much strength left in me.

"I'm here to ask your forgiveness for all I've done, and for what's to come." I stated.

Her face fell as she looked me over. I knew how I must look to her. I was completely broken, with no strength to even try and hide it.

"What did you do Elara?" She whispered in fear.

"I took away Ben's memories of our time together using the Force." I choked out.

I felt treacherous tears finally fall. Maybe I had at last excepted what I'd done. Rey's expression was the same as Ben's had been after I had taken away any memories of me. They didn't recognize me anymore. I almost laughed at the similaritie.

"Why?" she finally asked me.

"To keep him safe. I'm here to say goodbye Rey. It's time I let you all go, then I can finally do what needs to be done." I said, without emotion.

Rey tried to reach out for me, but I fell back unable to be near her. My emotionless facade was failing and I couldn't let her see that.

"Goodbye Rey." I softly said.

I turned away from her as I felt myself once again in the emptiness of my own room. I fell onto my bed feeling nothing but coldness. I let myself sink into a dreamless sleep.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**_Please let me know what you think of this Chapter,_** ** _and it's special_** ** _guest!_** *

 **Third Person POV**

The man in black once again roamed the hallways. The blank expression that used to cover his face back in its rightful place. The people around him glanced in his direction in fear. They didn't know what had happened to bring him back to what he used to be, but they did know not to anger him. His short fuse was another thing roaming the halls again. Everyone noticed the return of the old Kylo Ren, but what they never seemed to see was the girl in black. They never noticed how she stood stock still, staring at the man as if she was hoping to be noticed. Her face a light with pain, before becoming a dull shadow of what it used to be. It was as if that man was the only thing that could bring any expression to her face, even if it was one of pain and remorse. When in the same room together, the man wouldn't even acknowledge her presence. His knights found humour in the hate their leader showed the girl, yet they knew not to anger her with their snide remarks or smirks. She had slowly become just as volatile as Kylo Ren. The only time any emotion, besides hate could been seen for the girl on the face of Kylo Ren, was when Snoke would have them train together. Anger would shine bright within the girl when her Master would order this. She knew it was to torture her. He hadnt figured out it was the girl that had brought forth the old Ren, and he didn't care, as long as his old protege was back in his rightful place. Although it angered the girl she listened obediently. Drawing her saber, she would strike at Ren without hesitation. Her hair a fiery halo, surrounded her with every forceful strike. In moments like this, a small part of Kylo struggled to come forward. Something about the way the red of his saber lit up her face beguiled him. He knew he was supposed to hate her, but in these moments he struggled to understand why. The way her red hair reminded him of everything bright in the world, her intense eyes burning into the soul he thought he no longer had. Then, as soon as it all came to him, something inside washed it all away. As their fight ended so did all confusion he had about the girl. He could see the pain inside of her, and it only angered him. He would brush past her without sparing her a single glance. The girl watched him leave every time. She wanted so badly to bring him back to her, but fear always stopped her. It reminded her that this was for the best. But she was starting to wonder...best for who?

 **Kylo's POV**

After my training with Snoke's newest recruit I led my Knights to their quarters. They had been training for the past five hours, so I had no other choice but to allow them to rest. They were useless to me exhausted. I left them to their business and headed back to the training room. These past few weeks I've been pushing myself harder then ever before. I didn't know why, but it was like I was running from something again. In the past, it was the call to the light, but here lately I've had no issues with feeling anything but darkness. It was almost like something had cured me. Whatever it was, I was grateful. Once inside the training room I threw off my cloak and brought my saber to life. I used the Force to pull a training dummy towards me, but it was stopped by a petite figure in black.

"Need a partner Ren?" the girl asked me.

I avoided her gaze and stepped away.

"No, I need nothing from you." I spat.

The girl barely flinched at my outburst.

"Why? Do you fear I'll beat you? Or is it something else?"she taunted, lighting her saber.

I pushed myself forward, my saber meeting hers in a flash of color.

"That all you got?" she hollered with a smile.

I didn't understand why, but it sent butterflies through my stomach. I continued to push against her. She met every hit from my saber. She was incredibly talented, she must have had a great trainer. I pulled away and lifted my hand to end the battle. I could hear her labored breathing as she walked over to her bottle of water.

"What is your name again?" I asked curiously.

Her small figure froze for a second.

"Do you not even know my name?" she asked, turning around.

I shrugged indifferently, how was I supposed to know her? We'd only just met. I noticed her face fall for a moment before she covered it with a sneer.

"Elara." she simply said.

Elara. It was a beautiful.

"Like one of the moons of Jupiter?" I asked.

She smiled brightly at me before looking away. I didn't understand the feelings a simple smile from her could give me.

"Yes, the eighth largest moon of Jupiter. It was also the name of one of Zeus's lovers, that's actually where the moon got its name." she answered.

I almost smiled at her, it was like she was teaching me a lesson. I watched her from the corner of my eye as she lifted her bottle over her face, covering it with water. She ran her hand down her face and over the top of her chest. I quickly looked away, a strange feeling coming over me. I couldn't be attracted to her. I'd never been attracted to anyone.

"You ok over there Ren?" she asked innocently.

"Would you like some water?" she continued.

I stood up and sauntered over to her. I wasn't one to back down from an obvious challenge. I lifted my shirt over my head and grabbed the water from her hand. I poured it over my face and down my chest. I shook my head spraying water everywhere, earning a giggle from Elara.

"Ah, refreshing." I joked.

What was it about her? I looked down at the girl in front of me. She had her hand slightly raised as if she wanted to touch me.

"Ren, may I ask you a question." she said.

I sat her bottle down and hestitaly nodded at her.

"If you had taken something from someone, later regretting it and realizing it had been a huge mistake. Would you give it back?" she stuttered.

I was trying to understand the question, but I didn't get what she was trying to ask me.

"It depends, why did you take it in the first place?" I asked her.

She ran her hand through her hair, something that made my breath hitch.

"Well, I thought it was to protect said person, but i'm realizing its done more damage than good." she said, stumbling on her words.

I sat down on the bench behind us and contemplated her question. What could she have taken from someone to protect them?

"I think if it was to protect someone, then it was probably for the best." I answered truthfully.

Her mouth trembled for a moment before she swallowed deeply.

"Are you happy B-Kylo?" she whispered.

I was taken aback by her question. She sat down next to me uncomfortably close.

"Happy? People like us don't get to be happy Elara." I sternly told her.

She fiddled with her hands before looking at me.

"I miss...the person" she mumbled.

I turned my body towards her.

"You can't miss anyone. You are a part of the darkside. You need to control your emotions." I chastised.

She lifted her head up and looked in front of us. I could see her thinking through whatever was going on with her.

"So, your saying I should let yo-him go?" she said, without looking at me.

Him?

It was a man she was thinking about? I felt myself fill with anger.

Who was he?

"Him?" I asked venomously.

She turned towards me an eyebrow raised?

"Yes, I met him long ago. You could say he was the man of my dreams." she said, a hidden joke in her voice.

I ground my teeth together at her reply.

"I had to leave him though. This life is to dangerous. Although, he bravely wanted to help me. I just wouldn't allow it." she continued.

I sat by her in silence anger still filling my chest. I wanted to find this man and rip him to shreds. Had they been intimate with one another? The thought made me sick. What was going on with me?

"Was he apart of the rebellion?" I sourly asked.

I had heard that was where she had come from. I wondered if she was speaking of the pilot I once interrogated.

"Well, I guess you could say that. He did come from the light side; if that's what your asking. But he had some darkness too." she answered thoughtfully.

I could sense such love coming from her at the thought of him. I hated it.

"Well that's all in the past now. You need to move on." I stated.

She smiled coyly at me. "And with whom should I move on?" she asked.

I felt all the air leave my lungs. She continued to look at me. Where had my hate for this girl gone? I scooted myself away and cleared my throat.

"No one. This is not the place for relationships." I clearly told her.

I could see disappointment in her beautiful eyes and it brought me sadness. Her face filled with determination before she leaned in close. I froze in place, unsure of what to do. I felt her breath on my face, a burst of cinnamon filling the air. I closed my eyes in anticipation. Her warm lips met mine and in a flash I had her pinned to the wall behind us. I ran my hands through her hair and to the back of her neck. I had never felt such passion before. It was like I had been frozen in time, her lips the fire I needed to come back to life. I gripped her ass tightly in my hands. Earning a sexy groan form her.

"Ben." she moaned.

Ben? Why had she called me Ben?

I sat her back on her feet and stepped away.

"I am not Ben, and you'd do well to remember that." I spat, using the Force to choke her.

"Whatever this was, will not happen again." I growled.

How could I have been so stupid? This was the biggest mistake Id ever made. I had to get away from her intoxicating presence.

 **Elara's POV**

I had ruined everything. Dammit why had I called him Ben? I just couldn't stop myself. I missed him so much. This version of Kylo was one I'd never met before. He wasn't fighting the call to the light, because there wasn't one. I had taken that away when I took the memories of our time together. I had foolishly hoped kissing him would bring it all back. How wrong I was. At least I knew he still felt something for me. I watched him pull on his shirt and storm away. Once he was gone I slid down the wall and clutched my knees to my chest. What could I do to bring him back to me? I had already tried reversing everything the night before. I had snuck into his room while he was sleeping. But I couldn't accesses his mind. It was like we no longer had our connection. I must have destroyed it when I took everything away. Gods, how could I have been so stupid? I lost him, my Ben.

"NO!" I internally screamed at myself.

I couldn't think that way. I would get him back. I closed my eyes and felt a familiar pull inside me. I hadn't felt the light in so long. It was like being called home. I pulled a little of it forward and held on tightly. I didn't bring enough forward to gain Snokes notice, but it was enough to fill me with hope. I stood up, a new determination running through me. I grabbed my things and headed towards my room. I quickly passed by the troopers and crew that avoided me in fear. I smiled, still enjoying that fact a bit. I punched in the code for my room before shutting myself inside. I dressed in something comfortable and sat down on the floor in front of my bed. I closed my eyes and called out into the Force. I needed to figure out how to take back what I had done. I was about to give up after an hour of nothing, when I heard a firm voice beside me.

"Open your eyes"

I slowly did as I was told and was met with the sight of a Force ghost. I wasn't sure who he was, but there was something familiar about him. He had light brown hair and a scar on his right eye. His blue eyes were fierce, but kind. My mouth fell open and closed in shock.

"Um...hello." I lamely said.

His face lit up with a small smile.

"I can see why my grandson likes you Elara." he stated.

My mouth must have hit the floor at his words. I quickly stood in fear. This was Darth Vader. I'd heard terrifying stories about him. He stood silently, waiting for me to calm myself. The longer I looked at him the more I realized. This wasn't Vader, this was Anakin. Id read about him while at the rebel base. My heart hurt for the man in front of me. He had gone through so much, all because he had been taught his love for Padme was wrong. If the Jedi council had only allowed them to be together without fear, then maybe the darkside would have had less of a chance of consuming him. I stepped closer and smiled reassuringly at him.

"Anakin Skywalker?" I asked in excitement.

He nodded at me with a wink. Oh lord, he was definitely Ben's grandfather.

"Wow, its an honour!" I practically shouted.

His face squinted at the volume of my voice. I shuffled from one foot to another.

"Don't get me wrong, I love that I got to meet you but, why are you here? I wasn't exactly calling for you. After all, it's you Ben is trying to emulate." I sheepishly told him.

He walked towards me, his hands behind his back.

"No, he is trying to emulate Vader. That's not who I am." he cryptically answered.

How is he not Vader, I mean, they are the same person right?

"Ok...seriously? How are you not Vader?" I asked, confused.

He smiled brightly at me.

"Because, I only became Vader when I allowed myself to be consumed by the darkside. Clearly, thats not me, at least its not this version of me. Before I died I found my way back to the light." he answered.

I looked closely at him. I could see so much of Ben, but I could also see Leia, and that made me ache again. He had missed out on everything, his children, grandchildren, even the chance to be happy. It angered me.

"Anakin, how can you help me?" I asked.

He sat in one of the chairs across from my bed, and motioned for me to join him.

"You called out for a way to help Ben, and I heard you. I always keep near him, I feel responsible for a lot of what is happening to him." he sadly said.

I chose to ignore his guilt for now, we had bigger worries.

"Ok, so I'm assuming you saw what I did then." I asked him, embarrassed.

His eyes grew angry for a moment.

"Yes I did. He had finally started to find his way back, and now look at him." he said in anger.

I withdrew from his heated gaze and held back tears.

"I know it was stupid. I was just trying to help him." I tried to explain.

He sighed deeply.

"I of all people have no right to judge you. But you must fix this." he said.

I nodded solemnly.

"What can I do?" I asked.

He sat back for a moment before answering.

"You have to snap him out of it. He can access the memories you locked away, it will just take something drastic." he said seriously.

I felt fear rise inside of me.

"How drastic?" I asked.

Anakin leaned forward slightly. "Heartbreak usually does the trick." he sadly said.

Heartbreak...

"Ok, well what kind of heartbreak." I whispered.

He tisked at me.

"That's up to you. You know him better than I. What do you think will work. What would break him the most?" he asked.

I frowned at him. Hurting Ben was not something I wanted to do again. "I think I know what I have to do." I quietly told him. Anakin shook his head.

"Then do what you must to save my grandson." he practically begged.

I grimaced at the idea but agreed.

"Anakin, can I asked you a question." I asked, smiling at the fact that Id asked his grandson something similar a little while ago.

He nodded and I swallowed the fear and asked.

"Why have you not gone to Ben? If you would have told him not to try and become you, then none of this would have happened." I told him.

He lifted his hand to his chin and scratched. Do ghosts ich, I absentmindedly thought.

"I cannot reach him, because its not me he admires, its Vader. I've tried, but it's as if he has blocked me. I fear it's because deep down, he knows what he has become is wrong" he answered thoughtfully.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Thank you Anakin." I said.

He gave me that sweet Skywalker smile and started to disappear.

"Wait! I have one more question." I begged.

He waited with the smile still on his face. He motioned for me to ask and I looked away nervously.

"Have you found Padme in the afterlife?" I asked, a little embarrassed.

His face filled with an unnamed emotion.

"Yes, I have. We are together again and happy. We even see Obi Wan from time to time. We also visit our family often." He grinned.

I stood up and asked the Force for permission, before I hugged him.

Since the day I read his story I've wanted a happy ending for him, and it looks like he finally got one. As I pulled back he faded away, wishing me luck. I sat back down, running through my plan in my head. This wasn't going to be easy, and if I failed then that would be the end of it. I wouldn't be able to try again. I stood up and headed to the kitchen to grab an apple, before heading to meet Snoke. Phase one of my plane has started.

Here we go...


	20. Chapter Twenty

**_*This is a small chapter, but I felt it needed to be that way. Next chapter we will see Kylo's POV. Please don't kill me, I have a plan! As always let me know what you think.*_**

 **Rey's POV**

I sat in the Falcon drumming my fingers on my knee nervously. I had heard from Elara the night before and her plan still rang in my head. I was beyond glad to see her almost entirely back to herself, but this plan was insane. The amount of danger alone, made my eye twitch. She was willing to lose everything on the slim chance that the old Kylo would come back. I wasn't even sure I trusted that version of him, but I tried to remind myself that I wasn't doing this for him, but for her. Luke had agreed with me and had been hesitant about Kylo ever being saved.

But I trusted Elara so I had Chewie take me to the resistance where I had farley easily enlisted the help of Finn, Han, and Leia. Poe was here as well but was far from happy about it. He wasn't use to this type of battle and wasn't exactly siked about the amount of danger El would be in. I continued the steady drumming of my fingers while Han and the rest talked through the plan. I knew my part and was running through it in my head. Find Ellie and initiate a battle with her. One where I would have to willingly injure her, enough to snap Kylo out of whatever she had done to him. Which in my opinion was extremely careless and insane. Even if the others would have a team of medics standing by.

I knew why she thought this way, but just like with Kylo it was hard for me to trust the words of Darth Vader. I understood why Han and Leia were all for this plan, he was their son and in their mind, he was so close to coming home to them.

"Ok, so is everyone aware of their part of this battle?" Han asked us.

Everyone nodded, including me. Leia left to join the small group of resistance fighters who would be shorty attacking Kylo, Elara and the knights. El had sent us all the information we would need for the attack. They had been sent on a mission to obtain information about our whereabouts. They had received a tip stating that Han and I would be getting supplies from Maz on Takodana. So we were going back to where it all started. Where we lost El in the first place. Shortly after Leia left we received a call from Elara. Seeing her face again brought me no relief.

"We have arrived on Takodana. I have disabled our com so no one can call for backup. This should all go fairly easily. Or at least I hope so. Rey, are you ready?" she hesitantly asked me.

I felt my throat dry up, all I was able to do was nod lightly. Her face saddened, I knew she could feel my unease. She was too powerful not to. She turned away from me and faced the others. Poe refused to make eye contact, still as unsure as I was.

"I wanted to tell you all how appreciative I am, none of you had to trust me, but you all chose to and I am forever grateful. This isn't really your fight, it's all mine, I caused this. So if it goes badly, it's on me and me alone." she stuttered.

I watched her hesitate for a moment before looking straight at Han.

"If I can't bring him back, I need you to promise me you will. What I did to him was wrong and I will not ask for your forgiveness but please for him, do not give up. He is still there Han." she cried, all but begging him.

It was in that moment that I realized how much she really did love Kylo...Ben. My reserve strengthened. This would work, she was his light if anyone could end this, it was her. Han stood stepping away from her digital form.

"El, bring my son back to me. I know you can," he stated firmly.

Her eyes narrowed in determination before she disappeared. We all took a look around us, preparing for what was to come.

"Chewie take us down!" Han shouted into the cockpit.

I pulled out my saber and kept my eyes on the ground.

Here we go...

 **Elara's POV**

I ended the call and exited the ship, taking in the familiar surroundings. It all seemed so long ago. I went over the plan, as I felt Rey's familiar presence entering the atmosphere. It was both soothing and frightening. Everything could go pear-shaped so quickly and I knew how wrong it was to put her through this. Especially if it ended with my death. There was just no one else I trusted enough.

I pulled on my hood and headed towards the distant figure of Kylo. I stood next to him as he gave out orders. I ignored the darkness surrounding him, trying to remember this wasn't my Kylo. I had taken away his doubt, he was purely on the dark side now, but if our last meeting was any indication he still held a weakness for me. One which I hoped would help to return him to his former self.

I could feel the presence of Anakin near him and it gave me strength. I had become very sensitive to his Force signature, and like he had said, he was always near Kylo. He sent the knights away to their posts and turned to me. His mask hiding his face. I hated that thing, it had been so long since he had worn it.

"Do you feel her. She is near, along with Han Solo. She was your friend once, was she not" he asked, his mechanical voice sending chills down my spine.

I kept my face hidden from him, trying to draw him out.

"She is no friend of mine." I said, my voice cold.

He kept his masked face on mine, I surrounded myself with darkness only keeping the smallest sliver of hope and light within me. He needed to trust me if this was going to work. I felt him move his hand to my face, lifting my hood off of me. I kept my features cold and detached.

"Do you fear me Elara?" he asked me.

I was confused by his question.

Where did that come from?

"Should I Ren?" I replied.

I kept eye contact with him even though I couldn't see his. We stood in silence, something unspoken sparking between us. I broke the silence, lighting my saber.

"They are here." I plainly said.

I was ready for this to be over with.

"You take Solo, I have Rey." I told him, spinning my saber.

The Falcon landed swiftly near the trees.

"Do not approach them until I say, we don't want them trying to flee yet." I heard Kylo relay to the others.

I stood next to him, ready for my part in all this. My eyes fell on Rey as soon as she exited the Falcon. I sent her my strength through the Force. She looked at me and I started forward as soon as Kylo's voice filled the air. He shouted at his father.

"Han Solo!"

I saw Han's face fall for a moment at the sight of his son, still unbelieving after all these years. I headed closer to Rey, slightly worried for both Han and his son.

I smiled at the sight of Rey, determination on her face as she ran towards me, saber raised. I met her in a flash of red and blue. The world around us blurred as we fought, her saber only ever meeting mine, no matter how many times I allowed her access to hurt me. She was refusing. I pushed against her, using my advantage to give her a nasty burn on her right arm. I heard her cry in pain.

"Rey, what are you doing? Finish this" I called to her.

She shook her head, tears in her eyes. I frowned deeply and kept pushing forward. Using all I had been taught, trying to get her to follow the plan. At the sound of an agonizing roar, I stopped long enough to see Kylo leaning over an injured Han, ready to kill him with a final blow from his saber. I moved my gaze to Chewie who was attempting to pass by the knight he was fighting. Trying so hard to save his best friend.

The world around me slowed to an almost stop, as I watched everything falling apart. I turned back to Rey who had raised her saber, planning on meeting mine again. She had yet to notice anything that was going on around us, her attention purely on avoiding hurting me. I lifted my own saber, but as hers moved closer I extinguished mine, dropping it to the ground in front of me. Finally allowing her saber access to my chest and stomach.

I fell to my knees in a bright blur of pain, my life-blood spilling in beautiful spirals around me. I looked up at the blue sky above me, gasping for air. I could hear screams, but couldn't figure out who they belonged to. I looked towards Han who I could see being lifted by a screaming Chewie. He was quickly taking him to the Falcon where I knew the medics were waiting. I tried to fill my lungs with much-needed air, but the fire in my chest never ceased. My body started to fall to the ground, but I never felt the impact. Instead I felt strong shaky arms gently covering me. I looked up and met the masked face of Kylo Ren. I tried to speak to him but blood filled my mouth choking me, I felt it run down the side of my face. I was moved into the arms of another and heard the click of his mask being removed. The sun above me became blocked by the face of Rey. Tears pouring from her eyes. I lifted my bloodied hand and wiped them from her face. I shook my head lightly and tried to smile. She gasped for breath, her body rocked by her weeping. She handed me back to Kylo and I was grateful when I saw his beautiful face. I was worried I'd die without at least seeing it again.

"El you stupid girl! Why, why did you do this?" he asked me, sobbing.

I frowned at him. Did it work?

"You cannot leave me, please don't leave." he cried pulling me towards him.

I ran my hand through his hair one last time.

"Why?" he asked me again.

I swallowed hard trying to form the words I so desperately wanted to say. I gasped lightly filling my lungs with as much air as I could.

"Because I love you." I sputtered.

I felt Kylo take in a sharp breath, but I was distracted by the light behind him. It was beautiful. I could see several figures gathering behind us. Anakin stepped out of the light and offered me his hand. I took one last look at my Ben and closed my eyes slowly. When I opened them I was standing beside Anakin. I could see my bloodied body in the arms of the man I loved. Rey was sitting beside us crying into Finns arms.

"It's time to go Elara, there is someone waiting for you." Anakin told me.

I stepped beside Ben and kissed him on the cheek, unable to feel his skin. I took Anakin's hand again and we stepped into the light.


	21. Chapter 21

**_***Sorry the chapter is a bit short. Im currently working on three different stories, I've stretched myself a bit thin. Don't worry though, I will finish this one. Please let me know what you think, even if it's negative. I learn from constructive criticism, so it's always welcome. Also, I've considered uploading my playlist for this story, if that's something you'd be interested in let me know.***_**

The light began to fade as I followed Anakin. I took one last look at the people I loved. Their faces still covered in tears. I finally looked away, knowing I had no choice but to move on. I was content with knowing I had saved the man I loved. I knew Rey would help him with the rest. When the light completely faded I found myself in the forest I had grown up in. I smiled half-heartedly; unsure of what I was doing here. "Welcome home Elara." I froze at the sound of the voice; one I hadn't heard since my childhood. I slowly turned, scared to actually see him. As I looked up into the green eyes of my father, tears filled my own but I refused to let them fall. This was the man who had taken my mother and left me to fend for myself. I looked away from him and stepped back. "Oh Elara, I know what you think, but it isn't true. Your mother and I never meant to leave you. We had gone into town, hoping to find you a gift for your birthday. When we got there the town had been full of stormtroopers and we were taken by The First Order. We were never able to escape; for obvious reasons," he sadly said. I couldn't believe what he was telling me. For years, could I have hated them for something they had no control over? I was so afraid to trust him, only to be hurt again. I caught Anakin's gaze and he shook his head lightly; telling me my father spoke the truth. I wasted no more time and threw myself into his arms. I let the tears fall willingly; enjoying the safety I felt being in his arms. From the corner of my eye, I caught someone nearing us. I pulled away from my father at the sight of my mother's signature fiery red hair. Her blue eyes shining brightly. "My Elara. I have missed you so," she cried. I fell into her arms and tucked my head into the crook of her neck. Her familiar presence bringing all my guilt to the surface. I needed to know that she didn't hate me for what I had become in the pursuit of saving Ben and the resistance from Snoke. "Mother, I've done so many terrible things. Can you ever forgive me?" I asked her, my voice shaky. She stroked my hair gently, allowing me time to pull myself together. "There is nothing to forgive, everyone has done something they aren't proud of. That doesn't make you a bad person." She pulled my hair away from my tear-stained face. She looked into my eyes, smiling at what she saw. "You have to learn to forgive yourself. We all have light and dark inside of us. What matters is which you choose to surround yourself with." she finished her voice soft and caring. I mulled over her words for a moment, taking in her rose scent. All the memories of her holding me when I had gotten hurt or scared ran through my mind. I was so glad to have them back. I pulled away from her and walked over to Anakin. "I guess my plan was a bit crazy, but it did work, right?" I asked him, needing closure. He opened his arms as young brunette woman joined him. My eyes widened as I realized who she was. "Padme?" I asked in awe. She laughed gently and nodded her head. "So you're the girl my grandson loves?" she said. I looked at my feet, an embarrassed blush covering my cheeks. "Um, I guess so. I know I love him." I answered. Unintentionally I looked to where the light had disappeared, where I knew Ben had been. It was now nothing but trees, he was gone. Someone touched my chin pulling my face back towards the people in front of me. It was Padme, she had a knowing twinkle in her eyes. "He isn't here Elara, he is currently taking you to the medics on the Falcon." she said, closing her eyes as if she could see both this world and the next. "Thank you. I want you both to know I never meant to hurt him. I had hoped for a different outcome, but I couldn't let him kill his father. It's something that would haunt him forever, and draw him further away from the light." I told them, hoping for their forgiveness. They both looked at one another, Anakin gripping Padme tightly as if he was afraid she'd disappear. "We understand. We also know it was you who saved him, but without you, we fear he will lose himself completely, history will repeat itself and the world will know another Vader." Anakin said, fear in his voice. I swallowed the lump in my throat, my hands shaking. "What can I do now? Im dead, I can't go back" I said. My mother stepped behind me holding my back against her chest. "Actually, you're not. Your heart still beats, it's up to you now. You can either fight or join us." she stated. I moved away from everyone in shock. "I'm not dead? But, then how am I here?!" Anakin stepped forward his hands raised, reminding me he wasn't the enemy. "Your soul is in between life and death. You are barely hanging on. You either have to fight or let go, but you have to decide soon." I took several deep breaths, I already knew what I wanted to do, but fear of the future was holding me back. Here I knew exactly what to expect. I could be with my parents again, in peace. No more loss, no more war, I could finally be happy, but was there happy without Ben? I looked up at my mother and father, I missed them so much, but I had my answer. There was no happy without Ben, he was my happy ending. Padme and Anakin joined me beside my family. I could see how deeply they understood how I felt. "Mom, dad, I love you but I have to go back." I explained. My mother brushed a tear from my face. "We understand, you go and be happy. Help our future son in law end the war." my dad said smiling brightly. I laughed at his statement and hugged everyone, my new family included. "Let's get you back." Anakin said, putting his palm on my forehead. I felt the world shift and found myself surrounded in light once more.

 **Kylo's POV**

I felt something brush my cheek as I held onto Elara tightly. It was a gentle feather like sensation, but I ignored it, nothing held any interest without her. There would be no more sun no more laughter. She was my tie to the human side of me, without her all that was left was a dark emptiness. I could hear the soft cries of Rey beside us. Anger flared within me, it was her fault. She killed her. I lifted my head and looked at her with hate-filled eyes. It should be her lying here dead, her blood covering the green grass, not my El. Everything was her fault, she should have stopped Elara from going through with this insane plan. Rey had spilled the whole thing as I screamed for an answer to how this could have happened. I had only felt an ounce of anger towards the woman I loved before realizing she had taken my memories because of Snoke. I couldn't blame her for fearing what he would do to me if he found us out. After all, I had felt the same fear. I could feel anger and hate for the girl who had helped her kill herself though, I had no problem hating Rey. My hand shot forward in an almost reflex-like motion. I threw Rey into the nearest tree her back arching in pain. My head spun to the right as her lap dog traitorous boyfriend sped towards me and El. I flung him away with ease, a painful thump echoing through the clearing as he met the ground. He spat out hateful insults, calling me every name he could think of. Spouting that this whole thing was my fault. I fought back moans of pain as I realized how true his accusations were. If I had not involved myself with The First Order in the first place, none of this would be happening. Elara would be alive and well, the Force having no reason to connect us. The idea of never meeting her sent a pain through my chest, but nothing compared to the pain I felt knowing I'd never again see the light spark in her eyes as I kissed her. I looked down at her pale, bloodstained face. Even in death, she was beautiful. I heard a rustling draw near but couldn't pull my eyes from her face. "Kylo..." Rey began. I jerked my head up and pushed her away with the Force, "MY NAME IS BEN!" I shouted the trees around us swaying as the Force swirled through me. Rey stepped closer again, this time slowly. "Ben, we need to take her home. She would want to be laid to rest there." she cried. Finn joined her, trying to pull her away from me. I didn't care what either of them said or did. All I could feel was anger and loss. I closed my eyes and lifted El to my face. I laid her cheek against mine. Her body cold and still. Then I felt it...a heartbeat. I quickly lifted her off the ground, panic and hope filling me. "Rey, listen, listen closely." I begged. I was afraid I had imagined it, it was so faint. Rey's face was both understanding and unbelieving, but she still stood next to Elara and listened carefully. Her eyes shot open and she pulled me towards the Falcon. "She has a heartbeat Ben, we have to get her to the medics." she said calmly. I was glad she was staying calm because inside I was going mad. I didn't know how it was possible for her to still be alive, but this small amount of hope was almost more than I could handle. If she was taken from me again, I didn't know what I would do. Rey opened the hatch to the Falcon and we both rain inside. "Medic, we need a medic!" she screamed. Three medics headed towards us, I panicked and held onto El tightly. "Ben, you have to give her to them. They will take care of her." Rey pleaded. She placed her hand on my shoulder and I slowly handed El to the nearest medic. They rushed her into the med bay. Slowly I felt myself being moved, I was so lost in thought I didn't protest. Rey led me into another room where she sat me down. I could see her sit beside me. She placed my hand on hers and we sat there. Waiting for any word on the girl we both loved. I stood abruptly as someone new entered the room. My whole body froze as my father stood before me. He had a large bandage on his stomach and I winced at the memory of inflicting the wound it covered. I didn't know what to say to him, an apology felt mediocre in comparison to what I had done to him and my mother through the years. "I...I...I'm so sorry." I stuttered unable to say anything else. My father stood still, saying nothing. I knew it would all be too much to forgive. "Ben, I have already forgiven you for everything. I love you, son, nothing could change that." he said teary-eyed. He pulled me into a hug and I felt the tear in our relationship mend itself. I pulled away from him and looked away, hoping to see someone coming to give us information on El. "She'll be ok son. She's a fighter. She'll have to be to survive this family." he joked, trying to ease the tension in the air. I smiled half-heartedly, acknowledging the truth in his joke. I sat back down beside Rey who had her eyes closed. I could sense her using the Force but decided to ignore it. My father sat beside us patting his hands on his knees. I knew he was as worried as I was. I could feel his insecurities regarding my new change. He feared it wouldn't last without Elara. I wasn't sure myself. The only thing keeping me calm right now was the idea of her surviving. Rey's eyes opened just as a medic came through the door. His scrubs were covered in blood, his face pale. "She is alive, but she is very weak. I don't know if she will pull through this. Her injuries were extensive. The next twenty- four hours are crucial." he told us. My jaw tightened in fear. "Can I see her?" I whispered. I could barely contain my emotions anymore. He nodded and stepped to the side to allow me access to the med bay. I quickly stood and all but ran through the door. I needed to see her alive and breathing. A nurse stood beside her bed checking the monitors which were beeping, proving to everyone that she still held on. I sat beside her my eyes never leaving her face. She was still pale and lifeless, but the ever beeping monitor had put me at ease. I laid my head on her shoulder gently. I needed to feel her next to me. She was my lifeline. "El, you have to come back to me. I can't do this without you. Please come home. I love you." I whispered in her ear. Kissing her softly I laid my head back down. My eyes slowly closed, exhaustion covering me. Soon familiar, soft darkness surrounded me.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

_****This is a very short chapter, more of a filler really. The next will be a lot longer and full of fluff.*****_

I felt myself going in and out of consciousness.

Beep...Beep...Beep was all I could hear.

In between the darkness and beeping, I could see faint hints of color through my eyelids. I tried so hard to hang onto consciousness but the beeping always lulled me back into the darkness. I felt numb apart from a small bit of warmth that caressed my hand. I don't know how long I had been like this, time wasn't something I could keep track of. So, when I would start to come back to the land of the living I chose to focus on the warmth in my hand. It would come and go, but never for long. I wanted to move my fingers, to show whoever was with me that I was still here, but I couldn't I was still too weak. I had no control over my body. I was trapped. Once the warmth could no longer hold my attention I focused on the beeping, which I assumed was the monitor keeping track of my heart rate. I decided to check my theory. I pulled myself into a memory, one that would surely bring my heart rate up. I focused with all my might on the memory of Ben's lips on mine and sure enough, the monitor sped up.

BeepBeepBeepBeep!

I smiled internally as several footsteps sounded off near me. I could hear voices but I couldn't distinguish male from female let alone the words being used. Once the sounds of footsteps faded I had nothing new to keep my attention. In a moment of pure boredom, I decided to count the beeps coming from the heart monitor, at about 300 a new sound drew my attention. Someone was breathing close to my ear. Slow and steady. Someone was sleeping on my shoulder. I smiled guessing who it was.

My Ben, or at least I hoped so.

I tried my best to gain another sense. I focused on the breathing and tried to smell the air around me. Wintergreen. It was definitely my Ben. I tried to match my breathing with his and soon I was oblivious once again.

I was awoken by the sound of voices. I could finally distinguish who was speaking. It was Ben and Rey. I had desperately missed their voices.

"Listen, Ben, you can hear her steady breathing. She is going to be ok." Rey said.

A slight huff filled the silence.

"It's been two days Rey. She hasn't moved a muscle. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I need to know she is ok," Ben said.

The agony in his voice killed me. I tried to move my hand but the numbness was still there. I couldn't feel a thing. I wanted to scream his name, to let him know he had not lost me.

"I promise she will wake up soon. Can you feel her? Her Force signature is strong," Rey said.

I could picture her bright smile. He must have acknowledged her without speaking because the room was once again silent. Once I realized they weren't going to speak again I focused on their breathing. It wasn't much but it kept me from going insane. I swear though, when I wake up I'm going to yell at them for the lack of conversation. Slowly, someone stood from directly beside me. I could hear the rustle of their clothing as it rubbed against their skin. Suddenly the air swished as a door was open and closed. Rey must have been the one to leave because I could still smell wintergreen, a smell that I would always attribute to Ben. His breathing was steady beside me. A small scraping ensued as a chair was scooted closer to my bed.

"Elara, can you hear me? Can you squeeze my hand?" Ben asked; his breathing hitched.

I wanted to reassure him, but I still had no control of my body. A weight was still covering me I couldn't even use the Force. It must be the meds they had me on.

"Its ok El, take your time. I'll be here waiting, always," he whispered; kissing my cheek.

Very few things changed over the next few hours, or days, I had no way of knowing which. The only differences were that of Ben being forced to eat or rest by either Han or Rey. I was grateful for their constant pushing. Without them, he would have never taken care of himself. I was pleasantly surprised by how well he and Han had mended their relationship. It meant that my Ben really was back. I couldn't wait to start a life with him. A life? My thoughts suddenly turned dark as I realized we still had so much to do, a war to win. A life with Ben was only a faint wish one that I couldn't make come true, not yet. There was so much I had missed while stuck in my own body. Like, what did Snoke believe happened to me and Ben? No one around me had so much as whispered about what was going on outside of the room I was in. I'm sure that had something to do with the unstable attitude of Ben. Just a while ago he had almost blown up over someone new touching me. From what I could hear the nurse wasn't one he had seen before and Ben didn't want him around me. So, I couldn't blame them for keeping the uncertain future to themselves. Thoughts rushed through my head as I tried to distract myself. After a while, I started to feel something new. I could wiggle my toes. It was a small accomplishment, but it was enough to give me hope. I tried to move my ankles to no avail. So instead I went back to wiggling my toes, it felt amazing to have control over even the smallest part of my body. Gradually feeling began to climb from my toes. I was able to move my feet and legs, but I didn't. I still couldn't speak or even open my eyes. So, I kept the new development to myself. The next bit of warmth appeared at my waist and onto my chest. It was an odd feeling. It felt like little pin pricks slowly covering my body. Shortly after, the feeling of Ben's hand on mine changed. I could feel more than his warmth, I could make out the light calluses layering his hand. The way his nail gently grazed my skin as he moved his fingers across my knuckles. I tried to move my fingers and felt a burst of excitement as my fingers twitched. A loud thud echoed throughout the room as Ben stood knocking his chair to the floor.

"El? Oh my God! Are you awake? Can you hear me?" he frantically said.

My eyes fluttered open the light blinding me. I tried to focus but my vision was blurred; I blinked a few times trying to clear it.

"Nurse! I need a nurse!" Ben shouted, his voice slightly horse.

His face blocked the light as he leaned over me. He placed his hand on my cheek.

"I've missed you," he whispered his voice cracking on the last word.

I tried to speak but couldn't get anything out so I took the opportunity to look him over. His eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. His raven hair disheveled and in need of a good wash. His lips were cracked and pale. I lifted my hand to his face and ran my knuckles across his cheek.

"I'm here now," I said my voice barely a whisper.

His eyes lit up and he lent down to kiss me deeply. We were parted as the room filled with people and Ben was rushed outside.


	23. Playlist

Hey, guys, this isn't a chapter but I am working on the new one. I had asked you lot a few chapters ago if you wanted me to add my playlist for this story. So, I decided to go ahead and release it after receiving a few messages asking for it. These are the songs that I listen to when I need to get into the head of Elara or Ben. Or if I need to feel what they do about one another. These are just my main go-to songs. From now on I'm going to do an author's note above each new chapter stating which song I listened to the most while writing it. If you have any you listen to and think of El or Ben let me know, I'd love to listen to them. Without further ado here is my playlist for Nightmares In the Dark.

Still Into You-Paramore.

The Only Exception-Paramore

Love Is A Battlefield-Pat Benatar

You Give Love a Bad Name-Bon Jovi

Holding Out For a Hero-Bonnie Tyler

Perfect-Ed Sheeran( This is El and Ben's song.)

Close My Eyes Forever- Ozzy, Lita Ford

Poison- Alice Cooper

Love Bites-Def Leppard

Behind Blue Eyes-Limp Bizkit

Love The Way You Lie-Rihanna, Eminem

E.T.- Katy Perry

Evermore-Josh Groban

Rewrite The Stars-Zac Efron, Zendaya

Unsteady-X Ambassadors(I listen to this a lot. I just feel like this fits Ben's story perfectly.)

Atlantis- Seafret

All of Me- John Legend

Titanium- David Guetta, Sia

Fix You- Coldplay

Here Without You- 3 Doors Down

This Is Me- Keala Settle

Every Rose Has Its Thorn-Poison

What Hurts The Most- Rascal Flatts

Eyes On Me- Faye Wong

How To Save a Life- The Fray

Leave Out All The Rest- Linkin Park


	24. Chapter 23

_***Sorry it has taken so long for me to update, but I've had no desire to write here lately. I'm trying to force myself, but I don't want to type out crappy work. So, let me know if this chapter sucks or isn't up to par. Constructive criticism is always welcome.***_

The nurses rushed around me checking my vitals. I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling trying to block out the pain as they removed the bandages from my chest. Unable to stop myself I looked down at the wound that was very quickly scaring. A pink scar ran from my left shoulder to my right hip. Oddly enough, I was ok with it. It was a reminder of what I was willing to do for those I loved. Once the nurses were done they covered me with a new bandage and the Dr came in to speak with me. In short, he told me how incredibly lucky I had been to survive; like I haven't already known that. He looked over my wound just as the nurses had, and told me I should be healed enough to leave in a matter of a few days. He helped to cover me with a soft blanket and left the room. The small bit of silence that was left in his wake, was enough to allow everything that had happened to finally wash over me. My cheeks flushed and my heart raced. I kept my breathing steady as tears pooled in the eyes. I had died. It was a heady reality, I had almost left everyone I love behind, and as much as I wanted to believe the worst was behind me, It wasn't. There was still so much to do. I tried to sit up and cried out in pain when my stitches tugged at my skin. Lying back I watched the dust motes that floated above me in the light of the sun. I ran my hand through my dirty and matted hair and called out for a nurse. Being alone right now was a bad idea. My mind wouldn't shut off, my thoughts were racing. I needed to be updated on what I had missed while unconscious or I was going to drive myself mad. The nurse entered the room in a mess of white fabric. Her face was flushed, her hair in disarray.

"Did you need something?" she said.

I eyed her skeptically, she was obviously at odds with someone.

"Yes, I was hoping you could send in my friends. I am allowed visitors, correct?" I asked.

The nurse flitted around me checking the machines that were still constantly beeping. After taking a few notes she flipped through the pages attached to her clipboard.

"Yes, the Dr ok'd visitors. You have a small army of them outside waiting for you," she said, placing her clipboard under her arm.

"Commander Ren is especially anxious to see you."

A light bulb lit up in my head and her appearance started to make sense. Ben must be giving them hell.

"Thank you, could you send them in?" I asked polity.

She nodded quickly and left me to once again be surrounded by uncomfortable silence. A few minutes later the door slid open and several familiar faces slid into my room. Rey, Han, Finn, Poe and finally Ben. I kept my eyes trained on him. I frowned in obvious annoyance. We had been separated for at least an hour and he had yet to change or get any rest. His eyes were still red-rimmed, his hair still messy.

"How are you feeling?" Rey asked.

I reluctantly moved my gaze away from Ben and looked over Rey. She only looked slightly better than Ben. Had they all moved into the waiting room? The rest of the group were in a similar state. It made my heart swell and sink at the same time. I loved them for caring, but It just showed me how much I meant to them. Had I been unable to return, they wouldn't have moved on as easily and quickly as I had expected. I had never truly understood how large of a section I had carved out in each of their hearts.

"I'm more concerned with you lot? Have you been eating or sleeping?' I asked, moving from one to the next.

They all avoided my gaze and looked at their feet. Ben sat down beside me and took my hand.

"Are you serious? Rey, you were supposed to take care of everyone for me," I said.

I moved to sit up and was quickly helped by Ben. His dark eyes were full of concern and love. It melted my heart.

"I'm so sorry El. I tried, but they are so stubborn," Rey said seating at the edge of my bed.

I folded my arms against my chest and gave them all a death stare.

"Han Solo! You should have helped her," I said.

"And you!" I continued, pointing at Ben. "You should have known how angry I would be once I woke up."

He narrowed his eyes at me, "I could really care less how angry you are with me. It's me who should be angry. Do you realize how stupid this whole endeavor was? You died Elara!" he said.

My anger quickly dissipated only to be replaced with extreme guilt. He was right, after all. I moved the covers from my legs and tried to scoot myself to the edge, ignoring the burning pain in my chest. I would be damned if I didn't take care of the people I loved. They all needed sleep and food. A firm set of arms gently pushed me back against my pillow.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Han said.

I sighed deeply as I pulled the covers back over me.

"Listen, I know you are all extremely angry with me," I said, raising my hands to silence Rey who had tried to interject. "And for good reason, but I did what had to be done. If I had not fixed the mistake I made with Ben than we would still be at war with not only Snoke, but a completely unchanged Kylo Ren, and I couldn't have that. I would do anything for Ben, even if it took my own life. We are at war, sometimes what we have to do and what we want to do are two completely different things." I finished with a huff.

I felt Ben shift slightly beside me but remain silent. I kept my eyes trained on Han and Rey. Han let out a loud grunt, rubbing his eyes with his fists.

"Ugh, your right kid, but you need to remember how important you are, to not only your friends but my son. I can't have anything pushing him back towards the dark side."

Before Ben could utter a single word I silenced him with a quick squeeze of his hand.

"I get where you're coming from Han, but you need to realize neither Ben nor myself are completely on the light side. After everything we have both done, we will never be the same. We are both walking between both sides. That doesn't make us good or bad, just human, none of us have only light or dark inside." I said looking right into Ben's eyes.

I couldn't even imagine how hard this all had been on him. He was surrounded by people he had either tortured, betrayed, or destroyed in one way or another. It took my breath away thinking about his reasons behind the change in who he was, I only hoped it had more to do with him them me. I didn't want to hold his allegiance to the light in my hands as Han had, none to subtly, implied. I peeled my eyes away from Ben to watch Han. I hoped he understood we would need him he could help with Leia and the rest of the rebellion.

"That isn't going to be easy for some people to understand El. We won't be able to stop some of them from asking for both of your immediate executions." Rey said.

Ben's chair went flying as he stood in absolute fury. "THE HELL THEY WILL!" He shouted the windows around us shaking.

Rey took a step back, Finn and Poe, joining her. The dissension between them shook me to my core. It was like watching one of my nightmares play out right before my eyes. Ben and myself being separated from everyone because of their fear of us. Han stood between the two groups holding his hands out, trying to placate everyone.

"NO ONE will touch her! I will kill anyone who tries." Ben growled out, looking more like his alter ego than he had in days.

Finn stood in front of Rey trying to protect her from Ben's volatility. As they all began to holler at one another a very welcomed and familiar warmth spread through me. It was like sinking into a warm bath after a long day. I didn't even realize how weak and unlike myself I had felt until the Force had returned to me. I lifted both my hands and every member of the shouting group was thrust into the wall behind them. I knew I'd regret this course of action later when Ben and I were alone, but at the moment I didn't care. They were all acting like children and I'd had enough. This was no time for everyone to turn on each other. The gasps of my restrained friends brought me out of my thoughts. I could feel Ben fighting me, but he was weak and tired after so many hours and days of hardly any food or sleep. I tilted my head to the side and gave them a sickly sweet smile. Ben stared me down his expression flickering between amusement and anger.

"That. Is. Enough." I said enunciating every word.

I slowly released them and watched as they slid down the wall.

"Now, I understand what is to come. We have both committed crimes and I already expected a lot of calls for our heads." I explained.

Ben stood in anger and sped over to my bed. Before he could speak I continued, "But that being said, if they think they can beat Snoke without us then they are sorely mistaken. We will figure everything else out once this war is over. Hell, who knows if we will both survive it anyways." I said shrugging my shoulders. The contrite expressions on their faces let me know they all understood the gravity of what was to come.

"El, you can't expect me to let you just go to the Rebellion and accept a death sentence," Ben said his fisted hands shaking slightly.

I kept my eyes trained on his unblinking.

"I don't expect to let me do anything, Ben," I firmly said.

He gave me a growl of anger and fled the room, his black cloak flowing behind him. I laid my head back in a sigh of defeat. I could feel more than hear the others circle my bed.

"I'm sorry Han. I understand your fear that he will fall back into the dark, but I can't just let him hide me away while he takes all the risks and I know that's what he will ask of me." I looked at the foot of my bed where Han had decided to stand.

"You're only doing what you think is best and i'm sure by now that you know how volatile my son is. Im certain you can handle him and you should know, I will do whatever I can to protect you both, now and when the rebellion decides to hold your trials." Han said.

I smiled at him in thanks and looked at Poe, Rey, and Finn; the latter looked like he wanted to bolt from the room just as Ben had done.

"I'm no fool, I know that your trust in me has faded but I hope I can earn it back. I don't expect you to help me or Ben, but I really hope that even if it's not done for me that you do it for the Rebellion," I said.

I kept my eyes on them as they looked between themselves a silent conversation passing between them. Rey's eyes begged Finn for his understanding and I observed them, obviously while I had been gone the relationship between them had flourished. I could see the love in her pleading eyes and felt a stab of guilt. I never wanted to interfere in their relationship. I hoped that they could survive this war and finally be able to love one another in peace. I wished that for myself as well, but I didn't plan on holding my breath. Finally, Finn mumbled something incoherently and Rey bounced on the balls of her feet kissing him as she did. I smiled brightly at Poe who gave me a slight nod.

"Ya know i'm always up for a good fight. Plus BB-8 would be pissed if I decided not to help you. She's been worried about you since you left us." He said.

Once everyone was calmed down they all found seats near my bed their expressions grave.

"So, we have to go back don't we." I sighed.

Han looked away and I knew I had my answer. I had known it was a possibility but going back to a place that held all of my worst memories wasn't something I ever wanted to do.

"Ben wants to go back alone. He didn't want us to tell you anything." Rey said.

I bit my tongue to keep from lashing out. What the hell was he thinking? "Like that is going to happen. So, what's the story," I asked? Poe leaned forward and placed his hand on my arm.

"We have you 'captive' we are negotiating your release in return for a few of our own. Snoke is beyond angry. I've tried to tell them this was a bad idea, that you both will be punished, but no one will listen to me." he said.

"Now listen here, Dameron. Do you think we haven't tried to find any other way? They have to get near enough to end Snoke and they can't do that here," Han interjected.

I closed my eyes a headache ripping through me. I could feel my pain meds wearing off and making room for all the pain that had been hiding behind it. "We will do it. I should be out of here soon. It will give us time to get out heads straight so we can keep him from knowing the truth." I said a finality in my voice.

I sat forward as much as I could without messing with my stitches and smiled evilly. "So, who's on Ben duty? Someone has to make sure he doesn't try and make a run for it."

They all lifted their hands in the air and tried to pin the job on someone else. Even Han tried to pass off the duty of babysitting his son on one of the others. I couldn't help but laugh at them they were so afraid of his temper and I found it hilarious.

"I think this will be a job for everyone. So while I'm an invalid you need to keep him from trying to leave me behind. He will not be able to do this alone. I'll do what I can from here." I said.

A grumble of annoyance lilted through the air from all of them.

"Now comes the hardest part. Getting him to calm down and get some rest," I laughed. "Not it!" I called out quickly touching my nose as I did.

"COME ON!" they said in unison.


End file.
